Before Sunset (Part Nine)

(Art by Nyonyo, who was lovely enough to be inspired to draw this for this chapter)

He wasn't sure if he'd ever want to venture outside the world under the blanket again. He'd tried once, as it looked so sunlit, but he found it bitter and bone-chilling. But underneath, it was warm.

It was silly, really, feeling warmth on the floor of a cave littered with the bones of poor, dead rabbits, one of which he could feel poking him between what felt like his jeans and her jacket. It was probably technically warmer in the shack, but this just felt warmer. Maybe it was because his entire body was flushing with heat. Being pressed against a naked blonde will do that, especially if you'd had sex with that naked blonde.

Sex.

He wanted to giggle madly. He'd had sex last night.

And with Chloe.

He and Chloe had sex.

Chloe wasn't quite as giddy about the whole thing, considering she was still sleeping. Her hands were folded together, resting between their chests. Her head was bent and her forehead pressed into his neck. She shivered lightly and he used the arm that was not under her to pull the blanket higher, nearly over their heads, trying to frown concernedly.

They were still in The Yukon, if not the Arctic. They could have froze to death last night. The possibility of freezing to death was still very real. He had no right to grin like an idiot just becausethey'd had sex!

Problem was he couldn't help it.

Years of masturbation had in no way prepared him for this. Afterwards, he always felt sort of awkward and unsatisfied. He thought sex might leave him about the same, but he didn't feel awkward. He even felt satisfied... though not all the way. He shifted, trying not to poke at her under the blanket. He didn't want to wake her.

Well, he did, but not by prodding her with a morning erection. It seemed rude and demanding. Just because he'd been up for over an hour didn't mean she had to get up.

He just wished she would.

She moved against him and he held the blanket tighter over them, closing his lips tight. He glanced down as her head moved back, mouth opening slightly. His eyes fell to the base of her neck as she swallowed, mouth closing briefly. He wanted to lick her there, see if she woke up. See what kind of noises she'd make. He'd heard things from her last night he never had. It was a whole different Chloe. Not the one that needled him endlessly about getting his lunch menus in on time and taking journalism seriously, but one who hardly spoke at all, one who breathed his name and moaned barely intelligible sentences. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with Old Chloe, But New Chloe... He wanted to know that girl better. He wanted to hear what she had to... nearly say.

He stopped himself just short of brushing his lips over her collarbone. He was not going to wake her up. He would wait patiently and then...

Her leg shifted, brushing his erection and he found himself groaning, and loudly.

He winced as her eyes opened. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I was trying not to wake you."

"It's fine," she croaked before clearing her throat. Her eyes widened and she quickly shifted backward, just enough so her leg was no longer brushing him. "What time is it?"

"I have no idea," he said, trying to keep the blanket tight over them. "I'm guessing morning as the sun's not high enough, but I can't tell what part of morning." He tried to pull her in, but she proved kind of slippery, ducking out from under his arm and popping up. The blanket slipped from his hand as she moved backward. "I wouldn't do that just..."

"Jesus Christ!" She suddenly dove back under the blanket, hitting him in the chest with her elbow.

He let out a slight grunt, but didn't complain. "Told you." He pulled her back against him. "It's cold out there."

Her only answer was the chattering of her teeth. 

"I think we should wait."

"W-wait for what?"

"For it to get warmer."

"I d-doubt it's going to get warmer."

"It could," he said, pulling her just a little closer.

She was suddenly a foot away, holding a corner of the blanket against her chest.

He sat up slightly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. We need to get dressed. I think you're on my shirt."

He moved backward without thinking an felt something pulled from under him.

"No. This is yours. Here." She tossed it on his head. "We should dress, then eat, then get moving."

"Chloe..." He pulled the shirt off his head, jumping slightly as she pulled something else from under him.

"Got my pants. I think yours are under me. Everything's kind of crusted with dirt, but I guess we can't be too picky."

"I thought..."

"I think we have a good shot at finding something else in the hills," she said, shifting under the blanket, he assumed, into her pants. 

"Last night..."

