Restless Nights (Chapter Twelve)

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Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

Chapter 12

It seemed like only seconds had passed before she opened her eyes. She started to tell Clark she was fine, but she choked on the words, knowing they’d be a lie. Also, he wasn’t there. The only thing above her now was the light grey ceiling in her room. 

“You’re awake.” It was a woman’s voice, not Dinah’s, too soft and slightly perky. 

“I guess so,” she croaked, turning her head. “Didn’t realize you moonlighted as a nurse, along with everything else.”

Sarah Simms smiled and pulled her chair closer. “So you’ve been looking into me?”

“Are you offended?”

“Not at all. From all I know of you, you’re very protective of who comes near your friends. I can understand that. I know they feel the same way, which is why they’re all still obviously waiting in the hall,” she added loudly over her shoulder, “even though I told them I’d get them when you were ready.”

Chloe heard a muffled thump on the other side of the door.

“I just wanted to talk a little first,” Sarah went on, “about what happened.” 

“What did happen?” Chloe looked around, noticing there weren’t any wires on her. Her hands moved to her stomach. “Is anything wrong with…”

“No, don’t worry.” Sarah stood and moved closer. “Emil looked you over. Everything’s okay.”

“Even with… the…” 

Sarah peered closely at her. “The what?”

“You know, the…” Chloe gestured down to her stomach. 

“Everything is okay,” Sarah repeated softly. “Two strong heartbeats.”

Chloe let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “Okay, then.”

“Though it’s interesting how hard you find it to refer to your condition. I might want to talk about that later.”

“Later?”

Sarah just smiled. “Anyway, you are fine. All that happened, physically, was a little fainting spell, according to Emil, brought on by… Well, Clark didn’t tell everyone this. But he was the one who had Victor call me. He told me he seemed to think you were seeing things, hallucinating.” 

Chloe laid her head back and squeezed her eyes shut. The blood, the beast, poor Jimmy… She even imagined she’d shoved Clark into a wall. “So I’m fine… except for how I’ve gone insane.”

“Believe me, you’re not insane. I may still be in school, but I’ve dealt with hallucinations, auditory and visual, phantom limbs,” Sarah said quickly. “You see, not all of the children I work with were born with their disabilities. Some of them went through traumatic experiences, things they need to deal with because, if they keep repressing…”

“I’m not repressing anything,” Chloe cut in, sitting up. “I mean, I know what happened and… Well, I’m dealing with it every day.”

“You’re dealing with physical repercussions, day to day living,” Sarah said gently, “and you seem to be doing great, but…”

“I have. I’ve been fine.”

“You’ve been going on adrenaline for years, earth-shattering thing to thing, not dealing with how you feel about any of it. Chloe, maybe I don’t know you well, but I know of you. I know some of the things you’ve been through even before this. At some point, you’re going to have to stop and deal with it or your mind and body will force the issue like today.” Sarah backed away slightly. “That’s all I really wanted to say. That and… Well, I do have some time if you want to discuss it once a week, maybe even more if…”

“I don’t think…”

Sarah put up a hand. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do. I’m just putting it out there in case you…” Sarah shrugged and smiled as she sat down again. “Well, I’m just saying I’m here. That’s all.”

“Well…”

“All I want you do is think about it,” Sarah said lightly. “But I will say that Tuesdays and Thursdays work best for me, earlier in the morning the better. It’s just late morning, I’m in class, and afternoons with the kids, then I do three nights a week with veteran center. So, if you were to think about, think about it as an early morning kind of thing. That’s all.”

Chloe waited. “Is that really all?”

Sarah laughed and folded her hands in her lap. “For real this time.” She nodded back to the door. “Are you ready to…”

“Yes,” Chloe breathed, sitting up straighter. “I probably gave Clark a little scare, talking nonsense and fainting all over him.”

“Maybe just a little,” Sarah said with a chuckle before turning to the door. “You can come…”

The door flew open before she finished.

