Almost Whole (Chapter Eighteen)

She checked behind her. It was still there. She hadn't thought much of the tan sedan behind her when she left her apartment. It was nine am then. Alot of people were going to work. She hadn't even thought much of it when she came out of Deitrich's with her coffee. It was an area where many people grabbed breakfast. But when she got on the freeway, heading again toward Smallville, when the thing was still there, she started looking closer.

She hadn't exactly planned to go to Smallville again. She'd spent the last two days there and a part of her thought going in again was risky. She might run into Martha Kent again and, though she liked the woman, she wasn't exactly feeling social. There was only one person in Smallville she wanted to know better and that was Chloe Sullivan. Besides all that, she trusted Martha not to say anything about her jaunt there two days ago, but another sighting might be pushing it.

"Speaking of pushing it," she muttered, looking behind her. The thing was about three cars back and two lanes away. They were passing Shelbyville. Could be going there. But if it was still there when the lanes got smaller and the warehouses and strip malls turned to farmland, it might be time to consider whether or not she was being followed.

An hour later, she was sure of it. She pulled into the granny lane and slowed slightly, wondering if it would pass her.

It didn't.

"Who are you?" she whispered. Her first thought was Luthor. After accosting her in The Planet's parking lot, she didn't think he'd just give up. But the car was a little low rent for him. She slowed more and looked in her rearview. It was a Ford Taurus. Not exactly his style, but it could be someone he hired. Tinted windows. It was a fairly nondescript car. She might have ignored it herself if it hadn't been dogging her every move. She slowed even further and looked at the license plate. It was a Metropolis plate, but the plate's frame said Thrifty. A rental. That told her nothing.

She sped up again, but not too much. Not wanting to make it obvious she knew. But she kept one eye behind her as she moved onto the exit ramp. "Still there, aren't you, Pal?"

She might be able to lose it where she was going. It wasn't exactly a place people flocked to. If this tail was even the least bit intelligent, it would stop there. But she moved down Main street, just to see. She passed the shops and turned off onto fourth, where the library was. There was little she knew of this town, but she could use what she did.

Off Fourth was the street she was going for. It led to nothing but a few farms and the Luthor mansion and her target: the graveyard. Whoever it was under the headstone of Chloe Sullivan (and she was getting an inkling who), she wanted to pay her respects, and to more than her. She turned quickly and righted the bouquet that had fallen between the seat and console, then looked behind again.

No tan sedan.

She was almost disappointed.

She pulled over onto the shoulder that was mostly dirt and tire tracks. It wasn't a huge graveyard. She was fairly sure she could find them easily.

Her cell rang and she jumped. She wasn't meeting Torch Boy until tomorrow. And she didn't see why he'd...

"Webber." She stared at the 610 number on the screen, feeling like things might finally be going her way.

"Yes. Lane, here."

"Ms. Lane, I hope you know that I'm having a real hard time tracking down this family of yours. There's nothing on any computer database and I think..."

"Well, I told you it wouldn't be found on any internet database. If it could be, I wouldn't need someone local. I need actual paper."

"Well, alright." He sighed. "I guess I can go to City Hall, but what I want to know is why the hell you want this. Isn't this your own family? Why don't you know this stuff, anyway?"

"Webber, I'm not asking you to do anything illegal. Just bill me your man hours and never mind why I want it."

"You don't have to get..."

"Apparently, I do if you're calling me just to whine. Why don't you save your minutes for when you actually have something."

She hung up. Not knowing Pennsylvania, she'd had no idea she'd picked the laziest PI in the state. Maybe she'd been abrupt, but maybe he needed that to prod his ass into action. On her end, she was working her ass off and she wasn't even getting paid.

She stepped out of the car, her breath visible puffs in the cold, and closed her coat. As she leaned over for the flowers, she wondered why she bothered. They would be dead by tomorrow. But the flowers weren't the point. It was the action. It was the resolve. Whatever she had done to cause these deaths, it wasn't the kind of action she'd repeat.

