Almost Clark (Chapter Twenty)

Spoilers for Sneeze, Wither, Subterranean, Labyrinth. Small mentions of Hydro, Justice.

Chapter Twenty

She felt awful. A cold wouldn't be the end of the world, even for a Kryptonian. But she still felt awful. She'd used kryptonite and chloroform to drug her best friend. She knew it had been for his own good. There was no other way to get him dressed and away from the apartment after she'd got the necklace away from Kal. It was the only way, otherwise he'd know what he'd done - what they'd done - for sure.

In fact, if Clark knew why, she bet he'd probably thank her. Of course, he couldn't know, as it would put a strain on their friendship, if not end it.

As it was, he didn't know and couldn't know and it was no use worrying about it. She and Martha had got him home as she laid the foundation of lies that Clark was sick. Of course, she felt guiltier than ever when, the next week, it turned out Clark was sick from something he picked up in The Zone. Something like a cold, but packing a sneeze that packed a punch. She wondered if it would have happened if she hadn't weakened him with kryptonite.

But all had turned out well. Clark did have a shiny new power to play with. She supposed he had two things to thank her for. She'd add it to the gigantic list of "I-owe-you-ones."

They were fine now. Things were fine.

So why was she sitting in a car with Jimmy and thinking about Clark? To be fair, they weren't exactly doing anything. They were here to check out Jimmy's hot tip "that there's something weird going on up here. I thought it might be a good story."

"And by weird you mean two people at make-out point not making out?" She almost wished they would. It would be harder to think of Clark that way.

"You're right," he said. "You know what? We're undercover. We should probably be a little more convincing." His hand crept to her shoulder.

She smiled. Sometimes he was just so precious. He might not find that a compliment, not being three years old or a puppy, so she didn't share. "Are you putting the moves on me?" she asked instead.

He snatched his hand away. "No, no. C'mon..." He was still before asking "Do you want me to?"

She did... and she didn't. "Okay, look, I know we planted our flag on the summit of intimate territory back when we were interns, but..."

Jimmy looked hurt. "I thought it was... I mean, wasn't it?"

"No, it definitely was," she said quickly. It was true. It had been... sweet.

"Okay, me, too. R-really. I mean, really, really."

She smiled and looked down. Really, huh? "Definitely. And it's not like I wouldn't mind exploring that territory again...one day. But I just thought maybe this time we could take it a little slower?" Yes. She had to ease into this. You didn't just get over Clark Kent by hopping in the sack right away. The comparison would be unfair.

"Oh, I'm slow," he said, then covered his face at what he'd said. "Slow is great." He held her gaze. "You'll barely see me move."

He smiled and looked down and it was all too damned cute to take. She jumped him.

It wasn't the hottest kiss of her life, but it felt nice to kiss him, touch him, all the while knowing that he felt for her all the things she wanted someone to. Maybe they could plant that flag again. Maybe it would stick this time if they...

She pulled away as a scream reached her ears. "What was that?" She turned her head. "That came from the path. Come on." She grabbed her purse.

"Oh, yeah we should definitely go check that out in the really dark woods."

She opened the door. "Let's go." He was cute, but a bit of a wuss. Clark would have been there already. Of course Clark was practically invincible. He might not be so fearless if he was actually risking harm. She really had to stop idealizing Clark.

Besides, not everyone was a hero. At least Jimmy was always honest.

***************************************

Jimmy was odd. He was going on about shooting hoops and Chloe. Clark was more than a little dazed. After a day filled with such confusion and mixed emotions, he couldn't absorb much more. To top it off, he was feeling a little grouchy. They'd been about to kiss just before he spoke and Jimmy went off on his bizarre monologue. He felt extremely uncomfortable with the idea of Chloe kissing people. Sometimes he forgot she was female. The reminders that she was unnerved him.

"I'm your bro, not your foe," Jimmy was saying. He held up his fist. "Ring that bell, baby." Clark bumped it with his own, assuming that's what he was looking for. "There it is," Jimmy said, touching Chloe's back as he walked away.

Chloe lost it, giggling. "Please don't ask any follow-up questions."

He smiled. "Well, nice byline," he said instead. Maybe he didn't need to know.

"Hey, thanks." she sat down, gazing up at him with a grin. "Yeah. It wouldn't have a happy ending if it wasn't for you, though. Come on, Clark, you put a psycho killer away, and you reunited a mother with her son. I mean, there are only so many hours in the day."

Well, see, that's the thing. No matter how many people I save, I can't solve the world's problems." An illegal Alien. He was more an alien than any of those migrant workers and he lived a happy, privileged life. Maybe after he finished cleaning up the mess The Phantom Zone had wreaked, he could help. He could work for his mother. Maybe he'd finish college, majoring in political science.

