Almost Lois (Chapter Seventeen)

The press had died down. He was glad of that. It made it that much easier to sneak in the dark of the alley behind the townhouse of one Kevin Grady. Someone was home. There was a blue light in one window. Good. He didn't want to wake the guy before destroying him... or not. Maybe he'd just fly him up a little and let go for just a second...

He wasn't blind. He knew of only one person who could make her look at him like a stranger. And he would pay. And then he would fix it.

His hands itched as he inched along the ledge toward the light. The window was open. It would just make it easier. He stood on the ledge just beside the window and slowly poked his head around it. He'd expected an older man. He was surprised to see someone his own age sitting in front of a TV.

He was even more surprised when the guy spoke. "Come in, Clark."

Clark furrowed his brow as he stepped in front of the window.

He didn't turn from the blue glow. "The press are still staking me out, I bet. You might as well come in before someone sees. They'd have a field day with you."

He crouched on the ledge and stepped in. "How do you know my name?"

Grady finally stood from the couch and turned. "We've met. Very briefly. You might not remember, but... Well, I know you and I know what you can do."

"I see." He stepped further in, his fists clenched at his side. "And I know what you can do."

Grady's eyes betrayed a trace of fear. "Then you should also know that I can take your entire life and I will if you touch me."

Clark shook, but stayed still. "Why did you do it? All of it?"

"If you mean Lex... Well, I'd seen the darkness in him. And I knew it had grown over time. If I took that time away, the darkness could go with it. He's still damaged by his childhood, but we can work through that. It's why I asked him to keep me on."

He stepped forward again. "And Lois?"

"She asked me."

"I don't believe that."

"You can believe what you want. I don't answer to you. I do what I do because it helps."

"And it's a lie!" He nearly stepped forward again, but stopped himself, breathing in deep. "What's your real reason? Why do you do this?"

Grady shook his head, staring at him. "You, of all people, ask me that?" He moved closer to Clark. "Why do you stop cars and bullets?" He suddenly closed his eyes. "Why would you protect a kid from an explosion? Why would you save the very man who was obsessed with bringing you down? What's in it for you?" He stepped away and moved to the television, turning it off. "I spent many years stealing and running away from the lies my father planted in my head. I thought I'd killed my own brother. It wasn't true, but..."

"But you're planting lies now. You're as bad as he was."

"Don't say that! You have no right to get sanctimonious on me. Do you know that half the memories I took from her were of you humiliating her? Do you have any idea what you did to..."

There was a noise and both of them turned to it. A blonde man a little older than they were appeared in the hallway. "Kev?" He looked at Clark, then back to Grady. "You okay?"

"Yeah, Dan." He smiled. "Just a patient. I've got it handled."

He looked warily at Clark. "You sure?"

Grady nodded. "Go back to bed. I'll be in soon."

The man looked at Clark again, but left. Clark suddenly felt a little uneasy. "That's... uh... your..."

"Boyfriend? Lover?" Grady smiled. "That make you uncomfortable?"

"No," he lied.

Grady suddenly laughed and sat back down. "Sorry, but... your face..." He suddenly stopped and stared at Clark. "You thought I was after her, didn't you?"

"Not exactly. I just..."

"She's lovely, but no." He smiled sadly. "Dan was a mess once. I met him in a bar. He offered me sex for money. I paid him, but I didn't... Well, not then. I gave him my card instead. He came to my office and made the same offer. I paid him again. But that time, I took something in return. A moment with his uncle. Something he'd been masking with drugs and sex and alcohol. He came back again and I took a little more. After I finally got him to rehab, he thought the drugs had made him blank in spots. I kept visiting him as a friend. Soon, it was just... more."

Clark found himself sitting in a wooden chair. "So... If you screw up and say something you shouldn't, do you just... wipe it?"

Grady shook his head. "It's not like that. I have a normal life outside of what I do. You should try it."

"I wanted to." Clark looked at the floor. "And I wanted it with her."

Grady pursed his lips. "I'm sorry. But I... I liked her too much to let her go on that way. So I took a little, rearranged a little. I took the life she'd begun to make and made it true. She's a little like you... Well, parts of you. She wants to help. She wants to give everything in herself. That's what she did for you, for others. Keeping secrets and fighting things much bigger than her. Now... Well, she'll be happy. She can live a life free of lies. Even if I could reverse it, I wouldn't. She deserves to enjoy her new life, not to constantly feel guilty for having it."