Bart and Clark were the first through the door. 

Bart was, of course, the first to speak. “You’re good? No aches and pains?”

“I’m okay,” Chloe sighed, her eyes sliding to Clark. “Just a little tired, maybe.”

“You hungry? Emil’s thinking a little more iron, so I’m thinking steak and spinach for dinner. I’ll make it in a bit, but… You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m okay,” she repeated, dazed, as Clark took her hand.

“Great!” Bart perched on the side of the bed. “So Clark told me you were thinking of an apartment across the alley and you need to know that…”

“Bart, not now,” Clark cut in.

“What? Emil said she’s fine. She says she’s fine.” Bart leaned in. “Not to color your decision or anything, but you know those fake staircase bits? I do probably the best…”

“Get out of here,” Oliver groaned, pulling at Bart. “Timing. Learn it.”

“Fine,” Bart sighed. “We’ll talk over dinner,” he whispered before leaving.

Oliver patted her shoulder. “Glad you’re up.”

“How long was I out?”

“Maybe an hour. Emil checked everything out and… I should go get him, actually.”

“No need,” Doctor Hamilton said from the door, moving in as Dinah and Victor made way. “How are you feeling?”

“Just tired.”

“I understand that. But I’d like you to eat something before you go to sleep. Also, I’ve been talking to Dinah about some light exercise, maybe swimming. I think it might help with your energy levels.”

Dinah nudged Oliver. “Ollie here can get us into that fancy, indoor pool at The Grand. Well, not this second…”

“Guys, give her a minute,” Victor put in, moving closer, bumping into Sarah’s chair. “Oh, sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Sarah stood. “You know, I was just… sitting around like...”

“Well, I bumped into you.”

“Still, I…”

“So the Doc says you’re okay,” Oliver said loudly. “Can’t say the same for the wall out there. Thanks, Clark.”

Chloe’s eyes shot to Clark. “The wall? So I didn’t imagine…”

“Yeah. Stupid me,” Clark cut in. “I just… over-corrected and fell right into it.”

“No, Clark. I remember. I pushed you and…”

“Yeah. You did a little and I stepped back too much and…” He smiled slightly. “I mean, like I said, I over-corrected and… you know, the…” He turned to Oliver. “I’m sorry about the wall. I can fix it myself if…”

“No offense, Clark,” Oliver said tiredly, “but I’ve seen that tractor you’ve been working on for the last two years and it doesn't seem to work, so I’m thinking I’ll hire a pro. It’s no big deal. I’ve insured the building for,” he shrugged, “whatever I’ll explain this as, I’m sure.”

Chloe glanced at Clark again, frowning. But he was smiling, also rubbing his thumb lightly across her palm. It felt nice. “I guess I… thought something different happened,” she finally said, trying for a smile. “It was strange, being in that alleyway again. Little overwhelming, I guess.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay and the...” Clark glanced down at her stomach. “I’m glad that everything’s okay.”

“Okay!” Sarah clapped her hands. “I gotta get to the veteran’s center in about five seconds, but it was nice talking, Chloe.” She placed a card on the night stand and stared hard at Chloe. “I’m kind of hoping you’ll think about doing it again sometime.”

Chloe nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

**********

“I’m just thinking about whether I should call now or wait till I get in and tell her.”

“Tell who what?” Chloe asked, blearily. Clark had pretty much burst into her room with a bag and a carrier and now he was talking? It was too early for this.

“Tess. If I call you out, then you also have the weekend to recuperate and maybe on Monday… Aren’t you gonna eat your sandwich?”

Chloe stared at the bag Clark had tossed in her lap. “I’m waiting to see if I’m actually awake.” She didn’t even want to imagine what her hair looked like. It tended to be everywhere in the mornings. She checked the silly urge to smooth it as Clark paced the room. “What are you going on about?”