As she walked toward the markers, she saw a name she knew. "Kent," she whispered. She moved to the stone of Jonathon Kent. Martha's husband. Clark's father. There was a tiny potted fir in front of it with a small "Merry Christmas" on a stick. A little bow around the middle. A tiny star on top. Christmas was coming. She'd nearly forgot. She leaned down to it. It wasn't too covered in frost. Martha must have put it there recently. The grave was well-kept. It didn't surprise her, having met Martha. She seemed the kind of woman to take care of her loved ones, whether they needed it any longer or not.

What was surprising were the two identical firs a few graves over. She choked slightly as she saw the graves of Chloe Sullivan and Gabriel Sullivan. She walked closer on shaky legs that finally gave out from under her as she stepped between them. The grass was brown and slightly crunchy underneath her, but she didn't care. She stayed there, her legs folded under her, and touched each of the firs. "Thank you, Martha," she whispered, her voice thick. She placed her flowers next to the pots and finally let her tears fall.

To anyone else, it would appear to be a father and daughter, buried side by side, having died within two months of each other. But she knew that it wasn't his daughter there. His daughter was right here.

Gabriel Sullivan
Beloved Father and Husband
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning."
~Revelations

She traced the G in Gabriel and let herself say it. "Daddy?" She turned away, wondering if she even deserved to call him that. It was no coincidence that these deaths happened so close together. And she still wasn't clear on what part she'd played in her father's death. She looked to the other grave. But she knew she was more than responsible for this one. Lois Lane had even identified the body. Had lied.

Chloe Anne Sullivan
Beloved daughter and friend
"Even in death the righteous have a refuge."
~Proverbs.

She turned away from both of them and looked to her left. Righteous? Hardly a word to describe Chloe Sullivan. It was so hard to face them, to mourn them with this guilt of...

Her mind sort of froze, seeing yet another fir. This one on a grave next to Gabriel's. She hadn't seen it. She couldn't see the name. She pulled herself up and nearly stumbled to it.

Moira Sullivan.
1964-2008
Beloved wife and mother.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
May she find the peace she never could in life.

"Mom," she breathed. "My mom." Her mind raced as her tears dried up. Just when she thought she had so many of the pieces, she realized that there was so much more. She had a mom. Of course, everyone had a mom, but she never really thought about her own. "Need more flowers," she said, suddenly frantic. She only had two. She didn't know she need three. She moved to the other two graves and took some from their bouquets, suddenly stopping as she stooped near Chloe's. There was a little something on the side of the headstone. She reached for it. It was soft and slightly damp. It was bears. Two tiny little bears wearing dresses, their paws sewn together. She nearly laughed to look at it. Such a silly thing to put on a grave, really. She turned it over. There was a tiny little charm around its neck. A heart. It said "sisters."

"Sisters?" Was it dropped from another grave or...

She placed the bear down and put the flowers she'd gathered on Moira's grave. She stared at all three. "I'll figure this out," she said aloud. "And I'll... I'll make it right for all of you. Whatever I have to do."

She moved toward her car, pulling out her cell, quickly pushing talk for the last number.

"You got Webber."

"Webber, I have something specific you need to look for in city hall. The Lanes may have had another daughter. I want that name."

"Well, this may take more time and..."

"If one birth is on record, the other should be there, too. Just... do it," she finished softly as she cleared the trees. There was a car down the road from hers. Not just any car. A tan sedan with tinted windows. "I have to go."

She quickly turned back to the graves and pretended to be fooling with her phone, not wanting to give away that she saw. If she wasn't positive before, she was now. But who was it? Didn't seem like Luthor's style. Could it be someone who knew who she was, what she'd done? Someone ready to threaten her or... something worse. Confronting the person would be foolish. Unsafe. But she might have to take measures to protect herself. Maybe even right this minute. As far as weapons, she had nothing, but...

She whirled around at crunching gravel, nearly paralyzed at the idea that the car was coming toward hers. She wasn't prepared for this.

But it wasn't the sedan. It was a limousine coming from the opposite direction. She nearly felt relief until it slowed, then pulled over and stopped in front of her car. She heard a noise and quickly turned to see the tan sedan reversing, then turning and nearly peeling away.

"What the..."

She didn't even have time to ponder that when the limousine's door opened. Her eyes widened as Lex Luthor stepped out, moved to the driver's side window and knocked on it. "Wait here," she heard him say. She would go for her panic button, but she doubted there was anyone to hear her out here. He walked slowly toward her. "Lane. Fancy meeting you here."

