Questions I imagine you may have...

In which you are a strawman and I attempt to answer you...

What the hell have you been doing for the last year and a half?

Working, writing things that aren't fic (well, except this one thing which is kind of fic, but not. I'll explain below). I've been writing light entertainment journalism for a magazine and, when I can, I write recaps, reviews or rants over at Legendary Women's medium collection. I also published a novel under my new pen name which you can find here:

https://www.amazon.com/Maybe-Its-Magic-Friends--Lovers-ebook/dp/B076KQY399

Wait a sec... Magic crystals, best friends to lovers... That sounds an awful lot like Under The Influence.

That's because it is. I took that fic because it wasn't my most popular and was so short and simple and easy to take out of Smallville and thought I would finally try self-publishing but with something short and not too complicated just to get an idea of the process. Of course, it was way more work than I imagined. I basically took a 15K and -- between adding more plot, more characters and changing the main characters' personality and dynamic -- turned it into a 50K novella. I'm fairly proud of it, but I do want to get into some more ambitious works.

So is Under The Influence gone forever?

Well, from this blog and anywhere else it was posted, yes. But if you enjoyed it before and want a copy of that messy old thing, feel free to message or email me and I can sort you out. But I would rather you read the new version. It's much better. If you'd like a free copy of that, I can send you an ARC in exchange for an honest review on Goodreads or Amazon.

Okay, fine. I guess I get it. You were always whining about how you want to write for real. But what about the fic?

It just became a chore and one I had to bribe myself into. I did start posting my old stuff on Ao3, hoping the engagement and the reminder that I could be a finisher might motivate me, but all I felt was tired of Smallville. For some time now, between family illnesses, drama, and even death, it's gotten harder and harder to feel good about writing fix-it fic for a show that, by the end, I didn't even enjoy.

Besides that, the fandom has been dead for some time. Most people have moved on to other shows and fandoms. No one seemed to be on tenterhooks for my fic and that's okay. But it's also not much of a motivator for me to write it.

Is that all? You don't want to?

That's only part of it and it's actually a small part. I had started writing on it again late last summer after things calmed down in my family and the grief didn't feel so fresh. I thought I'd allow myself X amount of work on my own stuff in exchange for writing chapters, finishing each fic slowly with a very complicated chore writing/fun writing system. I made a chart and started doing write-ins with old SV pals and everything.

Then the news cam about about Allison Mack.

Oh, yeah. The cult thing. But wasn't that always something most of us knew, but didn't want to think about with her and Kristin Kreuk?

I knew years ago they were in this shady pyramid scheme under this BS guru, but I thought of her kind of the same way I thought about Elizabeth Moss, who's in Scientology. I felt bad for where she was and how little awareness she had, but I didn't think she was a bad person. I just hoped that one day that douchebag would get arrested for something and both she and Kristin would wise up and leave.

Then I heard the more licentious rumors some time in 2016 (that she was romantically involved with the leader and part of his harem) and was really grossed out. But the only person saying it was this one guy with a blog. He was kind of an alt-right jerk and I figured he was some guy who had an axe to grind. How could he know all the stuff he was saying anyway? It felt easy to dismiss at the time.

Then the Daily Mail stuff hit and it was much worse than what I'd heard before and much harder to ignore when it was everywhere. But this was The Daily Mail and their only source was that one guy, still, so I thought AM or KK might speak out and separate the fact from the fiction (the fact that neither of them have to this day pisses me off).

But now that victims are speaking out to legitimate news outlets, it's hard to call these rumors or alleged. The fact that she continues to tweet and post supposedly inspirational quotes with no statement, ignoring her fans'pleas for answers, makes me so angry. I never hit an unfollow button so hard.

Do you hate her?

Kind of. I feel like being a fan of her and Chloe and continuing to watch Smallville when it stopped being fun was a huge waste of my time, but that last was my fault.

I do feel sorry for whatever is broken in her that makes her both a victim and an abuser, but it doesn't excuse her.

So that's it? You're never going to finish your fic?

I can't say that for sure. Right now it's too hard for me to separate the actress from the character. Unless Mack leaves this organization and makes amends for her part in victimizing other women, I will continue to have negative feelings about her and Chloe. I just plain don't want to write fic under that kind of cloud. It wouldn't be any good, anyway.

Will this bitterness cause you to remove all your old fics?

No. They'll stand as they are, WIPs included. I do have one or two old fics where the plot is removed far enough from SV that, in the far flung future, I might take it down in order to use the premise, some scenes, and some elements. But I will give fair warning if that were to happen.

What are you doing now?

