How We Got Here (Part Thirteen)

December 22nd, 2011

"Chloe, you can tell me anything. This was supposed to be... that kind of night." More than that, this was them and a few years estranged, then apart, didn't change the fact that Chloe Sullivan and Clark Kent had no secrets between them,

She looked everywhere but at him. "Even if this changes how you see me? Forever?" She let out a bitter laugh. "Bet you'll sign those papers with superspeed then."

"Chloe, it's not like you killed someone."

She laughed again hoarsely, then met his eyes as her laughs devolved into sobs. "Yes, it is. It's exactly like that."

He was really hoping she was talking about Chloe Sullivan here. "So you faked your death," he said, waiting for her to confirm that was it, that it had to be it. "It's not the same as actually killing..."

"I'm not talking about me and I don't regret what I did to me," she said dully. "You should know that by now."

He grasped at straws. "If you think Jimmy was your fault, then get in line. A million actions contributed to..."

She shook her head and pulled away. "This happened long before Jimmy died, but not that long before."

"You know, things have happened in your life," he said, almost eagerly. "You've had to defend yourself against a lot of..."

"This wasn't self defense. Maybe... indirectly, but... Oh, God, what does it even matter? Why even tell you?" She stood and paced away. "This is pointless. This whole night is f*cking pointless! Why are you doing this to me?" she asked on a growl as she turned to pin him with her stare. "Why won't you just sign the f*cking papers? I'm legally dead, anyway. So we aren't even legally married."

"So why bother?" He stood, his fists clenched. She kept doing it. Every time he got close, she pushed at him. It was, in a way, their many years together played out in this one angry night. "Why even sign your f*cking papers?"

"I don't even care, Clark. I've left it behind already. I'm finished. I'm doing this for Allan. You sign and I'll pay the damned fees to file it. He needs to know I'm free of you, then we can make it all right. I can declare myself alive, change my name to what it's been, then to his. I just want to move on. I want to stop hiding and I want this to be legal and normal."

"How is faking your death legal or..."

"I'll take care of it quietly. I was in England," she said, lifting her chin. "I just... Got away, started writing under a pen name. And... how was I supposed to know everyone thought I was dead?"

"That's a big, fat lie."

"You of all people can't preach at me about that, so don't even try. And after that, everything will be above board and I can move on."

"How above board?" he asked, crossing his arms. "Are you also planning on telling Lois and Ollie you're alive?"

She stilled and looked away. "I hadn't got that far." She met his eyes again. "But I don't see why I should. They aren't looking for me. Everyone's fine. They don't need me anymore and I am f*cking ecstatic not to be needed. Once again, this isn't all about me and you. I didn't only have to watch myself slip away. I had to watch my cousin get everything, absolutely everything I ever wanted. And maybe it's petty, but don't you think that gutted me at every turn?" Her voice rose as she paced. "I could pretend I was happy with what scraps of identity were left for me to pick up every single, God damned time I had to figure out who the f*ck I was again. Then I thought I had it with Watchtower. Something I could have, something secret. So secret no one could take it away, but also so secret, I... I pretty much ceased to exist. And Ollie... Sure, he taught me how to laugh again, but being with him pulled me further and further into a world that was taking away everything." She stopped yelling, her voice a bare whisper. "I need to start over. Alone. Without any of you. Without Chloe Sullivan. Why can't you see that? Why won't you let me."

He swallowed hard, knowing he couldn't argue with anything she just said. "Because this night isn't over yet." It wasn't exactly a good argument or an argument at all. But it was all he had left. "You still won't tell me what you did."

She paled and backed to the wall. "And I don't want to."

"I know you don't. But I also know you need to."

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back. "I've done terrible things for your sake. And I'm not talking about a fake wedding. Can't we leave it at that and end this?"

"You think I haven't done terrible things for your sake?"

"Nothing like this." She shook silently before she suddenly exploded. "For God's sake, Clark, I killed a man!" She strode away from the wall, breathing through her teeth. "And it wasn't some thug coming at me with murder in his eyes. It wasn't someone bent on killing me." She stopped, hugging her arms. "He was in a hospital bed, for crying out loud. It wasn't even remotely self defense. His name was Sebastian Kane... or Wilson Turner, really. You'd think I could get it straight, considering I ended his existence."

"Sebastian Kane. I remember him, I guess." Clark shook his head. "He attacked Lois and... I stopped him. But I hardly met him. I didn't even think about him later. I didn't even know he died."

"Guess he had to," she said, her voice trembling. "He was a memory thief, Clark. He was in Black Creek with me. He could read people with nothing more than a touch. He said something about what he saw when he touched you, and I... touched him right back. I killed him."

