Martha stared at Clark across the table at a diner off exit 12. Clark had been ready to drive to the house, but Martha, knowing his limitations, had insisted on meeting him halfway, something he still didn't like. He didn't want her to go to the trouble. It was his... problems they were here to discuss, after all. Of course, her logic had won out in the end.
Though she didn't look like she was happy with it at the moment. After nearly an hour of full disclosure, she looked as if the cream in her coffee had gone south.
"Mom... say something."
She looked up from her coffee. "Oh, I was just thinking about our very open relationship this year." She sighed. "Not sure how I feel about that."
"Yeah. Me neither." He squirmed in his seat slightly, wondering if he should have left out the part where Lois wanted to have more sex... and maybe the fact that they'd had sex at all. "I... I just... I feel like I can't talk to anyone else. There's no one else who can do that thing."
Martha squinted at him. "That thing?"
"You know... That thing where you listen, then you kind of smack me upside the head... Figuratively, I mean."
Martha suddenly smiled. "You know, your vocabulary has really improved lately. Must be the writing."
Clark shook his head. "Not much of a smack, Mom."
She spread her hands on the table. "I don't think that's what you need right now, Clark." She smiled to herself. "Don't get me wrong. In these last few years, there were times I wanted to smack you up both sides of your head repeatedly. And I think I would have, except for how I'd break my hands." She flicked his hand. "But Clark... You've grown up a lot. I can honestly say that now. You really do look before you leap and... Well... Maybe that's the problem." She grasped his palm. "Maybe you're examining everything a little too much."
"You sound like Victor."
She shrugged. "I always liked Victor." She patted his hand, then sat back. "Look, you seemed to have regained your strength when you were angry and... Clark, maybe that should tell you something. You know, Lois isn't the only one with a mental block. You... Clark, you seem to want to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, and then you want to punish yourself for finding it heavy." She was silent and his eyes met hers. "Sweetie, you can let go sometimes. You can't control what you feel. Maybe you just need to let yourself feel it. Whatever it is."
"So I should get mad and just rampage around crushing everything to bits? Because that seems to be all I have right now."
"I'm not saying that. I'm saying..." She took a deep breath. "I think you got into a certain habit with Lois. You seem to want to repress what you feel, as if she'll somehow see it and run away."
He looked up suddenly.
"Yes, Clark. I have eyes and a mind and both work." Martha shook her head. "I'm no therapist, but I'd like to think I'm an expert on at least one person's workings. And you, Sweetie, are guided by fear. It should be silly, really, considering who you are. But you're afraid of what you can do. You always were. You're afraid of what your feelings could make you do." She tilted her head. "Tell me you didn't want to punish those doctors or even Lex, after you found she'd been contacting him or..."
"But I didn't want to. I tried the best I could to..."
"You did want to, Clark. You have to face up to the fact that you, while slightly more able than the average human, are, really, no more than human in many ways. You wanted to and you didn't and that says a lot about the kind of boy I've raised." She took his hand again. "I believe in you, Clark. I believe you will always try to do what's right. I believe that you are in complete control of your powers, if not your emotions. Why don't you?"
"I... Mom, I've screwed up in every way. I insinuated myself into her life and then... Even with this story, I got myself kidnapped and..."
"No. You followed your heart." She nudged his leg under the table. "Even with that kidnapping, I... I think it was about you wanting to believe anyone was redeemable and... Clark, I'm glad you're this way. I'm glad you always hope for better." She smiled tiredly. "As far as Lois, I... Well, I wasn't always sure it was the wisest thing to do, coming back into her life. But I know you did it out of hope." She squeezed his hand harder. "Honey, I hope, too. I want her to know you and me and all of us again just the way she did. But if that doesn't happen... I want to think that you would still go on. There's a harsh world out there." She reached across the table and touched his cheek. "And it needs Superman."
"Mom..." He shook her off, looking around the diner. It was nearly empty, but it still felt strange... And maybe just being worried someone would know should give him hope. Maybe hope was the key, here. "I don't seem to have any control. Even those times I used my powers, they were just... involuntary reflexes. I don't know if I could..."
"Admit you need help?"
"How much help?" he asked tiredly. "The League cant stay around forever, Oliver's still the mayor in Star City and Metropolis needs its own..."
"Not with that. With your powers." She nodded. "You can say when you need help. There's no shame in it."
"I... I don't want to need help," he said, though it was hard to say. "I just want things to be like they were."
"In which way? Your powers or with her?"
He toyed with a half-empty sugar packet. "Probably selfish to want both."
"Then maybe just focus on the one. Huh?"
When he got home, he stared at his phone for what felt like an hour before he picked it up.
"Hi, Doctor..." He sighed. "Murray, it's me. I was thinking of what you said about you and Ramirez and and I'd... Well, I'd like to hear your thoughts..."
******************************
The black car pulled up and she started out, following the man with the red hair. Two men in dark suits still in the car behind them. She turned back as one sort of smiled at her as the car pulled away. She didn't find it reassuring.
She clutched her bag and followed the red-haired man again, nearly bumping into him.
