"Lois," he groaned. "Please." He weakly reached a hand out, but she was still inches away. He tried to bring the hand to his chest, to take the rock away. But he couldn't get near it. His insides squirmed and his flesh burned. He'd not been near kryptonite for so long. It felt worse than he remembered. "Chloe," he finally ground out.
She stirred and he forced his head to roll to the right to face her. "Chloe, please..."
"Not my name," she mumbled.
He nearly smiled. "The kryptonite... wake up..."
He let out a constricted breath when he saw her eyes crack open. "Clark?" She scrambled up. "Oh, my God!"
She picked up a box from the floor and took the rock from his chest, placing it in. She stuffed it all in her purse. "Clark, let's get out of here." He got up with some effort and let her lead him to the front. "Come on. Just further out. You can do it. We need sun." She didn't stop until they got to the street. She pulled him to a bench and sat him down. She looked up, squinting her eyes. "As sunny as we get in the city." She leaned over him, he felt her hand in his hair. "You okay?"
"Getting there."
She patted her purse and sat next to him. "I'll get rid of this when I can."
He leaned back and closed his eyes, gulping air. "Sure you won't keep it in case I step out of line?"
"Clark..." He heard the rebuke in her voice. "Don't joke about that. I only said what I said because... Well, maybe we aren't friends anymore, but I'd never hurt you."
He couldn't help feeling that she just had. "We could be again," he said, weakly turning toward her. He was still dizzy.
She stared at him a moment before turning her face away. "Don't try to get persuasive just because you're hurt. It won't work anymore."
He turned his head back and let his skin absorb the sun, wondering what had happened to Chloe Sullivan? She'd become harder, more aggressive. And especially to him. He'd tried not to ask about her the second he found himself home. But his mother had told him about the change. She said she was working at The Planet. That she had a new name, but she was the same sweet Chloe... Or Lois. She was Lois and he had to remember to say it, at least out loud. Her safety depended on it. But what was guaranteed now? Lex's assistant had got away. There were no guarantees. "She got away," he breathed.
"Yeah." He felt her eyes on him and he turned. "Smooth, Clark."
"What?" He sat up, but his head nearly exploded from the pain.
"You had to give her her purse? I mean, the lady was packing kryptonite."
He held his head. "You're the one that got herself knocked out."
"You know, things would've been different if I'd come alone."
He stared at her, feeling his strength make a feeble comeback. "Yeah. She wouldn't have talked. She would have just sat there weeping as you sliced the air."
She stood and stared down at him. "I would have been more on my guard if you weren't there for her to make big, weepy eyes at. You fell for every little sniffle."
"So did you. I..."
She threw up her hands. "I just... This has been the worst morning of my life and that's saying a... a whole lot." She leaned over him. "What are you thinking, Clark? You bust your way into my apartment, my body, and then you're at my work. The one thing that has been constant in my life and you just sail in and... invade my workplace. And now you're... what? Going to try to work there?"
"No. I only wanted to help..."
"I've been fine all this time. And I still would be, but you... You just throw me right off." She sank onto the bench right next to him again. Somehow, he'd never felt so far from her. "You want to take it all away from me and turn me into that girl again, that girl that worshipped you and was like a glorified personal assistant..." She gasped. "Oh, my God! I'm your Miss Tessmacher."
He blinked at her. "What?"
"The devoted slave you use, then just throw away like... I'm like your... wetnap."
"What? No. You can't think..."
"Or I was. Not anymore..." She suddenly laughed. "Of course, you want to change that, don't you? Put me right back where I was."
He took a deep breath, concentrated. "Lois, I never asked for blind loyalty from you."
"Okay. Maybe not. But you ate it up and used it to your advantage for years." Her voice broke and he found himself unable to look at her. "And now you're been running around acting like nothing's changed. You come back and you act like we're supposed to be on the job together again. And I'm supposed to tag along with you. Be your sidekick again."
He turned to her and smiled, hoping to catch her eye. "Hey, that's not it. You've been pretty much in charge. I mean if anyone's a sidekick, it's me."
"Don't try spinning it into flattery, Clark. I'm serious. You woke up this morning and acted like it was some joke that we'd slept together." She turned to face him and there was an emptiness in her eyes. It scared him. "You don't get it. Do you think you can wipe everything away by acting like this? Like everything's fine and nothing happened? Like none of it, all these years of us, never happened?"
He turned from her gaze like a coward."I... I don't know what to tell you. I thought... Maybe I just wanted to rush ahead to the part where we could laugh at this."
"You can't use superspeed here, Clark. These are human emotions. And while you may be immune, I am... most definitely not. I'm angry and hurt and... God, I told myself you could never do this to me again." She stood and moved to the street, waving down a taxi.
He stood, still slightly weak. "You're just gonna leave me?"
She rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding me? Are you helpless? In five minutes, you can fly. It's the rest of us that have to deal with the ground."
He watched her taxi as it faded down the street. Had he truly done it? Messed them up beyond repair? She was always the one unchanging thing in his life. And she'd gone and changed. She said The Planet was her one constant thing. He didn't blame her. How could she see him as he saw her?
He was alone.
*************************************
"Where are you, Lane?"
"I'm at home."
"What? You can't sit at home when we're in a city-wide crisis!"
"I have a personal crisis." She rolled a pillow over itself and pressed it into her midriff. No wonder she'd given in to sex last night. She'd been in the late stages of ovulation. And it had been less than pleasant to discover her body's state in the back of a cab still with crooked panty hose and no underwear, praying the flood gates would hold until she was home. She groaned. The first two days of her period were always the worst. She wished the entire world would go away. "Perry... I-uh... I have my period." She thought of her editor at The Sentinel. This would buy her the afternoon off. "This blood clotting is just causing the worst cramps..."