Clark sank to the couch and stared at her, trying to imagine her coldly cocking a gun, calculatingly messing with hospital equipment, or a knife in her hands.... but it was absolutely impossible to do. "How could you have killed him?" he said, almost to himself. "You'd never..."

"I touched him. I killed him."

"That makes no sense. Maybe you only think you're responsible or..."

"Don't you remember that year? He was a memory thief and I was infected with enough data to overload him, Clark. And the human mind is simply a highly sophisticated computer," she said, her voice suddenly a low drone. "Download too much information, and it crashes. And all the data's lost." She shuddered. "I said that. It's still stuck in there, so clear now, replaying in my head. At the time, it was all so hazy, as if it wasn't even happening, but it was. I could hear my voice, but with no... emotion. Later on, as I walked away from that room, realizing what I'd just done, I thought... I mean, how could I be so cold? He was human, wasn't he? He was just a confused metahuman who'd been tortured at Black Creek. And hadn't I been helping people like him for months? Why would I kill the very kind of person I was trying to save? So I locked it away. I buried it. It wasn't hard to do, my mind was bursting as it was, with Brainiac, with more than I could handle even without..."

"It was Brainiac," Clark cut in sharply. "It had to be."

"No," she said brokenly. "See, I've been over this, too. Brainiac was just the weapon. It had to be me. Ollie said it best. Protecting you is my natural instinct. Not Brainiac's."

"Oliver knew about this?"

June 6th, 2010

Oliver obviously knew. And Clark supposed he should try to explain this in some way, but right now all he wanted to do was rip his hands away from his damned wife.

Luckily, Chloe stepped in before he could, sliding from between Oliver and the desk. "How do you know?"

He laughed rather harshly and moved toward Chloe. "How could I not know what happens with my property?" Clark nearly ran at him, his eyes burning, before he went on. "Not you, Babe," he said with a smirk. "I'm talking about The Lucky Sevens Casino. One of Queen Industries potential properties. Was going to modernize the piece of sh*t. And I was so damned busy in Star City trying to set up Clark's defense, I had to send my assistant to check it out But you know what? I don't think I want it anymore," he said, glaring at Chloe. "Among other things."

"No, Oliver. Whatever you're thinking, you've got it wrong."

"Really? Because I was thinking my supposed girlfriend and my supposed friend got themselves hitched Vegas style. So unless you can tell me that's not true," he said, his voice rising. "Then I don't want to hear it." He moved toward Clark. "You playing strong and silent over there, Clark? Don't want to explain how my girlfriend is now your wife? Because I can find something green and shiny if you think it'll help loosen that tongue you were sticking down her throat."

Chloe moved between them. "He had nothing to do with it. I did it, Oliver. I got him drunk and..."

"Yes. Emil told me all about that little cocktail of yours," he said, still staring at Clark over her head. "Said you wanted to help the Boyscout let loose. I thought it was hilarious until I finally called James back and found out what the guy so urgently needed to tell me."

"Then you should know that Clark had no idea what he was doing. This wasn't If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me."

"I'm plenty mad at you. Don't worry," he said tightly. "And, take it from someone who's been on a few million benders of his own, you know what you're doing well enough."

Clark held his stare, keeping his silence. Because, right now, he wasn't sure if he wanted to toss him to the wall or beg for forgiveness.

"But let's just say," Ollie began, turning away moving towards the window and pulling a flask from his jacket, "that poor Clark was completely out of his mind and my brilliant girlf... Oh, sorry. I mean.. his wife hatched this plan." He turned back to Chloe. "What for? Little goodbye nookie? Want to finally get a piece of him after all this..."

She moved to him and took the flask. "Oliver, listen to me. I was sober. I got Clark drunk and tricked him into marrying me."

"Oh, that makes it all better," he said, grabbing for the flask.

She held it behind her. "I did this to save him from getting put away since he was being a stubborn ass. If we were married at the time of the events and, with a little date-fudging, we were, then I wouldn't have to testify against him when it went to trial."

Oliver stilled and stared down at her. "So you were just... this wasn't..."

"It's a piece of paper, Ollie. A legal marriage. That's all. I needed to do it for real so he'd accept that I wouldn't give evidence against him. And this is almost over. Emil took care of things. But I didn't know that then and I needed to be sure."

Oliver gaped at her. "Well... Why didn't you tell me you were gonna..."

"Would you have let me?"

"I... You know, Chloe, I've watched you do some extreme things for this guy, but this is a little too..."