"It's okay, Honey," he whispered, not turning back to her. "Don't act so nervous. They're watching. We know what to do."
She let him move on, feeling strangely comforted, staring at the house as the car's noise faded down the road.
He finally turned to her at the door, opening it and smiling back at her.
She walked on, up the steps on legs that felt like jelly, then through the white door, looking around her until everything... stopped.
And the black car pulled up. She started out, following the man with the red hair. Two men in dark suits still in the car behind them. She turned back as one sort of smiled at her as the car pulled away. She still didn't find it reassuring.
She wanted to walk back to the man, stop the car, ask why he kept f*cking smiling, but her body turned to the house as her hands clutched her bag. She followed the red-haired man for what felt like the millionth time, nearly bumping into him.
"It's okay, Honey," he whispered, not turning back to her. "Don't act so nervous. They're watching. We know what to do."
She wanted to ask who was watching. She was sick of moving through the same moment, never knowing what happened after the car's noise faded down the road. After he turned to her at the door. After he smiled. After she walked up the steps and through the white door. After everything stopped.
"NO!" She stared at the man, frozen in the entryway. Then back at the car, kicking up dust, frozen far away. "No. Keep going."
"It can't." She turned and saw the girl, standing on the porch, but... different. She wore a dark suit. Her hair was darker and just brushed her shoulders and she looked remarkably like... herself. Just so impossibly young and baby-faced. "That part's gone."
"But I... I have to know what happens."
"He took what happens. He took a lot."
"Then you tell me." She moved to the girl. "You seem to have all the answers. Why am I so scared? Who's watching?"
"I don't know. I only have what's left and I can't even get it unless you let me."
"Fine. I'm letting you."
"It's not that easy. You can't go from point A to point C. You have know what B is first. You need to find it."
"This doesn't help." She gestured to the frozen scene. "Why is this left? This tells me nothing!"
"It could tell you everything."
Lois wanted to shake her until her teeth rattled. "How do you know?"
"I don't. Not for sure. You just have to keep going."
"I'm trying!" she shouted as the girl still stared sadly at her.
"You aren't trying hard enough," the girl said, shaking her head. "You still have what he couldn't take. Not in here, but out there."
"And what's that?"
The girl opened her mouth, but no words came out. Only a piercing sound.
"Just talk. Tell me!"
The sound continued to come in short bursts, a sort of ear-splitting ring that...
"Lucy!" she screamed, nearly desperate now. "That name... Tell me about..."
"Lucy!"
Lois shot up and looked around her. Her place. Her couch. Her... phone. She grappled to her side, finally grasping the phone on her end table. She brought it to her ear, sliding to a sitting position on the couch.
"Hello? Lane, here."
"Lane?" There was a pause. "Interesting choice, now that I think about it." The voice sounded deep. Male.
"Who is this?"
"It's Lex. I..." There was some laughter on the other end. "I just have the one name, really."
She felt suddenly chilled. "How did you get my home number?" He'd called her at The Planet, but she thought she'd put an end to it there. "I told you there was no need to call me on this. You are in no way implicated by the..."
"I think we need to meet. And soon," he interrupted smoothly. In fact, he sounded all too smooth. None of the desperation of before.
It somehow frightened her more. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Oh, but it is. There's so much I need to say to you, Miss... Lane."
She slammed the phone to the cradle and stood, backing away from it. There was something about his tone that raised the hairs on the back of her neck. She couldn't exactly pinpoint what, but...
There was a banging at the door and she screamed. She froze, staring at it, because he was here. He was going to...
"Open the damned door," a voice yelled. "I never got the key and I have two full bags here and my back is killing me and..."
"Coming, Linda," she shouted. Was she getting paranoid? She opened the door and took one of the bags before Linda dropped it.
"I got more ice cream," Linda said in a rush. "And some of those veggie chips. They say there's a half serving of vegetables in every serving and I think that's important with the baby. I mean, I hated vegetables, but if I get the baby started early, then maybe I won't have to force-feed the broccoli down the line and..." Linda placed her bags on the counter. "Are you okay?"
Lois stood, still clutching a bag near the doorway. "I'm great." She hastily placed it on a side table, then closed the door, locking it, then throwing the deadbolt and chain as well. "Had a nap." Had a call, too. She wasn't sure about mentioning that. After all her talk about Luthor being harmless, she felt a little sheepish, as well as horrified, to be wrong.
Linda moved to her and placed a hand on her face. "Honey, you're shaking."
"I had a bad..." phone call. Just say it. Then ask her. Ask her everything. Maybe she'll tell you. She's family. "A bad dream," she finally finished. The right words seemed poised on her tongue, but she couldn't make them come out.
Linda brushed her hair from her forehead. "Must have been a doozy. What was it?"
"It was nothing," she breathed.
"Doesn't seem like nothing." Linda tucked a hair behind her ear, then bent to the side and picked up the bag. "Sure you don't want to talk about it? I was reading this book on dream analysis. I might have a few insights." She put the bag on the counters. "I mean I know shoes have a lot to do with either sex or moms or... Okay. I haven't finished the book yet. It's sitting at home, which is a shame." She took a gallon of milk out of the bag and opened it. "I have been having some screwed up dreams. Must be Junior... or Junior Miss." She raised the milk to her lips and gulped about a quarter of it down.
