Almost Clark (Chapter Thirty-Six)

Chapter Thirty-Six

Blue eyes met green as she leaned down.

"There is no Kal," she whispered.

His mouth worked, but no sound came out. His eyes were wide and frightened.

She pushed his hands away from her breasts. "There never was a Kal."

He squeezed his eyes shut, but she knew he'd hear.

"You made him up, Clark. You don't want to accept that everything in Kal is a part of you."

"No," he breathed, but even so, his hips pushed upward.

She pulled herself up, then down, letting him slip out of her nearly all the way before slamming back down. "I'd told myself it was a mental block," she said on a moan, almost to herself. "As if that were an excuse. But a mental block is just that- mental."

He laid still beneath her, his eyes still shut, his dick still hard inside her. He gave no answer.

"You let yourself use me and made it okay by telling yourself it wasn't you. You treated me like your secretary and your whore. And I fell for it. It was nearly the oldest sexist trap in the book."

"No," he moaned.

"And you did it because I wasn't good enough."

"No."

"I wasn't your ideal. I wasn't what you wanted. But you still used me, knowing how I felt. You knew I wouldn't refuse you. You fucked me two ways."

"No. Chloe..."

"Well, that's over." She pulled up and let him slip out all the way. "You want your goodbye fuck?" She backed away from the bed. "You open your eyes and look at me." She leaned heavily against the wall and waited. He lay still and hard on the bed. "Thought so."

She bent for her clothes and suddenly found herself against the wall. He held her there and searched her eyes. "Chloe, I..."

"It's too late, Clark," she said dully.

He pressed harder against her. "I didn't go, Chloe. I couldn't..."

Was he even listening? Even without Lana, it was just... It was too late. "I can't do it anymore, Clark. I can't... separate myself. I'm not you..."

"Chloe, I have to..."

"Shhh..." She raised her hand to his face. His eyes were so clear now. So his, only his that... She leaned back and slid her leg up his thigh. She wouldn't deny herself this. Her first and thousandth and last time with Clark. "Goodbye, Clark."

He shook his head. "No."

"It has to be," she choked out. "Because I... I can't do it anymore, Clark. I can't pretend..."

"I don't want you to..."

"Christ, Clark..." Her breath hitched as she stared at him. "Can't you just give me this?"

"Chloe..." His eyes welled up as they held hers. "I'd give you anything."

"Then just..." She pushed her hips forward, brushing against him where he was hot and hard. "Say goodbye, Clark."

His eyes bore into hers as she stared back. Silent. Waiting... until he lifted her other leg sightlessly and probed her.

As he slipped inside, it truly felt like the first.

Their eyes locked as he moved, only holding her up with pressure and his thrusts. One hand moved behind her head, shielding it from the wall. The other landed on her cheek and wiped the tear she'd just realized was there. "You died for me," he said in wonder.

"Clark, don't..." She couldn't take it if he made this about more. It would only hurt more when he left. "Just fuck me," she breathed.

He stopped thrusting and stared at her, looking bewildered. "Is that all you want?"

No! Her heart screamed. "Yes," her mouth said coldly. "Turn me around."

He lifted her up and let himself slip out. His jaw was hard. She thought he'd stop then and there.

She was wrong. She found herself spun around, pressed against the poster of the bed. She'd loved this old bed when they'd come before. She had a feeling he remembered why. So many possibilities. He moved closer behind her, pulsing hot breaths against the back of her neck as he pulled her hair aside.

She shivered, gripping the grooves of the thick, intricately carved bedpost. "Yes. Here."

His fingers tightened on her waist as his mouth whispered over her shoulders, her neck. She felt his breath nearer to her cheek and guessed his aim.

"No." She turned her head, pressing her cheek against the bedpost. She didn't want kissing. It would make this harder. He was tense and silent behind her. "If you can't do this without..."

"I never said that," he whispered. One warm hand slid upward, cupping her breast. "Can I do this?"

"Yes," she gasped.

"Tell me what you want."

"You know," she said, reaching behind her to grasp his neck.

"I... don't know. Not the way I should. I... I need you to tell me," he breathed into her neck as he lifted her leg onto the bed. "I need to know what you want me to do."

As if they hadn’t done this enough for him to know. Then again, they hadn’t, not like this, not with nothing between them. "Inside me," she said softly.

He slipped inside.

"Tell me…" Her voice trailed off as he began to move.

"What?" His voice was thick, almost pained as he moved, but so slowly.

"Tell me everything you... Ahhh!" She broke off on a gasp as his fingers slipped down her stomach and into her curls. "Fuck, Clark... Say it."