Clark pulled out his phone. “You know what? We’ll just call you out sick for Monday, too. Better safe than…”

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” she breathed, sitting up and taking a sip of her precious half cup of coffee, closing her eyes as it slid down her throat. She opened them, focusing on Clark. “Okay. Why are you trying to call me out sick?”

“Well, you need more rest.”

“No. I need more iron and some exercise. That’s what Emil said. Besides, I just slept for God-knows-how-many hours straight… I think. I know I nodded off with Jeopardy.” She glanced at the window. “But it’s dark out. What time is it, anyway?”

“Six,” Clark said sheepishly. “I was feeding the animals and… Well, I thought you might be hungry, too.”

“It’s a nice thought,” she yawned. “Ungodly hour for it, though. But I guess I slept enough.”

“Sorry. I was just worried after yesterday. I still am.”

“So am I,” she said softly. “We didn’t get to talk much last night. With everyone around…”

“Nobody gets to talk much around here,” he said with a slight chuckle. “Not when Bart’s around.”

She pulled her sandwich out and toyed with the wrapper. “Thanks for not telling everyone about the… Well, me seeing things.”

“I only told Emil and Sarah. I just didn’t think everyone else needed to know.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about Sarah knowing.”

“She’s a very nice…”

“Clark, I’m not the biggest on talking about feelings in the first place. It's not my way. But to a stranger…”

“I know she’s new to you. But we’ve known her around here for a while now. She’s really helped with… I mean, she’s helpful to have around.” He moved closer to the bed. “I heard you tell her you’d think about it.”

“And I will. That doesn’t mean I’m going to go unload everything in my head on her.” She sat up. “Anyway, it’s Friday. We’ve got a lot to do for the weekend edition, not to mention our little side project…”

“No. Chloe…” Clark perched on the edge of the bed. “I just told you. You don’t have to work today. I can handle querying the orphanages and…”

“Clark, I want to work. And yesterday… It was just an episode, a little flashback. Maybe it was marginally horrifying, but I was standing in the place where it all went down for the first time since that night. I was probably due for a little PTSD moment.”

He frowned. “Maybe if you can just take a half-day off…”

She put up a hand. “I told you about the mother-hen thing.”

“I’m not…”

“I’m going to work. In fact, I’m going to work early… I guess. Now are you gonna go?”

“Well, obviously, I…”

“No. From the room, Clark.” She laughed. “Unless you’re looking for a peep show”

“Huh?”

“I’d kind of like to get dressed without an audience,” she clarified.

He just stared at her. “Yeah. I get that,” he said, though he still hadn’t moved.

“Clark?”

He stood, shaking his head. “Yeah. I’m going out there. You know, to wait. I’ll just… uh…” He gestured vaguely to the door before speedily putting himself on the other side of it.

**************

“I want it down the right side,” Tess said impatiently to her advertising editor. “That way people will have to look at it, even if only briefly, when they turn the page.”

“But I promised banner space to Lacy’s Black Fri…”

“And they’ll get it on the left,” Tess pointed out. “We’re not going to have many advertisers at all if we don’t keep circulation up. I want the new subscription rates front and center.”

He smirked. “I thought you said down the right side.”

She crossed her arms and stood back. “Do you like your job, Wallace?”

He swallowed and tossed her a nervous laugh as he gathered the mock-up. “So I’ll just get this laid out and back to you before five.”

She smiled. “You do that,” she said as he left. She didn’t drop it when he closed the door. It would be busy here all month. She was almost looking forward to it. As much as she’d been tossed into this situation, running The Daily Planet was the one aspect she almost enjoyed. It was, at least, more exciting than studying bacteria. Sometimes she wondered what life would be like if this was all she did, never having to think about Luthorcorp or the supernatural paranoia Lex seemed to be in the grip of. Just clear-cut work. No guards, no monitoring, no secrets, no Lex…

As if on cue, her phone vibrated on her desk. Her smile dropped immediately. She wasn’t going to answer. After he spent all of yesterday avoiding her calls, she found herself less eager to take his. She picked it up and moved outside, toward the elevator. 