She glared at him. "Yes. Obviously a complete coincidence." At least now she knew who was following her. And she wasn't about to take it lying down. "Mind telling me why you're having me followed?"

He stopped, eyes widening. "Pardon me?"

"Oh, come on, Luthor. I take a jaunt to the Smallville graveyard and you just happen to drive by. Very probable. And just plain ironic after your accusing me of keeping tabs on you. What gives you the right..."

"Lane, I don't know what you're talking about. But I happen to drive by this graveyard every day. It's the only way into town from my house." He nodded behind him. "You have been there."

"I knew that," she said dully. "I just..." Then why had that car drove off so hurriedly if they weren't making way for the boss? "Why did you stop?"

"Because I saw you." He smiled. "Anyone would stop to greet a... friend."

"So we're friends now? That's funny because I specifically remember asking you to keep your distance."

"I know. And I wanted to apologize for that night. I was... not myself. I'd had the wrong idea about you. I'm starting to get the right one. In fact, I'd like to speak to you about that." He gestured to the trees. "Do you have time for a walk?"

"With you?" He nodded and she shook her head. "No, thanks." She moved to her car.

"Hold on just a moment." She whirled, wondering if he was going to come at her. Her body stiffened and she found her fist clenching. But he moved past her to his own car and opened the door he'd come out of. He disappeared inside, then came out again with something black in his hands. He held it out to her. "It's a tazer."

"And?"

"I'm giving it to you because I realize that you might have some issues after I manhandled you. I am sorry about that."

She reluctantly took it. "Why can't we talk here?"

"I'll explain further in." He started walking and, because she was just a little curious... or a lot, she followed. They moved past the graves to a copse of trees.

"I think this is far enough."

He stopped and turned to her.

"So why the nature hike?"

"I don't exactly trust my staff. I've let most go. I use a cleaning service and have my food delivered. Even the drivers are temporary hires. I don't keep anyone above a week," he said calmly.

"Seems a little paranoid."

He shrugged. "Possibly. But I'd rather be safe. I don't exactly know who to trust anymore."

"I can relate," she muttered before she thought better of it.

"Yes. I believe you can."

She stared back at him, It wasn't exactly the same with her. As much as she distrusted her friends to tell her the truth, she had no real doubts about their integrity. It was herself she doubted these days. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I want to talk about you. Specifically, I want to talk about Chloe Sullivan."

She couldn't doubt the look in his eyes. He knew. She'd had her fears about this very moment. "Look, I..."

"I really did have it all wrong. I'd sensed something... familiar in you. When I asked for your help it was because of that. As if we were... kindred spirits. Both of us with a passion for the truth. When you didn't get back to me, I did a little researching of my own and I noticed a few similarities between Chloe Sullivan and Lois Lane." He moved closer and she gripped the taser. He stopped, putting his hands up in front of him with a nod. "The main similarity was your looks. But I thought that was just family resemblance. But I found myself staring at those pictures of her more and more, trying to figure out this girl. What was her connection to me, my father and I... Then I saw it. Three little moles." He gestured to her face. "Resemblance usually doesn't go that far. Wouldn't you agree?"

She closed her eyes. "Well, I know you aren't blackmailing me for money, Luthor. So what do you want?"

"I don't want to blackmail you. How could I? We're victims of the same man, something I realized that night." He shook his head. "I came at you angry because I didn't know that truth. I thought that you were stringing me along, letting me believe your false name and promises of help with some plan to... I don't know. I was so furious, I could hardly see straight. I'm... more in control of myself now." His throat worked for a moment. "I am."

Lois griped the taser. "All the same, I'd like a nice three foot..."

"You're searching for answers, too. I might have some for you." He started shifting as he stood. "You just have to... share. What do you know?"

Nothing I'm telling you. Despite his assurances, despite his markedly more smooth demeanor today, she had a gut feeling that Lex Luthor was about as trustworthy as a rabid dog. "I doubt I have anything you'd be interested in. Besides, I prefer to work solo."

He suddenly smiled. "I don't think you'd be saying that if you knew what I could do for you. I have more than facts. I have..." He stopped, his head twitching to the side. "Fuck!"