Lois stared at her, wondering if this was the time to say it all. "My dream was kind of strange. Just... the same thing over and over and I couldn't make it change."
Linda wiped her mouth and set the gallon down. "I think that's supposed to mean something, like life is monotonous or... I don't know. I guess the meaning would depend on what you were doing."
"I was just... getting out of a car."
"Travel." Linda nodded, leaning on the counter. "Cars probably mean travel or... Damn. I wish I had that book. What else?"
"I was holding a suitcase."
"I knew it! Travel. And?"
"It was a black SUV and there were two men in it. I was following another man. A man with red hair."
Linda stroked her chin. "I think red-haired people are supposed to be beacons or guides..." She stopped, turning more fully to Lois. "A man with red hair?"
"Yes." Lois stared hard at her cousin, letting it pour out. "He had a suitcase, too. And we were going up to this white house in the middle of nowhere. Most of the roads weren't even paved and I looked back at the car and one of the men smiled, but it wasn't a nice smile. But the red-haired man called me Honey and told me it was okay and not to act nervous and that someone was watching and I followed him into the house and then..."
Linda was still.
"See..." Lois shook her head. "That's where it starts over."
"Uh-huh."
"I... wish I knew what it meant."
"That's, uh... You know, I shouldn't be passing myself off as an expert. I... just read half of one book. I'm..." Linda turned away. "I'm the wrong person to ask."
"I don't know who else to ask," Lois said, moving toward her. "You're my family. I want to think we can tell each other everything. Linda..."
"Is it quarter to three already? I should take my pills."
"Then take them," Lois said, feeling edgy now. "But I don't see why we can't... quarter to three?" Lois growled slightly as she stared at the clock on the microwave. She was supposed to meet Clark in fifteen minutes and she'd hardly got any of her research in. Not about Met Vista. She wasn't worried about that. It would take nothing to prep for this interview. But this loomed larger in her mind and she'd wasted precious alone time napping.
And now she had to leave just when she was on the verge of... maybe everything. Maybe nothing. She stared at Linda's back as she opened pill bottles, shaking one of this and two of that into her hand. She was the one she needed right now. Even though so much had been taken from her, there was so much Linda. These bright spots. They were a bit like Pammie's super 8 movies. Sort of happy and bright, but so short... And there was so much that didn't fit. She could relearn the facts surrounding her, but there was one piece that wouldn't click. That name that kept creeping into her mind. She didn't know where to put it. What did it have to do with her? That name...
"I have to go," she said dully.
"Okay," Linda said, not turning.
She sighed and started for her room. She got as far as the door, but something made her stop. That odd piece. That name...
"Why Lucy?" she found herself asking.
Linda turned to her then, her eyes wide. "What?"
"You said you wanted to name the baby Lucy. Why?"
Linda stared at her for a long time and she knew this was something, something she would say. "I... just like the name. Uh... Great Beatles song."
Lois looked away, nodding. "Got it."
She moved into her room and grabbed her bag and coat, seething.
She'd get no help from Linda. That was clear. She'd given her every chance and she got nothing. If she were to ask, even outright, what would she get? Lies and misdirection. Even as she invaded her space with her slightly clinging presence so she didn't even have time alone to find what she needed. She wasn't even sure she could trust Linda not to hamper her. She wasn't a fool. The information she'd found while at Met Vista, even things she'd remembered seeing before she knew... They were gone. They'd disappeared after she'd told Linda... and Clark.
She'd be seeing Clark in minutes. She took a deep breath. The story, after all. They had to finish the story.
For once, she was glad of it. There was more than a story in this meeting.
She left her room and found Linda still in the kitchen, staring out the tiny window.
"I'm going."
Linda started to turn to her, then faced away again, her body stiff. "Yeah. Okay. I'll see you later."
She opened the door, then turned back again. "You know what? Maybe you shouldn't. This isn't a very big apartment, Linda. I'm... feeling a little crowded."
"Uh... Yeah. I can see that," she said softly. "I mean, I've been here a few days now and I didn't mean to take over. I just...
"I'm sure you feel crowded in here, too. Not a very airy place... for the baby and all."
Linda nodded, her back still to Lois. "Well... I wasn't going to say anything, but..." Linda took a breath and turned. "I mean, I should probably stop putting it off, telling Ollie and all." She laughed slightly. "Like you said, he might start to suspect something in a year or two."
Lois couldn't even smile back. "Definitely." She moved to the door. "Well, I'm off."
"Yeah. Have a good... thing... meeting." Linda turned sharply away. "Bye."
Lois shook slightly as she pulled at the locks and opened the door. She wouldn't do it. She wouldn't go to her and tell her she didn't mean it because she did. She was going to have her space and find herself. She managed to get to the hallway and close it before she sagged against it.
It wasn't long before she heard soft sobs from the other side. But she walked away from them, from Linda.
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