“I’m going down to graphics, Karen,” she called out as she pushed the down button. “I’m not sure I trust them on their own.”

“Well. It’s nearly lunch. Did you want me to call out?”

She wasn’t hungry, but she supposed she should. She turned to her before the doors closed. “You know, maybe just soup and salad. You decide what.” She glanced at the delivery man standing in front of the panel. “Could you press B, please?”

“Could you do it yourself?” he sneered.

“Excuse me?”

He turned and pushed his sunglasses down. “So you do have your phone,” he drawled.

“Lex.” She chuckled. “Of course. You don’t take my calls and I’m supposed to wait patiently. But God forbid I don’t take yours or I’m hunted down like...”

“Yes. You’re very dramatic,” he said dismissively over her. “I wouldn’t have to come down here if you’d just pick up and answer a simple question. Now…”

“I will if you will,” she muttered. “Of course, mine aren’t simple. In fact, I guess they’re hopelessly complicated and my poor, female brain isn’t ready to…”

“Will you stop? Why isn’t she here?”

She was tempted to ask who, but afraid he’d stop the elevator. She really did have a damned lot to do today. “She’s off with her boyfriend.” She narrowed her eyes. “And how do you know she isn’t here? Are you tapping into my security feed?”

“No. I trust you completely,” he said with a smirk. “Of course I am. Where are they?”

“They’re on a story. They were querying some organizations. Something about orphans and disabled children and the holidays,” she said quickly, “and why are you so curious about it now? The other day, you were acting like it didn’t even matter if I listened in and…”

“Never mind that. How did she seem?”

“Fine.” Tess shrugged. “Normal. We didn’t talk much. She hasn’t admitted her condition, if that’s what you want to know. I’m not sure what it’s going to take. Maybe she’ll admit it when she starts showing in earnest. It’s not as if I can ask her to pee on a stick. Hmm. Now that I think about it, a mandatory drug test is allowed under…”

“Don’t bother,” Lex cut in. “We know and that’s all that matters. Lex frowned. “I guess I thought she might call out after... I just don’t like not knowing what she’s doing. Maybe it might have to go down sooner,” he said, almost under his breath. “Maybe not. Maybe after the new year. I’ll reassess according to…”

“Lex?”

He glanced up, as if he’d forgotten she was there. 

“What’s going down? What are you planning on doing?” she whispered as the doors opened on the basement.

“Nothing right now. That’s all you need to know,” he said as got off.

She followed, then stopped, staring after him. At the moment, she didn’t even want to know. The idea made her feel queasy.

“Ms. Mercer?” She turned to find Frank, standing with a donut. 

She gave him a tight smile. “I see you’re working frantically.”

“I was just taking a sec to…”

“I really don’t care as long as you don’t drip jelly all over the copy. Now will you get in there? I’d like to put this paper to bed on time for a change.” She pushed Lex from her mind as she followed Frank into his office. She had a paper to run, employees to berate, and maybe a jelly donut if there were any left. She had to have some enjoyment in life.

***************

“Just have some,” Clark tried. 

“Are you punishing me? What did I do to deserve this?”

“What? They’re really good for you.”

“They’re beets, Clark. There is only one reason to eat beets and that’s punishment.” She shuddered. “My dad used to threaten me with them. That and liver and onions.”

“Liver. Ugh. Beets aren’t as bad as that. I didn’t like them when I was a kid, either, but they grow on you. I mean, in a salad, you can hardly taste them.”

“I don’t know how much of that salad you can taste, anyway,” she said around a mouthful of her pasta. “with all that ranch dressing.”

Clark shrugged. “At least it’s healthy.”

She scoffed loudly. “I will bet you anything my pasta has less calories than your… dressing soup.”

“I don’t want to take any more of your money,” he mumbled, “after you just had to buy lunch.”

“Well, you brought me breakfast. It’s only fair.”