She stared at him and raised the taser up. "What's the matter with you?"

"It's going away..." He squeezed his eyes shut and put his hand to his head. He stumbled, nearly falling headfirst into a tree.

Her hand went limp and she dropped the taser, rushing to him. "What's wrong?" She propped him aginst the tree.

"Never enough time," he said. "Gets shorter every... fucking..." He groaned and leaned his head back. He was pale and shaking.

"We have to get you to a hospital. Come on." She tried to get her arm around his back when he suddenly pushed forward.

"No!" He grabbed her by the arms and reversing their positions against the tree. "No hospital. I'm fine."

"Luthor, whatever it is you're doing to yourself, you're not fine."

"I will be. I just need..." His eyes closed and his head dipped forward. "It's always almost there. Never words. Never pictures. Just..." His words rushed together before he stopped. "just feelings," he finished. She felt his hands on her through her coat, suddenly loosening, though they didn't leave. "I never see it. Hear it. But I feel..." He lifted his head, his eyes searching her face. "This. I know this."

She felt frozen. She did, too.

She felt his and on her cheek, his fingers shaking slightly against her skin. "Know you," he whispered. "I've been here before." His head dipped forward and she felt him inhale against her hair.

Been here before. She had a terrible feeling she had, too. She was still not quite sure if Chloe Sullivan had slept with Lionel Luthor. But, as she felt her stomach clench when his breath brushed her ear, she had the sickening feeling she might have slept with Lex.

"I feel it." His face moved into her line of vision again. "What is it about you..." His face blurred and he was... kissing her. Lips and breath and a quickening inside her that told her that she had definitely been here before. What's more, she must have enjoyed it.

And she didn't want to. When the hand on her face moved to the back of her head, she didn't want to lean forward to let it. When his other hand left her arm and moved to the opening of her coat, she really wanted to slap it away. Instead she was leaning into him as his hand gripped her waist. She didn't kiss back, but that was about all the fight she had in her because it felt so... bad. Very bad. She was a bad girl. She must have been.

Maybe it was no sin to let his tongue inside. Maybe she deserved someone like this, someone as damaged as her.

His grip on her tightened and she felt his growing erection against her stomach. Her entire body tightened and tensed and she didn't know if it was fear or want. It all felt... She didn't want to say good. She knew she was aroused, but it wasn't exactly a good feeling. His lips left hers to rest, open against her neck, panting short, hard breaths aginst her skin. "What... were we?"

"I don't know." The tension inside her broke and she finally pushed him. He hit the ground. "I don't think I want to know."

He stared up at her in shock and bewilderment. "No. There's something... familiar. You feel it, too."

She shook her head sadly. "Doesn't matter. It only matters what we are now. And this..." She gestured between them. "This isn't it." She moved past him, but he grabbed the edge of her coat.

"You can't walk away from the truth. You have to... find it. Face it."

"I know." She pulled at her coat. "But I can walk away from you."

She saw the taser surrounded by the crumbled remains of leaves and kicked it away as she walked.

"You wouldn't be saying that," she heard behind her. "Not if you knew... fuck!"

She turned back one last time, saw him clutching his head in both hands. He wasn't well. But it was all his own doing. She really couldn't involve herself with Lex Luthor any further. She turned away again and began walking. "I strongly suggest you stop contacting me," she threw over over shoulder. She moved to her car, only stopping to knock on the limo's driver side window. "You should go check on your boss," she said as the window rolled down, not even looking at the man, not looking back at Lex. In this case, looking back did her no good.

She wouldn't be making the same mistakes. Having some idea of what they were only strengthened her resolve.

**********************************

"Clark, I hate to sound rude, but... Gee whiz, it just... It feels like you're fighting me."

Clark tried to reign in his temper. He knew Murray meant well, but to force him to do Yoga was just too much. He glanced toward Diana, calmly standing on her head and extending her legs. "Yeah, Clark. You aren't exactly relaxing."

"I'm standing on my head and breathing deep. I don't know what else you guys want from me."

"Progress, maybe?" Diana bent her legs and moved smoothly to a standing position. "Maybe reading the note?"

Clark stared ahead at the post-it on the wall ahead of him. They were working on his vision still, but he couldn't seem to read the thing, with its minuscule writing. "I don't see how standing on my head will help."