"Oh, walk it off," Perry grunted. "You'll be fine."
She sighed. Apparently Perry wasn't the type to be blocked with the details of female troubles. Good to know, though it would make her life harder. "Perry, I've got things to do here, calls to make. I have a solid in with Doctor Grady and..."
"What? Why didn't you say so?"
"I didn't get the chance. You were rehashing Smallville with..."
"Kent. Yeah. How'd he do?"
What was she supposed to say? Clark had, apart from getting smacked down with kryptonite, done fairly well, playing good cop for her. "He was fine in the field, but I doubt he's a writer." It was the truth.
"What did you two do out there?"
She saw no reason to lie. "We got a hold of Lex's former assistant. But we... we lost her."
"Son of a... Never mind that for now," Perry barked. "My source at the P.D. says Ruby Ridge is all but pinned on Lionel. Our only hope is that Luthor's still coo-coo pants enough to be kept in."
"I know." She tossed the pillow away and got up. "And I'm on it. I'll be seeing Grady soon and..."
"Wait a sec... Are you thinking of convincing the good doctor to make sure Luthor doesn't get that clean bill of mental health?" She couldn't answer. It was almost exactly what she wanted. "Because if you are, then... We never had this conversation."
She found herself smiling. "Perry, I'm going to see the Doctor as a follow-up to my story. How could you think otherwise?"
He laughed, then turned serious. "Just get to work, Lane. And where the hell is Olsen with my..." The line went dead and she hung up, tossing her cell in the purse on her coffee table. It was past three o'clock. She had to talk to Grady and soon, forget waiting for his call.
The knock at her door startled her. She moved to open it and found Clark there. She opened the door silently. "I'd tell you to leave, but what's the point? You never listen, anyway." He stepped in and she closed the door. "I need to get changed. Wait here." She'd tried a more productive shower when she got home and was still wearing sweats. She couldn't see Grady like this.
"Wait." He held out the bag she realized was in his hands. "I owe you a shirt."
She took it and pulled the fabric out. "I heart Metropolis," she read off it. "Gee thanks." She moved into her room and tossed the shirt on her bed. She'd changed the sheets and cleaned up all evidence of them. It made her feel clean and confident. She pulled on some black slacks and a green tank, taking out a blazer to go with them and moved back to the living room, pulling her blazer on as he sat in her easy chair silently.
"It's my fault," he said quietly. "I know what I did to you all those years. And I feel this guilt and... There's no apology good enough."
"I won't argue." She sat on her couch and put on the black heels she'd kicked off earlier.
"Last night, I just... I came to ask to be friends, but you were so... I couldn't take that you said you didn't need me. And...maybe I did what I did because I wanted you to need me again. Want me again."
"Yeah, well... We never had problems in the bedroom Clark, though I'd have to say that the number of times we were actually in a bedroom was scant." She sighed. "Whatever attraction there's been... It was never enough. I couldn't be your fuck buddy one moment and your cheerleader the next."
He looked up. "You think that's what I wanted?"
She shrugged. "It's what ended up happening. And it killed me every day."
"Is there... I mean, there has to be a way to get past this."
She shook her head. "The last five years have been this cycle. One said yes and the other said no and we still always ended up sleeping together, anyway. And one of us got hurt." She looked hard at him. "And it was usually me. You seemed to have this ability to compartmentalize things, events. I couldn't. Because my biggest saving grace had always been the truth. For years, I let it be swept under a rug just to get through the next crisis. Because I kept thinking that... soon, we'd sort it out. Soon, we'd figure us out." She smiled. "Now... Well, I have to lie every day, every time I say my name. I can't pile on anymore."
He took a deep breath and she could see him struggling to bring out this next word. "Lois..."
"I understand that you want to stay in Kansas. Your mom's here and your life has been here. Hell, Clark, you could be to Metropolis what Oliver is to Star City. And that's great. And a part of me will be proud of you and respect your work. I've always respected what you do. It's who you are that I have a problem with. I... I can't be your friend."
He stared at her and she was surprised to find his eyes moist. "If Kal had never happened... If that other side of you and me had never started... We could be okay. Like we were. Best friends."
"We were never okay. From the first time we slept together, it was all a lie."
"Yeah, but..." He shrugged. "Wishful thinking, I guess. If it had never happened..."
"Are you saying that you wish we'd never slept together? Had that... other side?"
"Yes," he breathed. "And it's not just you. If I'd known all along that I would end up this way, I wouldn't have put anyone in danger. You, Lana... He went after both of you. And it was about me."
"I've learned a long time ago, Clark, that it's always about you." She stood and put her purse on her shoulder. "I don't know... If you felt for me all the things I once wanted you to... We still wouldn't have been okay. For you, it's all or nothing. With Lana, you wanted to be a regular guy. With me, you wanted to be a lonely hero. But lonely heroes don't have friends and lovers, Clark. They certainly don't get to have both in one."
"So... I can't even have the friend?"
She moved to the door. "You never believed in your ability to have two lives. Oliver does it. Oliver's happy. You... I don't think you want to be happy. Everything you've chosen for yourself leaves happiness out of the equation. You would have been dissatisfied ignoring your destiny with Lana. And you'll be lonely embracing your destiny and nothing else. But... I can't be some balm for your loneliness. I want to live for myself. Everything I want is at my fingertips. The only thing holding me back is you."
He sat in the chair. Her hand was on the knob. She wished he'd get the picture and move. "Lois, I... I want you to be happy."
She opened the door. "Then stay away, Clark. And I'm not saying this to be mean. I can't have you in my life. So..." It figured he was just sitting there. But she wouldn't let him hold her back anymore. "Please lock the door when you leave."
Previous Chapter
Chapter Twelve
No comments:
Post a Comment