"I'm not a fan, but plenty of people like to vacation among the wildlife, so there has to be a cabin or a hunting lodge, maybe even real civilization..."

"Could you just..."

"As scary as that wolf was, that means there are other animals, maybe moose or deer or whatever antlered things people like to hang on their walls," she babbled on, groping under him. Something snapped back to his face. "Oh, sorry." She ducked under the blanket and he wondered if now was the time to get a word in.

"Are you mad at me?" he tried.

"No. I'm not mad," her muffled voice said. "I just really think we need to get going."

He glared at the moving lump that was her and snatched his pants from partway under. "Because, if you were, that wouldn't be fair. You started it and..."

"I said I'm not mad." She threw the cover off and stood, in her bra and pants. She glanced down, then quickly bent. "Stupid underwear," she muttered.

Clark saw his own boxers next to the scrap she picked up and started getting into them. "I don't get it. Why are you so..."

"I'm not mad," she cut in, picking up her top. "I just think we have ground to cover, so..."

"Yeah. So you said." He lifted his hips, pulling his jeans up before he stood, buttoning. The cold air hit his chest, but he hardly noticed. "Last night, you were... I... I thought you were... helped."

She pulled her top down, then bent to her jacket, tugging it on. "Yes. I was helped. Then we both were helped. I guess we're even now." She smiled, buttoning up. "And we stayed warm. We survived. That's all that matters."

"All that..."

"I think we should eat half the jerky now," she said, "then save the rest for whenever we stop. We have to find another food source by then. If we don't..." She shrugged. "I actually haven't got that far." She laughed, sitting down to tie her shoes. "I'm kind of hoping we come across that mythical cabin before we start hallucinating each other into giant turkey legs." She reached to her side, then held out a napkin. "Two pieces each. That's the plan."

He wanted to slap the jerky out of her hand, but he took his damned two pieces, shaving them into his mouth before pulling his T-shirt on. "Ffuhnn," he muttered, chewing as he bent to his jacket, hoping she knew, not just what he said, but what he meant. 

Two hours later, he was pissed. As pissed as he'd ever been without saying a word. There wasn't much breath to say a word, with an uphill climb. They'd been on a steep incline for an hour now and, even if he wanted to let loose, he couldn't. All his energy was focused n moving forward. Sometimes, he was in front. He kind of liked walking past her without a word. It made a silent point. Then he got tired and she moved past him. That was okay, too. He could glare at her back. There was a point to that, too. 

Not that she noticed either way. She just walked on, plodding through the snow without a care in the world. Well, she'd have a care soon enough. As soon as they stopped, he had about five speeches designed to reduce her to various states of distress. He just had to pick one. He wasn't sure if he wanted her guilty or sad or as angry as he was, but something. Not this sort of... nothing. Not when he knew, he was f*cking positive, she was mad.

She was slowing and he straightened, prepared to pass her again and this time he wouldn't look at her. Then she'd get it. What it was, he still didn't know. But he stopped short as she turned to him. 

"Think it's noon?"

He stiffened. "How should I know?"

She glanced upward, ignoring him. "Sun looks high enough. We should probably stop."

"So you decide when we stop?" He nodded. "Got it. Loud and clear. I don't get any say in... anything."

He lips tightened. It was something, at least. "I never said you didn't have a say. If you want to keep going..."

"No. It's fine." He dropped the wrapped blanket and untied it. "If you want to stop, we'll stop. Unless you suddenly decide you don't want to stop anymore. Then I'll just go along with that because that's what I do. I just hope you don't blame me later for stopping when you said you wanted to, in case you decide you don't want to stop anymore." He straightened. "Because I was just doing as I was told."

She was blinking so rapidly, he wondered it wasn't creating a breeze. "Okay. I'll go get some wood."

"No." He moved forward and grasped her arm. "If your thing is deciding everything, then my thing is getting wood." He winced slightly. "That came out wrong." He stalked off. "I'll get the stupid wood."


*******************


He waited. 

They'd finished the last of the jerky. They'd had enough to drink. There was nothing left to do but talk.