"Standing on your head isn't the point," Murray said. "It's about centering yourself, about finding a place where you aren't so obsessed with the note, but with... Well, I don't know much about this myself. But Diana swears it's very relaxing. And we all know Diana is a very balanced sort of person."

"Oh, Murray. Thanks."

"Well, Sara has told me you're the only League member with any sense. It's a great compliment, though I don't hold to her opinion of the rest of them. I find everyone to be surprisingly pleasant and..."

Clark rolled his eyes, watching this upside-down love in. That whole deep breathing thing last night was a fluke, in his opinion. He'd already done it. He knew he could do it. It wasn't like the breathing made it happen. It just... happened. "This is silly."

Diana turned to him. "Well, you have to give it a..."

He quickly jumped into a standing position.

"Clark, you're supposed to slowly progress out of position, not..."

"Listen, I get it now. I need to relax more so I don't over-think it all. But you can't just shove all this yoga at me and tell me it's relaxing. It's not."

Diana crossed her arms. "Fine. What's relaxing to you?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe that Jimmy's party," Murray said hopefully. "You told me that was a relaxing thought."

The idea of watching sports and eating hot wings was infinitely more appealing than being forced to breathe deep in a broken down warehouse, but still...

"Who's Jimmy?" Diana asked.

"Clark's coworker," Murray explained. "Very friendly guy. Having some sort of gathering to watch football."

"Typical." Diana rolled her eyes and bent to her mat, rolling it up. "I try to pass on an ancient art, thousands of years old and said to directly enliven the body's inner intelligence and you want to watch guys in padded suits smash into each other over a ball." She snatched at Clark's mat as he jumped aside. "Men." She tossed the mats aside and shrugged. "Fine. So what do we do right now? Get a big screen delivered?"

"I don't mean that. I just... Look, I just have a lot on my mind right now." Between his talk with Linda last night and worries over his powers and worries over Lois, his mind couldn't stop going around in circles.

"And that's the point of Yoga. To stop living in your head and get in touch with your body."

"Maybe it doesn't work for everyone," Clark grumbled. "I mean, I know I can do it... Well, except for how I can't right now. I know my powers were drained temporarily and this is all some mental block, but knowing that doesn't make it disappear like magic."

"We know, Clark. But we can't stop trying. I know what it's like. Believe me. When I was developing my first neuro-cognitive prosthesis, I had the devil of a time with the biosensors and helping them connect to the nervous system. I must have drawn up so many prototypes... Yet I could never successfully help them send intention commands from the user to the actuators of the device and..."

Clark's eyes glazed over. As much as he respected Murray's work, he sometimes tuned out on his science jargon. He wished there was a simple answer. Some sort of key to unlocking all of his power with jumping hurdles or distraction or... But nothing was ever simple. There were no easy answers.

Even with Lois, it wasn't as simple as telling her or not. Either had a world of complications and consequences. And he hadn't even gotten past step one yet, whether or not she should be told. He wasn't completely convinced there wasn't a way around it, a way to restore her memories without resorting to something so risky as letting loose knowledge her mind might not be able to accept. If they took their time, all working together, maybe they could find that way. But time might be something they didn't have. She'd seemed so brittle and distant lately and he couldn't bear to watch her going through... Still, they'd had a rough two weeks. Maybe this break would do wonders and give them the time they needed to figure something out for her.

But maybe not.

Circles again.

And that was the problem. There was no right answer. If he could just see her, make sure she was okay... Last night, he'd cruised by her building. With his X-ray vision working, he wanted to just take a peek. But he stopped himself. He didn't have the right to invade her space. Linda, he thought, had more of a right and a part of him wished she would exercise it.

"...But when I stopped pondering it so heavily, I realized that polyvinyl chloride was much more flexible and could comfortably be fitted over the remains of the limb and, in the end, it all pulled together beautifully. You see? Does that help?"

"Uh... yeah," Clark lied.

"So we aren't completely without hope."

Clark glanced at Diana and noticed that she wore a rather glassy-eyed look as well. "Thanks, Murray, for the pep talk. I'm going to... try to..." What was the point again? "Unwind a little."