Clark looked up at him. "So you can't..."

"No. Maybe you should open yourself up to the idea that... Well, she's happier now."

Clark didn't leave right away. He sat on Grady's roof and looked out at the city, most of it dark. So Grady couldn't reverse it. But there was something that could. Someone. He thought of 33.1, of all the mysteries in this world. There could be someone, somewhere that could fix this and bring her back.

*********************************

"Hello?" she croaked.

"Lois, I... I just got your fax and..."

She groaned and looked at her clock. "Linda, it's after midnight. And what fax?" She heard a soft sob on the other end. She sat up in bed. "Linda? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just... Lois, can you answer a question for me?"

"Sure, Honey." She felt fully awake now. What could have upset Linda so much.

"Who's my husband?"

"Ollie, of course. Is something wrong with him? Should I..."

"And what does he do?"

"Well... He's the mayor. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Your mother? What's her name?"

"It's Ella."

"And my mother?"

"Marianne? I think it's... I... I can't think straight. It's late. Are you having some kind of identity crisis?"

"No. It's you... I..." She heard sniffling and Linda breathing heavily. "You know what? I'm fine. It's just been a tough week with work."

"Well, you tell Ollie to ease up. Politicians put a lot of pressure on their women, I guess."

"Yeah. But I'm fine. In fact, maybe I'll see you soon."

"Really?" She found herself smiling. "I could do with a visit. I don't really have many friends around here."

"You could see Martha."

"Martha?"

There was a sigh on the other end. "Um... You know, I should get to bed."

"Okay. Oh... And very funny, by the way."

"What?"

"The guy, the joke... You know the beefy guy with the glasses and the suit. What was that about?"

"Uh... We'll talk tomorrow, Hon. I'll call you."

"Okay." But it was already at the dial tone.

She put her cell on her nightstand and laid back down, confused. Maybe Linda had been drinking. She supposed she deserved a drunken phone call. Hadn't she called Linda the other night. Yes. drunk-dialed. From the bar. They'd been mourning Lex Luthor's release. She supposed Perry would want to write a scathing editorial for Sunday's paper. Most of the Daily Planet staff didn't buy Luthor's version of events. He'd... killed his father in self-defense, he'd said. And his father had killed... her cousin? Why was it all so unclear?

She saw her cousin. She saw a little girl that followed her and Linda around. Was that her? Why was it all so... She closed her eyes. Her head hurt. It had been pounding since she'd left the... therapist's office. She vaguely remembered being in bad shape. The doctor must have calmed her. She wished he could have done something about this headache. She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled the covers higher. She really should sleep. She had work.

*****************************

"We need to do something," Clark said, frowning. The white lounge of headquarters was full of concerned faces.

"I agree," Victor said. "Maybe the doctor's lying. He could fix it."

"I don't think so," Clark said darkly. "I... I don't think he's a liar, at least."

"And if he tried," Oliver put in, turning his glass around in his hand. "She could end up damn near catatonic like her mother."

"Dude." A.C. shook his head. "This is just crazy."

"Poor Chlolo," Bart sighed. "She'll never remember all we had."

"Could you not joke at a time like this?" Linda snapped.

"I wasn't joking," Bart said. "We did share some times and stuff."

A.C. suddenly turned to the black-haired woman next to him on the couch. "Diana, your lariat... Doesn't it make people tell the truth?"

"Well... it's more to force a liar. She can't tell what she no longer knows." She patted his shoulder. "Sorry, Babe."

Clark was pacing in a circle around the table, gaining speed with every minute they lost.

Bart groaned. "I'm gonna get sick. You have to settle down, Guy. You're making me dizzy."

Clark stopped and threw himself into a chair. It creaked, but didn't break. He almost wished it had.

"Lin?" Oliver turned to Linda. "Why are you so quiet?"

She pulled something from her pocket, a crumpled piece of paper. "I got this fax from her."

Clark stood up. So did Oliver? "When?"

"Not long ago."

"Is that why you were upset on the way?" Oliver touched her shoulder. "Linda..."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Clark asked tightly. "I could have..."

"I only retrieved it an hour before you came. And why would I tell you?" She glared at him. "You're the cause of all of this."

