Almost Clark (Chapter Twenty-three)

Spoilers still for Noir, also Prototype, Phantom.

Chapter Twenty-Three

"There's my hero." She held up the front page of the Planet, with a photo of Jimmy receiving an award for catching the gunman.

Jimmy strode towards her car as she got out. "Just my luck. Finally get a photo on page one -- I'm in front of the camera, not behind it."

"Oh, come on. Even I was impressed with the Sam Spade quick-thinking. You can't tell me all that just came from a bonk on the noggin."

"You know, it was so weird. Half of it made sense. But Lana and Lionel working together, and Clark Kent leading a double life as a reporter by day and crime-fighter by night... You know, it's funny what your mind will cook up."

Chloe only smiled. "So, why the pilgrimage to Podunk at the peak of your fame?" She'd been surprised when he'd asked her to meet him at The Talon. Why not The Planet?

Jimmy grinned. "Well, I made you a playlist to keep you company while I'm gone." He opened her car and plugged in an ipod.

Chloe watched him, smiling. Suddenly his last word hit her. "Gone?"

"I'm being sent on assignment," he said, excitement plain in his voice.

"That's great," she lied, her smile now tight.

"Yep. Photo editor saw the paper -- finally knows my name now!"

Chloe felt like she might cry. "Are you on the human trafficking story in Istanbul with Fletcher?"

"Actualy, the Polar Bear Swim Club in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Bunch of old guys in a lake, but --"

"It's a start," she finished, trying to hold her smile. It wasn't so bad, though. It wasn't so far away. And it might only be for a little while.

"I gotta go catch my plane, but there's something I got to do before I go." He set a small camera on the hood of the car, then suddenly dipped Chloe backward, giving her a long kiss for the camera.

She held onto him for her balance and her life. She wanted to beg him not to go. There was something in her that panicked at the idea of his absence. Everything's fine as long as I know you're here. You keep me honest. If you leave... But it was ridiculous. He wouldn't be gone long. Yet, still, she couldn't shake the feeling of foreboding.

************************************

Jimmy had only been gone three hours and she was already missing him. That was why she found herself in the loft with Clark. She'd come hoping for a little sympathy, maybe a game of Scrabble. Cocoa would be nice. Maybe just a moment of calm before the storm she could feel coming. She didn't get these things, though. In fact, she'd walked into a barn-load of angst.

"Clark, calm down!" she said from the couch.

"But she loves me, Chloe. I can feel it and..."

"And she has her reasons for staying with Lex. We've been over this."

"But he's a monster." Clark hit the railing of the loft. Chloe jumped as it shattered in front of him. "I can't take it anymore. I could kill him, Chloe. I could..."

"You could spend the rest of your life regretting that you knowingly took a life," she broke in. "With full premeditation. And it would kill you, Clark."

He was shaking now. "I gotta do something. I..."

"Clark, maybe if you just calm down and think..."

"Great!" He whirled on her. "I have a thought. Why don't you tell me what you know?"

Chloe sealed her mouth shut. She hated to admit it, but she was beginning to think that, whatever Lionel had Lana doing, it had to continue. She couldn't tell Clark and watch him do something rash, something foolish, something that could implicate him and let Lex off the hook.

"What?" Clark demanded. "Can't talk? Did your mouth stop working for the first time in your life?"

She stood, wishing she could, just once, tower over him. "Don't turn into a bastard on me. Do you think this is easy? I'm sick of having to keep everyone's fucking secrets!"

"Really?" he sneered. "Because you do it so well."

"Oh, you should know," she hissed. "I bend over backwards hiding yours on a daily basis, so don't..."

"And I save your ass every time you so stupidly put it..."

"Fuck you, Clark! If you're tired of my ass, I'll take it to another goddamned city." She strode toward the steps, but a sudden bang stopped her. The barn shook in its aftermath. She had to keep herself from falling through the hole in the rail as she stumbled. Tiny bangs and crashes sounded around her before all was still.

"I can't take this," he said in a hoarse whisper.

She turned to see him on his knees. "Clark," she cried out, rushing to him. "I know this is hard. But you have to keep your head, now more than ever."

"How the hell do I do that?" he whispered, not looking at her.

"I don't know, Clark, but you'd better find a way. It's more than Lana at stake. It could be the world. And it's not just Lex that needs to be stopped, it's his plans. I don't know what..." She trailed off. Why wouldn't he look at her? He was staring at something on the floor behind her.

Her gaze left him and scanned behind her. Just all the junk that had fallen out of the... Her eyes froze on something familiar. A plain, gray box. It was laying on its side in front of an open cabinet, half under a folded blanket. And it was open just a crack.