“Yeah, but that was a two-dollar sandwich. This place is kind of nice.”

“Clark, the menu has pictures. It’s not that nice. Besides, you’re always bringing me coffee and tea. I don’t like feeling like I owe you.”

“Then don’t. I don’t feel like you owe me.” He smiled. “Besides, I kind of like doing little things”

She fought a smile and lost. “You mean fussing over me. Like a mother…”

“Stop calling it that. It’s… the manly version of that.”

She laughed. “Well, there aren’t any father hens. And it’s not very rooster-like.”

“You don’t know that for sure. I’m the one with the farm.”

“Then again, you did wake me at the crack of dawn today, so maybe…”

“Why don’t we call it taking care of you?” he cut in. “And I like it, so let me.”

She dropped her smile just a little. He sounded so damned earnest. It made it hard to even tease him. “I guess you told me.”

“Don’t you forget it.”

She laughed and shook her head. “So what are we going to do about St. Louise?” They’d been to The West Side Center RTC, Hillsides Group Home, and Olive Crest Manor, all of which called themselves anything but an orphanage. She supposed the term was a bit old school and the process a bit different these days. The West Side Center was closer to a hospital whereas Hillsides and Olive Crest seemed like boarding schools. 

They’d even had a guided tour of those last two. There were moments that were hard for Chloe, looking at those kids, the teens in particular, wondering whether they’d be staying there until they reached eighteen or in the foster care system like Davis had been. Then she wondered where they’d do after, with no loving parents sending them off to college. Then she wondered where Davis was now. Then she wondered if she should try to find him, so he’d know. Then she wished to do anything but that. 

She pushed the thought away as Clark spoke.

“They opted out of an interview.” Clark toyed with his salad. “Not much we can do. Besides, we have enough for the story with the others. Maybe more than enough.”

“Well, it’s not like we were there for the story,” she said, forcing herself to focus on the matter at hand. “The story was just a way to get there.”

“Maybe we don’t need to get there at all.”

She dropped her fork. “Yesterday, you wanted to rush right there, today you’re happy they said no?”

“Well, yesterday was different. I guess I thought, if we could get this done and satisfy your curiosity, then things could go back to normal.”

“When have we ever had normal?”

“Never. Sometimes I wish we could see what it’s like. But today…” He sighed. “Chloe, seeing those kids. Even in the richer places like Olive Crest, it was tough, looking at them and the idea that they were there in the first place, that they weren’t adopted right out because they were older. And I know it was tough on you, too. I saw you wipe your eyes a few times.”

“Maybe I was just hormonal,” she mumbled.

“Tess told me a few things about life after and that was even worse for her and… I don’t know. Sometimes I think she’s been through enough.”

“So you want to drop it?”

“No. I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel.” He sat back. “Maybe if we just postponed it a little.”

“You want to mothball this now? Clark, we’re so close.”

“I’ve been thinking about it all morning. It feels so intrusive. I mean, we’ve been dealing fine with Tess. Apart from the monitoring, she’s not bothering us.”

“Talk about intrusive. She’s monitoring us! You say that like it’s normal!”

“Maybe it is for Tess! I mean, she didn’t have a normal life and the normal didn’t exactly set in when she got here, either. The fact is, we’re doing okay with her and I don’t want to rock the boat. Besides, even the story will have more impact closer to Christmas and Thanksgiving’s coming next week. There’ll be enough news to deal with on Black Friday alone, not to mention how busy I might have to be with… you know. Oliver wants every hand on theft prevention patrol in as many cities as we can hit. You know how people pull crazy stunts to get the latest big thing around Black Friday, like when that truck rammed into the Apple store and…”

“I get it, I get it,” Chloe cut in. She took a deep breath. “I’m not saying you don’t have a point. But, Clark, I don’t want to give up on this.”

“I’m not saying to. I’m just saying we can let it lie for a few weeks.”