"No. It's fine. When this dies down, we can fix it. Just a quick divorce and it'll be like it never happened and nobody besides us will ever know that we were married for two seconds now that there won't be a trial because..."

"F*ck!" Oliver grabbed his head. "I told Lois."

Chloe put a hand to her head. "Oh, God! Why did you..."

"What would you do? My assistant sees my girlfriend and my friend slapped against a wall and..." His eyes narrowed. "No." His face hardened. "No, no. This happened. And it's not all that happened. He saw you."

Chloe stepped back. "You mean your assistant... saw..."

"Oh, James." He said flippantly. "I forgot. You two never met, but he's seen your picture on my desk and I guess he knows things are serious after I had him set up an appointment at Tiffany's next week. You know what? I think I might miss that one."

Chloe paled. "Ollie..."

"It wasn't like I was going to spring it on you right away. I knew I'd be waiting. I mean, I slept with you for months before you'd even call yourself my girlfriend. You're not the kind of girl that just jumps up and marries any... Oh, wait."

"Oliver, it's not like that. I wasn't really..."

"Shhhh!" He moved slowly to her and grabbed his flask from her limp hand. "I want to tell you James' story. It's pretty funny." He took a long slug. "See, this place is a total sh*thole and he goes downstairs to complain about his running toilet, sees this couple making out obnoxiously, tells them to get a room. Then they do. Clark and Chloe Kent. The funniest part is how that girl named Chloe, that girl getting the honeymoon suite, looked exactly like the Chloe in my picture. Of course, he didn't know who Clark Kent was. But I did. Or I thought I did." He moved around Chloe to pin his eyes on Clark. "You can jump in any time you want to, Big Guy."

He didn't want to, but he would have, if Chloe hadn't first.

"No. Ollie." She moved in front of him again. "You need to believe me. The marriage was just to protect him. The rest is... not how it seems. "

"Just a legal marriage, right? Practically brother and sister. So you two didn't make out like teenagers and book the honeymoon suite?"

Chloe's mouth seemed to work, but nothing came out.

"You know what?" He pulled out his phone. "Let's settle this right now. You want to tell me James lied? God knows why he would, but if he did, I'll fire his ass this second."

Chloe took several deep breaths. "I did it for Clark."

Ollie gripped his phone and strode away. "That's like a f*cking echo with you."

She followed him to the door. "He was drunk and confused and he thought it was for real, so I let him think it, but only for a while. And we didn't do anything, not really. I swear I..."

"Is this our relationship, Chloe?" He whirled on her. "People see you naked in a bathroom with him or f*cking marrying him and I'm supposed to swallow everything."

"You know that was possession and this was just..."

"No. Fine. You'll do anything for Clark. Got it. But what about the man himself?" He moved to Clark. "Why would you do it?"

"I told you. He was drunk. He didn't know what he was..."

"Bullsh*t," Oliver spat. "Like I said, you know what you're doing just..."

"He's been pissed at me all week. He never wanted to..."

"No. I know drunk. No one can make you do something you don't want to do." He stopped close to Clark. "Had to have her, too, huh? Seems like every girl in your life has 'property of Clark Kent' stamped on her ass. Is that how it is?"

"Oliver, he's not even speaking to me. He..."

"That makes two of us," he cut in, throwing the words over his shoulder. "Besides, I really want to hear it from Clark."

The silence stretched between them as Clark stared from Oliver, his jaw clenched and eyes hard, to Chloe, her face squeezed into a mask of anguish as she stared from him to Oliver. He madly wondered what he looked like right now, maybe like a man condemned because it was all over now. Life as he knew it and this cozy, albeit dysfunctional circle of friends, was ending here and now.

There was nothing he could say or do. Oliver was right. Chloe didn't make him do anything. She only stripped away his inhibitions. And Chloe was right. It wasn't a real marriage in any way, not if she was fighting this hard to keep Oliver. Right now, he didn't care to keep this little circle together, himself. "I think we should file for divorce as soon as possible," he said to Chloe. He turned to Oliver. "And I don't think there's any point in talking about this. It happened. This is over. All of us are over." He moved to the door, suspecting that he could say goodbye to the rest of the gang as well. They'd follow Oliver or Chloe. He'd never been much of a joiner, anyway. As far as Lois...

"That's right. Walk away." Oliver shouted behind him. "That's what you do."

"Oliver, please. we're all upset. Maybe we need time to..."

"You know what I don't get, Chloe? Why you f*cking do this. How nothing else matters when it comes to him when he doesn't give two sh*ts whether you even know who he is," he finished on a yell.

Clark froze.

"Yeah. I think it's time we let Chloe know just who she keeps fighting for."

"Oliver, what are you..."