She was perched on a large rock, holding her hands to the fire. He perched on one across from hers. There were several similar rocks around and he would comment that more rocks meant that this was treacherous territory and how he wasn't sure if that made her surety of finding a cabin more or less likely. But he wasn't saying anything. He was going to wait for her to talk.

And wait.

And wait 

It might seem childish, but he was itching for a fight. He'd already made several leading comments and she just answered blandly. 

"Here's your stupid wood. If you still want it. I mean, you might suddenly decide you don't want it anymore even though you were the one that asked for it."

"Thanks. I'll start things up."

"You do that. That's what you're good at."

"Thanks again." She smiled. "I'm really getting the hang of roughing it."

She was crafty. He'd give her that.

She opened her mouth and he leaned forward, waiting to see what she had to say for herself.

But she just yawned, then closed it.

He huffed slightly and kicked at some snow.

"Clark, you're going to put the fire out."

He almost smiled. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Then you can blame me for it when it was all you."

She looked away. "If you start kicking snow all over, then you are to blame."

"No. You'd be to blame because... the... Oh, screw it." He was sick of talking in code. He stood. "We had sex, Chloe."

She stared harder into the fire. "I'm perfectly aware of that."

"And you want to act like it never happened."

"I never said it never happened. I acknowledged it happened. We stayed warm."

"We stayed warm by having sex," he corrected.

"Yes. We created friction and..."

"Could you stop acting like it was some tip out of a survival book? This is you and me." 

"I'm aware of that and that's why I..." She closed her mouth and stood, kicking snow on the fire herself. She picked up the lantern base and turned. "Let's just keep moving."

"That's why you what?"

"Clark, I don't want to talk about it. I think I explained myself yesterday. We need to keep the lines..."

"No." He rushed ahead and blocked her way. "You can't give me lines now. I might take that after a f*cking hand job. But this is different."

"I don't see how it's different. We evened things up and now we can just move past it and..."

"Last night, you... you came for me." It was still hard to wrap his mind around that New Chloe. But this one... This one he knew from way back. "And now you act like that was a bad thing. I don't understand why..."

"There's a tomorrow," she yelled, cutting him off. "There wasn't supposed to be," she said quietly, moving around him.

"No." He blocked her again. "That's the same thing you said yesterday. But it doesn't work twice. You can't act like last night was nothing. This was more..."

"I never said it was nothing. I just don't see the point in discussing it. We kept warm and that's all that..."

"Is that all it was to you? Just two warm bodies?"

"You can't tell me it was more than that to you." She sighed. "Clark, I... I get it. I get that you want to talk about it. But I don't because... I don't want to over analyze some one time thing and ruin our friendship. I understand if you're feeling guilty, but you really don't need to. I..."

"No. I don't feel guilty. Not at all. I might feel guilty if I regretted it, which you obviously do." He turned. "So you just remember that later. It wasn't me doing this. It was all you. So don't go blaming me later... again." He moved back to the remains of their fire and picked up the blanket. 

"Again?" he heard behind him. "What do you mean by that?"

He straightened and turned to her. "I mean that you can't go getting mad at me for taking you at your word when you say to drop it and stay friends. You can't scream in my face this time because I want you to remember this. You're brushing me off. Not the other way around. Maybe this time, you might keep that straight." He started past her.

"I've never brushed..."

"Yes, you have." He kept walking. "After the spring formal, you told me you wanted to stay friends. Then a few months later, you're yelling in my face because Lana and I started dating."

She drew up next to him. "I was fifteen, Clark." 

He walked faster. "So was I. And I wasn't a mind reader, so I kind of thought when you said you wanted to be friends, that you actually meant..."

"I did want to be friends. And I... I wasn't mad you two were dating. I was mad you didn't tell me yourself. That was all." She was suddenly in front of him. "If anyone brushes anyone off, it's you to me. I made an idiot out of myself last September and then was stupid enough to tell you how I felt and you told me you didn't feel the same way."

"You asked and I answered. I was only being hon..."