She stared at him. He hadn’t been on board from the first. She started to wonder if she could tell him she was willing to let it lie, but still investigate on her own. Then again, she wasn’t sure how successful she’d be without him and his powers on board. He was probably thinking he could convince her to drop it entirely in a few weeks. But she could just as easily get him to see things her way in that time. “Okay.”

He sat up straighter. “Just like that?”

“Well, we will be pretty busy. And I need time to figure out what to do about St. Louise. Their records aren’t digital and it’s not like I’m going to sneak in late at night with a pen light like I’m a teenager again.” She glanced down. “It’s not like it’s easy for me to hide these days.”

“You know, you’re not big. Even Dinah said… that thing she said,” he finished on a mumble, suddenly reaching for his iced tea. He cleared his throat and nodded. “Good. This is better. You know, we’ll talk to Tess about waiting till the week before Christmas and… You know, this’ll free up some time. You’ll probably want to go looking at more apartments or something today.”

“Why would I bother doing that?” She picked up her fork. 

He let out a long breath. “Oh, good. You’re finally dropping that? I mean, I know you want more space, but..”

“I still do. And I’m pretty sure I already found it.”

He looked up, scowling. “Chloe… no.”

***********

“Definite yes,” she said when the building manager stepped out. “I mean, it needs a paint job, but the floors are in good condition.”

“It’s too small,” Clark grunted from the corner. 

“It’s bigger than where I am now. It’s as big as the place at The Talon, at least. I can finally get my stuff out of storage.” She moved to the middle of the room. “My throw rug could go right here.” She took a few steps. “And my couch here.” She moved to the bedroom doorway. “It’s a tiny bedroom, but at least it’s a separate room.” She moved to the street side. “Look, it’s even got a little nook.”

Clark followed her. “Very little nook.”

“It’s not that little. It’s almost like having another room.”

He was still frowning, but he moved into it, ducking his head at the slanted ceiling. “I guess you could get a desk in here --- like a little office or something.”

“Or something,” she said softly, staring at the space, thinking if it could be for something else entirely. And she couldn’t believe she was thinking it. But she could almost see a mobile with tiny ducks or bears hanging from the slanted ceiling. But she kept that to herself. She had such a hard time knowing how she felt about the future that she didn’t dare discuss it, not even with Clark.

She took a deep breath moved to the alley-side window and stared across. She didn’t dare look down. She was too afraid of all the things she might see. “I’m going to have to take it. You heard Bart. He does a killer fake stairs. It’s like I have no choice,” she said, forcing a laugh.

She felt Clark behind her. “Chloe, what about yesterday?”

“Yesterday, I was in in a place with horrible memories. This is a place that… Well, I have no idea what the memories will be. That could be a good thing.” She nodded and turned to him. “The only question is…” She stared around, then landed on him. “Are you handy with a paint brush and willing to be paid in pizza?”

He chuckled and pulled her in. She hugged him back hard, thinking of how safe it always made her feel. Maybe it would all be okay as long as he came around. She almost wanted to make him promise he would, every day, almost wanted to tell him to never, ever stop fussing over her, wanted to tell him about that nook and what she’d have to make it into in the next five months. But she didn’t. She just held on tight, trying to feel safe.

But, later that night, Chloe had a staring contest with her phone… and lost.

“Hi. I hope you don’t mind me just calling like this. But… I think I really do need to talk to someone.”

“Who is this?”

“It’s Chl…”

“No. I know. I was kidding.” Sarah laughed. “I was hoping you’d call.”

“I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t. I’ve never done anything like this before. I mean, I spend so much time keeping secrets that talking openly seems too weird for words.”

“I can understand that. Would it help if I made muffins?” 

“You bake, too?” God, the woman really was a saint!

“Just for the kids. But they never touch my cranberry orange muffins and, little secret of my own,” she said on an exaggerated whisper, “those are my best ones.”

“I guess muffins always help.” Chloe found herself smiling.

CHAPTER THIRTEEEN