Except he just couldn't. Two hours later, after much casual talk, then numerous echoes of "Try it now" from the both of them, he'd ended up speeding to the damned post-it. It was the first two lines of Green Eggs and Ham.

"I am Sam. Sam I am," he read. After all those hours, he was hoping for something a little deeper. He crumpled it and tossed it to the floor. "Great session, guys. Really."

"But Clark..."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he threw over his shoulder.

And he knew he was being peevish and rude, but he left anyway, speeding through town after town, trying to work off all this frustration. This tension. He nearly uprooted a tree on the outskirts of Chicago just to show he could do something. But he stopped himself.

It wasn't the tree's fault he couldn't relax.

He was starting to wonder if he was uptight.

*********************

She was starting to wonder if she was paranoid.

She was about to look up the locksmith who just left, just to make sure he was on the up and up. But there was no reason to believe a locksmith she'd chosen at random was some kind of shadowy goon about to betray her to whoever the hell was following her. Besides that, she had all duplicates.

There was now a lock on her bedroom door, two additional locks on her front door, and her desks drawers were all secure. She'd squeezed all the keys on her ring which she was now picking up and dropping on her desk. Coming home would be a major operation now.

Maybe she was paranoid

She moved to her window, keeping to the side of it, even with the blinds drawn. She looked down the street, then moved to the other side and looked up the street. No tan sedan. But it had been here when she got home. She'd sat at her window and waited for it to drive off before she'd called the locksmith.

She still wasn't sure who it was. She still wasn't ready to count out Luthor. He might want to get at what she had so far. She couldn't let him. Some of her notes included Clark. She'd taken everything off her computer and put it on a flash drive. It would stay with her at all times for now, but she was likely to destroy it once she'd done what she needed to with it.

For now, no one getting at her things. Her truth.

"Still not adding up," she muttered, moving to her white board. This Ruby Ridge scandal had occurred in November, between the deaths of Gabriel Sullivan and the girl identified as Chloe Sullivan. There was a 911 call placed just before that death. it wasn't hard to get a hold of. It had been all over the news. She moved to her computer again. She had to hear it again. She had to make sense of it.

It had been hard to hear at first. Because she knew that voice. It was her own.

"I'm standing in it. It belongs to Lex Luthor and there are illegal experiments going on. There are more than fifty unconscious men all over and we need airlifts and medical help. Lex Luthor is responsible and you must get here..."

She hit pause. Two mentions of Lex Luthor. Someone must have really wanted to make sure he was clearly implicated. But the evidence had come out later that Lionel Luthor had been the one behind Ruby Ridge. The one who shot the girl later identified as Chloe Sullivan. And she'd apparently been right by his side moments before.

"Who is this? We don't take unverified..."

"Miss Sullivan, please!"

She paused it again. Miss Sullivan. Not exactly a lover's address. Still, she couldn't rule it out just yet. If she'd slept with Lex, who knows what else she might have done?

"Get here now! Or people will die!"

And people did. Lionel Luthor and someone she herself must have identified as Chloe Sullivan. After all, the body was identified by Lois Lane. But what she was only now beginning to understand was that the body was that of Lois Lane. It had to be. What other identity was lying around for her to snap up?

What she didn't understand was what had happened after. Lex had, according to sources, shot his father in self defense, ending up in a state of shock. But what had she done? Had she just run? Left her own cousin bleeding on the floor to... "Wait. Just a second..." Nothing made sense. What was the late Lois Lane doing there? The Yukon wasn't exactly a hot vacation spot like Aspen. It was all too...

"Too much," she breathed. She covered her eyes, shaking. She heard a distant beeping and realized it was her alarm clock. It must be morning. She hadn't noticed. She opened her eyes and glared at her monitor, closing the window. "Just stop it," she found herself saying aloud. Now was not the time to put it together. She didn't have all the pieces she could get. Speculation gave her nothing.

Sleep. She needed some sleep or she'd be useless tonight.

She stumbled to bed, falling on top of the covers, then managing to pull one side over herself.

Tonight she'd get The Torch. Tonight she'd learn all she could about a high-school-aged Chloe Sullivan.

Whether she wanted to or not.

And she was leaning toward not. With every fact, she found herself wishing she'd never heard the name.

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Chapter Nineteen