"No, Clark." Her eyes flew to his, pleading. "If you're feeling rash now, you'll just..."

"I'm so tired," he said lowly, his eyes still on the box as he rose, "of caring."

She rose with him, trying to block his way. "Let's go in the house. Your mom's probably..."

"I'm so tired," he continued as if she hadn't spoken, "of feeling responsible for the whole fucking world." She grabbed at his arm as he started slowly past her. Her shoes dragged on the floor as his stride quickened.

This was it. This was why Jimmy couldn't leave her. As long as he was near, she might have the strength to say no. But she'd felt it that night. She'd run out of refusals. If he wanted to kill Lex and burn his house to the ground, she couldn't stop him. And if he wanted to use her now, assuage his anger and frustration, she would let him. It didn't matter how far they'd come. She could never refuse him again and the rest of her life would turn to dust. Jimmy, Lois, Lex, Lana. None of it would matter. Her world would consist of only him and waiting for those nights. "Don't do this," she nearly sobbed.

Her body couldn't move. Her hands fell limply away from his arm as he bent. She looked on in anguish as he lifted the box and straightened up. "Please," she whispered, her tears falling freely now.

"I'm so tired," he repeated. He pried the lid open and turned to her, his gaze blank as it roamed over her tears, her pleading eyes.

She let out a broken sob as he reached in and turned his head away. He dropped the box with a clatter and lifted the necklace around his neck. She felt a flutter of hope as she saw the broken clasp. But it disappeared when his thumbs pressed down hard, crushing the metal together.

And he turned back, his eyes familiar as they flashed at her. Her legs turned to jelly and she felt herself falling. He righted her, his hands under her elbows. "Don't do anything you'll regret," she said weakly.

His eyes roamed over her before coming back to her face. "Stop me," he said.

She realized it wasn't a taunt, but a command. And she obeyed, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him to the floor. His eyes never left hers as they ripped at each others clothing.

There was no kissing. There were no words. There was only the sound of flesh slapping against flesh and harsh breaths. It was as glorious as it was wrong.

When the dawn began creeping into the barn, Chloe was gathering her torn clothes. She knew she couldn't take the necklace away again. The fight was lost.

She shuffled to her car, holding her shirt closed, her jeans up. Her body was sore and her spirit was broken. She hoped it was worth it. She hoped he was calm now. She hoped he could control himself.

And she hoped he'd come to her again tonight.

***************************************

"Triple espresso mocha cappulatte," Lois trilled. "My own invention, guaranteed to put the zip-a-dee back in your doo-dah."

Chloe couldn't manage the smile Lois seemed to want. "Thanks."

"Come on. It's not that bad," she said. Jimmy is coming back one day... maybe. You know, besides, distance is good for the relationship. That is what all the guys who've moved away from me have said."

She didn't correct Lois. Let her think it was about Jimmy. As guilty as she felt, Chloe could only think of him. "Lois, you should really stick to investigative reporting and out of the advice column."

"That's the plan."

He didn't come to her. He didn't come all that week. It was ironic. She was finally done running and now he was done pursuing her. Well, not really. Not for sex, at least. Clark came in, his eyes seeking, then finding, her.

"Hey, Smallville," Lois said with a smile. "Love to hear about the cows and the corn, but I got a lead on a dirty Senator that needs to be hosed down. See you on the front page."

He watched her leave. "She going after a Senator?"

Chloe stared after her with him. "I guess so. She hasn't told me much about it." Lois had been different lately. When she wasn't on a thoroughly caffeinated high, she was scribbling and typing away, poring over notes and drinking cup after cup of coffee. She was turning into Chloe. It was fine by Chloe. She didn't need her life anymore, anyway.

"Lot of that going around lately," Clark sneered.

Chloe's eyes snapped to his. "Was that jab directed at my chin?"

"I went to Lionel to ask about Lana."

Chloe sat up straighter. Despite the wasteland her life was, she didn't want the rest of the world to go with her. "What did he say?"

"Nothing, just like you."

Chloe sighed in sharp relief. She wanted Lionel to go down someday, but not until Lex went down first. One threat overshadowed the other. "Clark, I --"

"Chloe, you know what Lex is really like," he pleaded. "Did you forget what he did to you, what he did to your mother?"

"No, I haven't forgotten." But it did seem a distant memory somehow. Her mind was so full of him. No room for anything else.

"I don't want anything to happen to Lana."