"What? That I... that I know this? The feel of you?"

"Yes," she said, shaking at the feel of his fingers, of his cock, of him... "Yes."

"I do know this. I... I..." He stopped moving. "Chloe, is this right? Please tell me this is what you..."

She pushed back against him, breathing into the worn oak. "Clark, what do you want?"

"This isn't about what I..."

She reached back, squeezing his thigh and he stopped on a moan. "I want to know what you want," she insisted. Just once. Just for the last time. Just... tell me for real. "Tell me..."

"I want to fuck you," he breathed and she shook against him. "I always... I always wanted to... fuck you... feel you... so fucking good... always... Fuck, Chloe! I... I know this... I... need this... always... want you..."

Each exclamation was punctuated with a sharp thrust and she moaned at that as well as the profanity falling from Clark's mouth. No more Kal. He could let it out. Do to her what he wanted. And after, he'd know it had been done. "You have, Clark. All this time."

"You, Chloe... It always been you..." He began to move faster and his words faded to a muffled groan, punctuated by a bite that glanced over her shoulder.

"God, Clark!" She sagged against the post and he wrapped an arm around her waist, keeping her upright, murmuring in her ear.

"So good, Chloe. Always… so good. Is this..." His words faded to breath.

He didn't need to finish. As he stroked inside her, pushing her higher with every thrust, she breathed her answer. "Yes. Clark..."

“Chloe…” She felt his mouth, open against her ear, his words devolving further to open-mouthed grunts, though his hands, his thrusts were still so gentle.

"Harder.”

He pressed her harder into the post and she felt trapped between hard wood and hard, solid man. Not that she wanted to get away. But she needed more.

If this was goodbye, then she didn't want this man, so sweet, so eager to please her. It was jarring. It... it didn't feel enough like the other times. It didn’t feel enough like goodbye. "Harder, damn it," she growled, almost angry

One hand tightened on her waist as his other moved to her thigh, pulling it down. She gasped at the change in angle, then moaned loudly when he spun them to the side, until she fell against the bed, leaning hard on her hands. "This...good?"

She didn't want to answer because she didn't want him to ask. "Yes," she found herself gasping. Because it was good. It was possibly the best. Maybe just because it was the last.

She wanted to remember every sensation.

His hand moving from her thigh to her breast, thumb pressing into her nipple. His other hand, splayed over her belly in a way that felt nearly possessive. His harsh puffs of breath against her back as he leaned over her. His cock scraping against that sweet spot inside her...

She cried out, burning it all into her mind as her arms gave out.

"Chloe," he growled, following her down, right on her back, never losing his pace.

Her cries turned to whimpers. She'd never felt so... possessed by him. Maybe just because it was the last...

Suddenly, it was gone- all gone and she was on her back, her hands imprisoned against the bed.

He lowered his head, but she turned her own and his lips glanced over her ear.

"Chloe..."

"I don't want that." She turned her head back. "Just... let this be what it is."

He squinted down at her. "And what is it?"

"Just one last fuck. That's all I can give you."

"Chloe... It's more than that." He swallowed hard. "I..."

"Don't Clark," she cut him off. Please don't. I can't take it if you do.

"Chloe, please..."

"Don't say it. You don't mean it."

"Let me..."

"I'll leave, Clark," she choked out. "You'll never find me."

He growled as he crushed his mouth to hers, taking the kiss she wanted to deny him. And, even though this wasn't the direction she wanted to go...

She kissed him back hard, pouring the years of longing and frustration into him. All things considered, it might as well be their first kiss. There was no immediate danger. There was no subterfuge. No one was under the influence.

He probed her lips and slipped inside easily. His mouth stayed fused to hers until their thrusts sped up. Soon, he was pounding her into the mattress, his mouth falling to her throat.

"I need you, Chloe. So much."

Yes. Love you, Clark. Always.

*********************************

Thunder rumbled outside as she felt his breath against her. A summer storm. Probably over quickly. With any luck, he’d be gone before it stopped. She pulled away.

His arm shot out like vise and pulled her back against him. "We're not finished."

She blinked back tears as he threw his leg over hers. "That was goodbye, Clark."

"No... Never goodbye... never again." He kissed her shoulder and sighed. "It's you, Chloe. It's always been you."

She nearly turned. "What?"

"You're the only one," he breathed before his breaths became quiet and even.

A tear slipped from her eye as she let herself drift, his heartbeat against her back.

Author's note: You may notice that this has changed a bit if you read the original posting. I just rewrote a bit of this to make the smut richer and more reflecting of what's going on inside for the both of them. The first draft felt a bit rushed to me.

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