"Just let me see it," he growled. "Please."

She reluctantly held it out.

Dear Linda,

I'd call to tell you this, but you'd only talk me out of it. But you have to understand that I have only the best reasons for what I'm about to do.

For so long, I've had secrets. Some mine, some belonging to my friends. As a reporter, it stings that I have to constantly keep secrets. I've always believed in the truth. I've also had images. Ones where I've been hurt or hurt someone. Do you remember the day you killed Luthor's men by Cottonwood Creek? Haven't you wished you could take it away and feel clean?

I bring this up because I want you to understand. Maybe you're stronger than I am, but I just want this life to be mine. If your name has to be mine, I want it to be true. I won't forget who you are to me. I won't forget our stupid slumber parties and the way you always stand up for me. The way we'd do anything for each other. I'm asking you to do something now. I want you to let me make this life and this name the only ones I have.

I don't want to see Lucy's body in my grave. I don't want to see Luthor's blank face over his father's body. I don't want to see myself stuffing dead bodies into a car. I don't want to see my father just before he died. I don't want to see Smallville and the many freaks that came at me with chainsaws or axes or worse. And I don't want to see Clark around town, knowing what he could never be for me. It all hurts.

I don't even want to see my mother and watch over and over as she dies, never having lived. Do you know what she said to me? She said to be happy. I bury myself in work to forget all of these things. But at night they haunt me. They make me feel cold and dirty and as if I can never do what my mother said.

I just want to be happy, Linda. And maybe this is the worst mistake ever. But I'm going to make it. For once, I'm doing something that's just for me.

Give everyone my love. Tell them that I might not remember what they've done. But I'll remember who they are. At least I hope so. I'm scared. But maybe this is the kind of scared that's good. It's like your first plane ride. It might feel like you'll plunge to the ground for a while. But it will all be worth it when you step off into a new land.

I love you.

He let it drop from his hands. Oliver quickly snatched it up and soon it was passed around the room. Clark only stood silently.

"It's because of you," Linda finally sneered. "All of that would have been okay if you had just..."

Ollie took her arm. "Linda..."

"No, Ollie. He should know." She whirled on Clark. "You should have seen her after you left. She was a different person. She buried herself in work. She hardly came up for air. It was like pulling teeth to get her to laugh. And I thought it would change. When she went to Metropolis, she started to... enjoy life or at least enjoy the work she was throwing herself into." She lifted her chin. "I bet that all changed when you came back. I wanted to fly out right then and save her from you. I should have. Her voice on the phone after... It was empty again. You just... broke her. You always have. Do you think I didn't know? All the years that you used her and..."

"Linda, that's enough," Ollie cut in.

"No. I think he should know." She pushed Clark. He let himself be pushed. He sank into the chair and heard its warning creak again. "My cousin will never know how brave she is, how self-sacrificing she always was, her own history. And that kills me. But I'm almost glad if it means she never met your sorry ass."

Clark stared at the floor as it became blurry in his view. Tears. It had been a while. He almost wasn't sure what they were for a moment. He heard shuffling and muffled sobs. A door closed and the noise died down.

"What do we do?" he heard Bart ask. "Is there an antidote or..."

"The guy didn't drug her, Dude," A.C. said. "We can't just..."

"Could we discuss this later?" a female voice asked. "Maybe your friend needs to be alone."

"Boyscout," Bart sighed. "I don't think you're a bad guy, but... Well, don't beat yourself up too hard."

"Come on, Bart," she said.

When it was silent, he looked up, letting the tears run down his cheeks.

"I just don't know."

He turned, surprised to see Victor still there.

"If she chose this," Victor went on, staring hard at Clark. "Then maybe her wishes should be respected."

"So I'm just supposed to let her go?"

"I think you did that a while ago." He stood and came to sit across from Clark. "I once told her that the fight was more important than personal happiness." He shook his head. "And maybe it is, when you know it's not something you can have. Maybe for me. Maybe for you." He shrugged. "We're bred into it, you and me. With what we can do... It's like we don't have choice. But her... She's been in the fight all these years. She didn't have to be. Maybe she deserves to be happy."

"Are you saying I should let her live as if none of it had ever happened? As if Chloe Sullivan really was dead?"

"I'm saying you should think of what she wants."

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