"Neither do I." It was true. Without Lana, Clark wouldn't put it on again. She disgusted herself. She dredged up a shred of concern for the world around her. "But if she's staying in that marriage, all I can say is, she must have a damn good reason."

************************************

His mother was going to Washington. Wasn't that a reason for him to come? Wasn't he upset.

Chloe almost hated herself lately, now more than ever. Now she was wishing pain on Clark so he would use her to drive it away. She'd been on the edge all these years, but now she'd fallen in. It was obsession. Nothing this needy could be anything less.

But he never came to her in the night. And soon she found out why.

They were at The Planet, typing away, researching the destruction left behind by what could only be a product of the Zone. Luckily for her, and possibly the rest of the world, she found herself caring. Perhaps it was the time away from his body. She now heard the siren song of what used to be her first love: The Truth. Her brain was nearly back in her head.

"So, Lex is tracking a wraith from the Phantom Zone, and Lionel Luthor is your new father figure?" she summed up. "This is a lot of excitement for one day." She got up from her chair, intent on the coffee.

"Yeah, there's more. Lana's leaving him."

She stopped in her tracks and turned back to him. "That's a happy headline." Her hand was shaking. She clenched her fist to stop it. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Chloe, I told Lana my secret," he said, looking as if he hardly believed it himself. She didn't either. "She knows everything. She knows that I'm... an alien."

"Wow." She tried to smile. Had she succeeded? She couldn't tell. She was numb. "So, I guess we have a new charter member of the Clark Kent secret-keeping club. What did she say?"

He smiled sort of shyly. "She kissed me."

"That's fantastic," she lied. She hoped the panic in her voice sounded like excitement. "You've been wanting this forever. You just -- you must be on cloud 99."

"I will be," he said. And she had the feeling her heart could plop to the floor and he'd never notice. "...as soon as I deal with this phantom."

She turned on her heel and headed for the ladies' room. She was sure he, as usual, wouldn't notice. She had hardly closed the stall door when she sagged against it, lettings the rage and pain and love leak from her eyes until they burned, until she was sure there was nothing left.

***************************************

Chloe stumbled through the tunnels. It was all her fault. If she hadn't been so focused on Clark and on herself, she could have seen that Lois was in over her head. But she'd mourned. She was better now and she would change. She would focus her energy on those she knew loved her. Right now, "they" numbered one. She wouldn't stay with Jimmy, not when she knew how unfair it was. She'd always crave another and she'd never have that other.

But she had Lois. And Lois needed her. The tracking got her as far as the damn, but this dripping maze was almost more than she could navigate. A shape ahead caught her eye. It looked like a guard. He was out and maybe dead. There was a pool of blood. She looked closer. It hadn't come from him.

She followed the dark, drops around one corner, then another. She was so intent on it and horrified by what it might mean that she almost missed the phone. But she couldn't have missed what she saw next.

"Oh, no!" She rushed to Lois and fell to her knees. She was unconscious. That was all. She tried to get her up. "Oh, God. Lois, you're gonna be all right, okay? I'm gonna get you out--" She broke off as Lois' head lolled, so grey and lifeless. She looked down and saw it. The horrendous wound in her side. "Oh, my God."

Not unconscious. Gone? "Oh, my God. Lois. Come on, Lois. You're a fighter." She shook her, trying to will the life back into her. "Come on. Come on, Lois. Come on." She yelled now, pressing her cheek to Lois' face. She had to wake her. "You're the strongest girl I know. Come on!"

Lois helping her out her window when they were twelve. "We'll be back before your dad even notices. Trust me. I do this all the...

"Please..."

Lois spraying whipped cream in Chloe's face as she shrieked, pelting Lois with sprinkles. They were gonna be in so much trouble. Lois was always getting her in trouble...

"You can't die..."

Lois punching a boy who'd pushed Chloe into the pool at her twelfth birthday party.

"I can't lose you..."

Lois singing awful Karaoke with her at The Talon.

"I love you too much..."

Lois knocking her onto the couch with a ferocious hug after her second date with Oliver. "He's the one, Chloe. I swear. I feel like everything's going to be so...

"Please..."

She broke off, finally reduced to quiet sobs. She didn't think she had any tears left, but she felt one drop from her eyes to splash gently on her cousin's forehead. Take me. I don't care. Just not Lois. Not Lois...

Her eyes went wide as a bright light seemed to appear on Lois' forehead. It spread around her, around them and she felt a warmth engulf her and a strange sort of languor. She fell back lightly, a vague pain at the back of her head. And the warmth faded, replaced by a numbing cold that stole over her limbs, her face, her mind...

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