It was all too confusing. He had no idea what to do with his life. He didn't even know if he'd have one to speak of. Jor-El would call him off someday, force him to do whatever it was Jor-El meant for him. He knew the day was coming. maybe he wouldn't have time to heal the world.

Chloe was staring at him thoughtfully. "I don't know anyone else who does more for this world than you."

He found himself smiling as he ran home. She'd meant that and it was balm to his confusion. Whatever happened, Chloe believed in him. Somehow, that helped him believe in himself.

*****************************************

"You're sure I was only out for a second?" Clark asked again.

"I was walking from my car when I heard you fall," Chloe said, handing him a mug of cocoa before sitting next to him on the couch. "And by the time I got to the barn, you were on your feet."

"It felt like a lifetime," he was saying.

"I gotta give the Phantom props. Dangling the Lana carrot is a pretty tempting offer. But he clearly has never come across the steel will of Clark Kent." She congratulated herself on how nice and casual she sounded. Something felt sour inside, but she tamped it down.

"Chloe, you don't understand. I almost gave up everything and everyone that I care about... for Lana."

Chloe felt the sour feeling return. "Wait a second. Based on the pending nuptials, I thought Lana was past tense." Not that she cared. She really didn't. She had Jimmy.

"So did I." He let out a long sigh. "The truth is, I still love her."

Chloe felt as if something was squeezing her chest. "I guess Kryptonite's not your only weakness," she choked out. It was no use fighting the feelings. they'd always been there and they'd probably never leave. She could only hope they'd fade in time. "So, who was I in your alternate universe? Editor in Chief of the Daily Planet? Or a Pulitzer Prize winner, maybe?"

"Something like that, yeah," Clark said, not meeting her eyes. "The important part is... you were the one person who believed in me." His eyes returned to her. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Chloe."

His eyes were warm and so impossibly blue, she felt her chest constrict again. "Oh, is this when I'm supposed to cue the Barry Manilow music?" she asked, trying to keep it light. She had to tread carefully with him.

"No, seriously," he inssited. "You mean a lot more to me than you know."

He held her gaze for a long moment. She rolled her eyes, tried to laugh, but nothing came out.

************************************************

She paced the length of the tiny living room, almost wishing Lois was home. She was working late at The Inquisitor, though. Since Oliver had left, Lois had been away more and more. Chloe wanted distraction. She needed it. She had to make sure the feelings stayed buried.

She sank on the couch and buried her face in her hands. Everything had been perfect. She'd kept her feelings for Clark on a tight leash for a while now. And now?

Now they were torturing her again. Why did he do this? In one breath, he confesses he still loved Lana and, in the next, says something to her that's so sweet, so sincere... so cruel.

She'd been through too much this month, but she'd been a trooper. She'd got through the idea of Lois kissing Clark when she'd thought he was Oliver in Green Arrow guise. She'd even teased him about it. She'd been so proud of herself.

She got through becoming the secret-keeper for four more genetically-enhanced guys with hero complexes. Watchtower, they'd called her. It fit. She was always looking after everyone, holding their secrets close. And who watched out for her? Who kept her secret? She felt responsible, even without any extra abilities, to save the world. Who could she got to for solace?

She shook her head. She supposed she wasn't being fair to Jimmy. He cared for her. He tried so hard to make her happy. Maybe she should call him, work out all this frustration in the tiny space she called her room. But how would that help? Sex with Jimmy was... tame. He was sweet and worshipful and full if awe and discovery. He was...

"Boring," she said aloud, feeling guilty as she said it. If she had an orgasm with him, it was because she was thinking of another. At other times, she faked it.

It didn't make sense. Jimmy was supposed to be the answer. He was supposed to wash away all her feelings for Clark and Kal and turn her into the kind of girl that deserved a sweet guy like him. Instead, she felt restless with him, sometimes even resentful. Why didn't it work?

She threw her head against the couch and slowed her breathing. Her mind was on the lead box in her closet. She'd found it in The Talon's supply closet. It was just grey and plain and probably had held records and receipts once. Now it held something far less harmless. And she wouldn't let her body go where her mind was leading.

She just needed to calm down. She really did want to be with Jimmy. He made her feel... wanted. She got up and clapped her hands to her thighs. She just had to find another way to work off her frustration. She found herself slipping into heavy sweats. Why hadn't she thought of this before? The cold air, the pavement beneath her feet. She lived with a workout addict and the most exercise she got was going from the coffee pot to her desk, repeating many times.

She hit the streets, going around and around the block, counting her footfalls, watching the steamy puffs of her breath. She ran until she was sore, numb. It was what she needed. She needed to numb herself to the feelings. Soon they'd get the message and leave for good.

But when?

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Chapter Twenty-One