"Why don't you ask him what he did? Why don't you ask him why you don't remember your wedding?" Clark heard behind him. "Then ask yourself why you constantly throw away everything for him."

Clark closed his eyes as he felt Ollie brush past him. Heard the doors close with a mechanical hiss. He turned, then. He didn't want to, but he had to.

She wasn't staring after Oliver, but at him, her hands shaking as she gripped them in front of her. "What was he talking about, Clark?"

"It doesn't matter anymore." He started for the door again, but she threw herself in front of him.

"It matters to me. Because I still struggle with what I do and don't remember in those months and if you had some part in it..."

"I didn't take your memories," he said dully. "Brainiac did. I had Jor-El give them back."

"Then why don't I..."

"I told him not to give back all of them."

Her eyes went from hurt to confusion to determination in seconds. He was going to miss that, in a way. How easy she was to read if you just tried. "Then why do I still..."

"When the Legion removed Brainiac, they undid his work," he said, answering the question she hadn't finished asking. He'd miss that, too. How easily they shared a wavelength, even when he wished they didn't. "And mine," he added, knowing this was the final nail in their coffin. But it would be better this way.

"And you talk about messing with someone's life," she said hollowly.

"I know." He turned to the doors, waited for them to open again.

"Get out."

"I am." He said as they opened.

"And stay that way," she said on a breaking yell as he moved through them, bypassing the elevator for the stairs. He could leave faster that way. This could be over that much sooner. It really was only a matter of time before he lost everyone. Better to get it over with.

When he stepped onto the street, he pulled out his phone, checked his text messages, knowing what he'd find. Just one from Lois. A very simple "f*ck you." He knew, if she was even open to trying to work it out, he'd find a five-text rant. He tried her number, knowing he'd find himself blocked. And he did. She'd moved right to the hate. And maybe she should. All that night, on what he thought was his last free night, through the touching and the kissing and the wedding, he hadn't once thought of her. So why should he bother trying to fix this? Right now, he didn't feel much like trying. Back there with Oliver, he knew he could have foisted the blame to Chloe. He could do the same with Lois. And what good would that do? It would only alienate her from all of them. And he knew she didn't want that. He was the one who wanted it. Right now, he wanted to be alone more than anything.

He stared up at the clear sky. Not even a cloud there. He could be as alone as he wished and he swore, as he stared, that he could lift up this second if...

A car's horn blared to his left and he looked around at the people milling around after work. This wasn't the time to try. He reflected, as he moved into an alleyway ready to speed out and away, that every time he'd thought of trying seemed to be the wrong time to try. He didn't exactly feel like analyzing that right now. Once upon a time, he would have. He and his parents, or he and Chloe, would sit for hours, talking out hows and whys. Those days were over. Those people were effectively gone.

And he knew he should care. But right now, he didn't.

December 22nd, 2011

"Oliver knew about this?"

"He saw the footage of me walking away as he died," Chloe said on a whisper. "He wanted to be sure I kept quiet about him and Lex, so he said, if I told, he'd tell you what I..."

"What?" Clark stood abruptly.

"He blackmailed you? That son of a..."

"Jesus, why did I say that?" She moved to Clark. "Clark, let it go. He was in a dark place and floundering and..."

"And that means he can blackmail you and get away with it?" He clenched his fists. "And you dated him after that?"

"A year had gone by and things were different by then and we'd talked it out a few... it doesn't even matter now. Blackmail or survival instinct, it hardly matters n..."

"It's blackmail and it mattered then and it matters now. Because you let him. You could have told me yourself."

"And have you drop me three months earlier than you actually did? And you're one to talk about not telling people things since you never would have told me about my memories and..."

"Don't change the subject. I wouldn't have dropped you. I would have helped you. Because I would have known that you running around killing people is not you at all!"

"Maybe it is when it comes to you!" she yelled, then quieted. "or it was then. Maybe you were right to try to take my memories if I was such a dangerous..."

"Don't say that. You aren't dangerous. You were possessed and I've done terrible things without even that excuse. When you love someone..."

"Listen, let's not enumerate all the times you've gone off the deep end for Lana. I think we all know by now that was a f*cked up..."

"I'm not talking about Lana. I'm talking about you."

"You imply you love me one more time and..."

"Well, I f*cking do. Do you know how many ways I've tried to give you up and couldn't? You don't know what I've done for you."

"So how many people did you kill?"

"Not one. But I could have. Very easily. Those towers could have destroyed so many," he said, almost to himself, "I don't know what I was thinking. I could have just destroyed the technology, but I was stupid then, careless. And all I could think of was you."


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