I have moved on to writing original works and have started drafting one on Wattpad. Also trying it out on Ao3, but not sure how well it will do there, but here are links if you're interested.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/135523324-the-lady-pursues

I might share chapter links as I go. I don't know. I'm not sure anyone even visits this blog. I don't know if anyone's even reading this now!

Anyway, yeah. My imaginary Q&A with you has ended. Carry on.








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7 comments:

Kristin said...

I read it! And one person may not feel like much, but for my part, I appreciated the update. I don't think you need me to ramble on about how I understand, sympathize, etc., but I do. I've done a wee bit of my own writing and I've been in and out of fandoms for years. I hadn't heard about Alison Mack, but that's really terrible and sad, and certainly would cast a dark cloud over things as well.

I'm sorry about the pain and loss in your personal life. I hope things continue in the calm realm!

In this case, though, I'm a weirdo who didn't watch Smallville but briefly enjoyed Chloe fic, and long-termed enjoyed YOUR Chloe fic. I'm bummed to see some of the WIP not get finished (especially the Lex series that first introduced me to your work), but that's life. If you ever are inspired to go back and finish it or the others, it's a decent bet that I'll still be lurking about, as I re-read that one about once a year, and some of the others on occasion. And I've still never made it past Almost Clark in the Almost series, which is sort of crazy, so that's still something I'll come back to read one day! But even if you never feel like coming back to it, that's ok. Not that you need my permission. I appreciate that you're not taking it all down. I can only imagine what it's like for readers who were true Smallville fans, as I have wished on occasion for fix-it fic for frustrating favorite shows of my own, but with your quality of writing (and the same shipping preferences as my own, because I can be honest and admit that's the main reason I read fic, but I digress). For example, literally: "I really wish Apeygirl liked Merlin so she could fix the mess that show dissolved into. And it'd be a super bonus if she shipped Gwen/Arthur. But I could possibly live with Arthur/___ as long as the story itself was Gwen-centric and she got a good romance."

Ahem. Point is, I think you're great.

I've just picked up your book on Amazon, and I look forward to reading it. I'm crap at writing comments on, oh, anything, but I'll make a particular effort to leave a review!

Well, my "short" comment is shorter than it could've been but still.... Thanks so very much for sharing your lovely writing.

Unknown said...

I truly am very sorry that your muse has left and you feel that you are unable to reconnect with the character of Chloe. I was also a huge Chloe fan when I watched the show, and most of the fic that I read for the show is Chloe-centric. To be honest, I don't care much about who she's paired with romantically, if at all. Yours have always been some of my favorites, particularly your "Almost" series.

While most other Smallville fanfic authors seemed to have gone on to other fandoms or have had trouble writing in between life, I do check back to this blog every so often to see if you've updated. I hope that the Mack situation will either come to some sort of better ending or that you will be able to come to write again for a fandom that you've loved for years.

I will make sure to check out your original work, and happy writing!

April said...

@kristin - I'm so glad you've enjoyed it. TBH, this small part of me hopes AM does something redemptive enough (though I highly doubt it as even more terrible things have come out) that I can finish my fic, especially the Chlex one. TBH, the more SV's later direction for Chloe dissatisfied me, the more I wanted her to ride off into the sunset with Lex (not the frankenstein clone, but the real one).

The Amost series was completed, but it's a monster so I don't blame anyone for not wanting to jump into it.

"I appreciate that you're not taking it all down. "

Not gonna lie. I've considered it, especially in the last week with more news coming out. But I'm not going to do anything rash.


""I really wish Apeygirl liked Merlin so she could fix the mess that show dissolved into. And it'd be a super bonus if she shipped Gwen/Arthur. But I could possibly live with Arthur/___ as long as the story itself was Gwen-centric and she got a good romance.""

LOL. I did like Merlin up to a point! I shipped Gwen/Arthur on the side, but I really wanted to fix the Merlin/Morgana relationship. I feel like her character could have been a complex/interesting villain, but they very cheaply made her insta!evil and I really wanted her and Merlin to have a complicated villain/potentialsaviorbutitdidn'tworkout kind of thing with a mild tragic romance element. TBH, the final 2 seasons were crap to me. I feel like they set up interesting conflicts only to take the most half-assed resolutions. Even the Merlin/Arthur friendship was never paid off in a way that was satisfying.

LOL. Don't get me started on shows with bad ending. Smallville, Merlin, HIMYM (WORST OF ALL!) I will ramble all day and night.