"At least not right now," she sneered. "God, I hated those words. I wish you'd never said them. Because, even later, every time I thought there was nothing between us, I heard those words. And I thought maybe... There's no point in even bringing it up. You're a damned tease, Clark Kent, and you always were." She whirled around and moved forward.

"Oh, I'm the tease." He followed her.

"Yes, you are," she said over her shoulder. "You only show interest in me when it looks like I'm getting out of your clutches. If I fall for this again, you'd be right back to..."

He gripped her arm and turned her around. The lantern base dropped to the snow s did his satchel. "I don't know what's going to happen. And neither do you. So stop acting like you do. But I know what happened last night. And you're the one brushing it off like it meant nothing. Not me."

"I told you. I never said it meant..."

"Just warm bodies," he cut in, gripping her shoulders. "That's all we were and that's as good as nothing. Chloe..." He loosened his hold on her, but pulled her closer. "Last night, I was inside you. Do you think that doesn't change things?" He squeezed his eyes shut. "Jesus, Chloe, I can't just... I can't just see that as something we did to stay warm. I know there are guys that can, but I'm..." He opened his eyes and shook his head. "I'm not one of those guys."

Her eyes softened. "No. I guess you aren't."

"I knew before I touched you that everything might change. And it did. Everything else just... went away. And I know that there being a tomorrow changes everything. I mean..." His eyes widened. "Chloe, you could be pregnant right now."

Her brows drew together. "Clark..."

"It's okay. I mean, you're my best friend and last night was so..." He pulled her even closer. "Between those two things, I know we could be happy if..."

"Clark, please stop."

"No. You need to know that I don't regret it, even if..."

"Before you start offering to do right by me or something equally antiquated," she cut in, rather shrilly, "you need to know that I'm on the shot."

"The what?"

"Birth control. And I'm only on the first month. There's pretty much no way I'm pregnant, so..."

He let her go. "I forgot," he said quietly. "This wasn't your first time."

"It's not like I have lots of sex," she said, drawing back. "It was just the one time. I just... I got on it after because... I don't know. It seemed safer and easier than taking some pill every day. But, Clark..." She placed her hand on his cheek. "No. This wasn't my first time. But it was yours. And maybe... I think I get it now."

"You do?"

"I know why you won't let this go. I wasn't just a warm body for you. I guess I just... I never thought boys did this, too."

He leaned into her palm. "Did what?"

She smiled. "Clark, this was your first time. And you're just... romanticizing it. That's all."

He suddenly grasped her wrist and handed it back to her. "Well... I guess someone has to. You're not." He picked up his satchel.

"Clark..."

He brushed past her. "You know what, Chloe? If you really just want to be friends, then say so. But don't tell me what I think."

"Clark, wait!"

He stopped, then turned back to her.

She picked up the lantern base, then straightened, meeting his eyes. "Can you honestly tell me that, just because we had sex, you're suddenly crazy in love with me and only me?"

He stared back. "I don't know what I am," he said truthfully. "But neither do you."

"No. I do know what you are. You're my best friend, Clark."
.
"Is that what you want? For real?"

She took a deep breath, then moved to him. "Yes. I think it's for the best. I won't resent you later, Clark. I know I've done that in the past and its led me to bad places, as you know. But our friendship... It works. I know that for a fact. I don't want to lose you. I can't."

"Chloe..." He stared into the snow. "I don't want to lose you, either. But when you take what happened and act like it..."

"It happened, Clark. I know it happened. And it was... It was more than even I thought... It was..." He glanced up and she looked away. "It was beautiful. But it happened. As in past tense. As in can't happen again. As in it was... once. Once, I can get over when we get home and everything goes back."

He shook his head. "Goes back?"

"The minute you see her, everything will change." She shrugged. "Like always."

"Like I said," he began slowly, "I don't know what's going to happen. And neither do you. But... friends." He nodded. "Is that what you want?"

"It's for the be..."

"Is that what you want?" he repeated loudly, wondering if she'd just answer it this time.

She stared hard at him, then nodded. "Yes. That's what I want."

He nodded back. "Then that's what we'll be."


PREVIOUS PART
PART TEN