I hope you enjoy the novella. It's just a silly romcom, but I think it's enjoyable. And I'll be sure to update here if the world ever turns upside down and I decide to finish my fic -- like if AM gets deprogrammed and becomes an anit-cult warrior a la Leah Remini - unlikely, but it's about the only outcome that would not have me cringing at the thought of her or Chloe. *big fat sigh* This is not a great year to have ever been a Chloe fan.

April said...

@meredith -

I'm so glad you enjoyed my stuff. I really did enjoy writing it until I first got wind of this stuff around - god, I think I first saw it on a gossip blog in 2013 or so. I didn't actually believe it at the time, but it was the start of me stepping back from fic and things got more sporadic for years.

"I hope that the Mack situation will either come to some sort of better ending or that you will be able to come to write again for a fandom that you've loved for years."

I really hope so, too. But the more that comes out, the worse it looks. I'm glad I at least finished the almost series as it was my first work in fandom. I just don't know if I have it in me to give SV or Chloe (and by extension, AM) any more of my time.

"I will make sure to check out your original work, and happy writing!"

Thanks so much. I am enjoying the original stuff. If nothing else, drowning myself in Regency England is a huge escape.

latetothparty said...

As the name says, I am pretty late to this discussion, but still wanted to thank you for your comments. AM is the only celebrity that I have ever followed at all, and that only in the sense that I looked her up a few times a year to see if she had any new projects, but the news about her was so over-the-top stranger-than-fiction that it took me awhile to process. Probably the only thing I could compare it to were the Cosby revelations (which I also didn't know about until very late in the game). I was literally nauseous any time I thought about either situation and so for a long time I chose not to.

Then my dad died. It took is months to get the house cleaned up and ready, as he lived in another state, and both he and my mother were collectors. They still had stacks and stacks of vinyl that they probably hadn't listened to in 35 years, including some of Cosby's stand-up routines from the 70s. My sister wanted to listen to them, so we did, and they were still very funny. I could still recite some of them word-for-word. When we were done listening I asked if she felt guilty about that at all and she said "No, this was part of our childhood and we have a right to those memories."

I thought about that in light of the horror of what AM has done and for me, at least, I think the same holds true. I am incredibly angry with her and yet I still loved Chloe, loved the Chloe fandom, and loved all the ficnit produced, even after the show had become a miserable caricature of itself. I really, really appreciate what you created - the enormous amount of thought and attention to detail, your ability to work through characters' motivations so that the show made sense - it brought me a lot of joy, and re-reading it has been very healing. I can still enjoy this part of Chloe.

I did buy Maybe It's Magic, and enjoyed it as much as the original. It was a little hilarious to see the SV show through now and again, but I also thought you did an excellent job, as always, of developing Molly and Jake. I've been trying to keep up with The Lady Pursues as well. Do you have a Patron? I don't see an Abby Wheeler on there but maybe you're using another name?

April said...

OMG, Latetothparty! It's so nice to see you!

TBH, ever since SV ended, SV fandom became a very inactive space with occasional happy reunions. You are one of the people I think of most fondly and wished to see more often.

I had a few people, you among them, hanging on and reading my fic, but it just felt so... who wants this? I did start posting to ao3 at one point, but once the AM news broke, it became a ghost town for all things Chloe.

I haven't given up on finishing my fic, but it's on a kind of hiatus. As much as I care for Chloe and all her ships, I find it hard to write her, especially once things heated up and seemed harder to deny with regards to AM. I love the character and I love all that we made of her in fic, but I don't know when I'll be able to write her again without feeling weird about it.

As for my pen name, I don't have a Patreon as of yet. I toy with the idea, but haven't done it. I'll be sure to make an announcement here if I do and also announce when The lady Pursues is finished (it's three chapters away, maybe four). Considering my WIP is free right now I just want to figure out how patrons would benefit apart from being supportive, so I'm hoping to figure that out when the first book is finished (so close!)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing Chlark, Apeygirl. Like you, for a long time I stopped writing and deleted more than a few of my stories. I just couldn’t hear/visualise Chloe, without also thinking about Allison. But I gave it time and now they can exist separately. I thought Restless Nights was an epic AU to what we got aired and much better IMO. Thank you for writing it. It resolved a lot of the disappointment I had over the canon writing of Clark and Chloe S9/10. The story stopped on a bit of a cliffhanger but in a way reminded me of what happened in The Boys. Becca left to protect her husband, but also to keep her son from turning out like his father. Although, with Chloe’s abilities, I’m hoping for a better outcome, in which Clark will find them. And even though baby might have beast traits, with them both in his corner and loving him, he’ll be able to choose to be like Clark. And not let his fear control him. And that thought actually made me think about Hulk/Bruce. Balance.