Almost Lovers (Chapter Twenty-Eight)

Banner by Summerstar882

So, here we are!

I can't believe I am just two chapters away from a finish. This fic has taken up so much of my LIFE!

This is just pouring out of me as we get to the finish. It doesn't hurt that I had a lot of scenes pre-written for literally years in my messy outline. It's so strange to cut and paste and dress up those bits up and watch my outline get smaller and smaller...

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Chapter 28

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been staring at her. He only knew he hadn’t blinked, didn’t want to until he saw her eyes open. And they would. There was no reason they wouldn’t. Yet he still felt afraid…

When they finally opened, he closed his tight, dropping his head to her hand. “Thank God.”

“Wha…” Her voice came out a low croak.

“Don’t speak. Not yet.” He stood, trying to take care to do it at something approaching normal speed, never easy when he was upset, and moved to the tray table pushed to the side. He poured her some water and dipped a straw in.

“Where…” 

“Two seconds.” He moved back to her and picked up the remote, moving her bed-back up before he held out the cup, going so far as to put the straw in her mouth before she slapped his hand away and took it herself. “Sorry.”

She just closed her eyes and sipped.

“You’re at Met Gen. I took you here when you had what looked like some kind of seizure. Go slow.”

She opened her eyes, still swallowing, though she did slow down.

“Incidentally, I’m going to talk to the police about CPR training for Superman. I figure it’s easier to do it that way so I don’t get any crazy looks if I… break Resusci-Annie.”

She just gave him a look, eyebrows raised.

“I didn’t like that feeling, like nothing I could do could help you. It was like…” He nearly said it was like his father all over again, but he didn’t want to put that sad scenario on her. “I just want to take some precautions. Make sure I know what to do in situations like that.” He forced a smile. “That’s all.”

She stopped, gulping air now. “What happened?”

“Did you want some…”

“No. I want to know what happened,” she said shortly.

“Nothing, apparently. They found nothing wrong with you. Or Jimmy.”

“Jimmy?” She tried to sit up, but he pushed lightly at her shoulder.

“Please, don’t.”

“What happened to Jimmy?”

“Same thing that happened to you. Perry said he just dropped and started convulsing at the Planet when he got back from taking you home. Perry was beside himself. He’s having Jimmy’s car being checked as that was the one thing you two had in common, they think it could be a C02 leak or something.” He ran a hand over his eyes. “They had you on an IV overnight, though, as you were slightly dehydrated. Not enough for… that, though.” He gripped her hand harder and pulled his chair closer. “You really scared me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said tiredly. “I don’t know. I’d say it was the shock of what you went through, but that wouldn’t explain Jimmy.”

“No,” she said softly. “So there’s nothing wrong with me?”

“Not as far as they can tell. They took some blood and are waiting for…”

“Then they can’t keep me here.” She threw off her blankets. 

He reached for her. “Lois, you can’t…”

“Yes, I can,” she said, shaking him off. “Where are my clothes?”

“In the closet, but…”

“Clark, if nothing’s wrong with me, then I want to go home. I want to go someplace that’s… familiar,” she finished, her voice catching on the last word. “Okay?”

He sighed and moved to the closet. “Let me help…”

“No! Just… just tell me what’s going on.” She tossed open the door and pulled out a bag.

“I had Linda pack some fresh clothes. The ones you had on were a little done in.”

“Thanks. Now just… just talk. I don’t want to think.” She pulled out some sweatpants. “You said ‘last night.’ It was still morning last I remember. Was I in here all day and night?”

“Yes.”

She stilled. “Like a coma?”

“No. You woke up twice, talking to yourself, something about boxes and… you kind of hit me.”

She stepped into her pants. “What?”

“Well, I asked if you were okay and you slapped me, then just fell back to sleep. It wasn’t hard, so you didn’t hurt yourself.”

“Or you, I guess,” she muttered, tossing off the gown and pulling on a T-shirt. “Can’t hurt you.” She sounded almost… angry. “Don’t stop talking. What about Lex? About the Gradys? What about her?”

“Lana’s exclusive came out… without our corroboration.” He shook his head. “Or protest. I just couldn’t think of anything else with you here. Lex actually had some kind of medical incident in Belle Reve. Victor’s looking into what, but they think it might have been faked for lower security. They’re observing him there, but keeping security tight all the same.” He paused. Should he tell her? No. She’d dealt with enough. “Lawrence Grady had his license revoked long before all this. They were considering charging him, but the coercion…”

“Yeah. I figured.” She stuffed her feet into her sneakers, not bothering with socks. “And Kevin?”

“The guards,” he said after a moment. “Lex’s guards are being charged, even though they’re claiming they were threatened or drugged, depending on which you ask…”

“Likely,” she groaned. “What about Kevin.”

“We can sign you out if you’re ready.” Clark held a hand out for her bag, but she held it close.

“Clark, what about Kevin?”

“Listen, you’ve had kind of an ordeal. Perry’s actual told me you’re not to come in till Monday.” He forced a smile. “Knowing Perry, he must be worried about…”

“Tell me what you’re hiding,” she said, staring him down.

He shook his head. “Not now.”

“Yes! Now!”

He dropped his smile. “Kevin Grady passed away. Yesterday, they said.”

She dropped her bag. “How?”

“Accounts vary as to how he got away. But he didn’t seem to be in his right mind. Somehow, he made it to the roof up… up there and... It was ruled a suicide,” he finally finished.

She blinked several times and backed away. 

“Okay. It’s okay. Lay down and I’ll call the nurse.” He moved to her. “Maybe they can give you something to…”

“No! Get off me!”

He pulled away, putting his hands up. He didn’t want to push her when she was so upset.

“What time?” she asked, shaking.

“I don’t know. Late yesterday morning, I think. I can ask if you…”

“No. Don’t.” She shook herself. “I just want to go home,” she finished on a sob.

“Okay. I’ll take you,” he said softly.

“I want to be by myself,” she said, staring at the ground, then picking her bag back up.

“Well, I took you here. Even if I didn’t, this is not the time to be driving with…”

“Fine! Then… then take me back.” She took a deep, if shaky, breath. “Please.”

He nodded and gestured to the door, resisted taking her arm. She seemed so strangely prickly, as if she didn’t want to be touched.

When they finally got her paperwork and made it to a secluded spot off the hospital’s loading dock, he felt strange picking her up, she was so stiff in his arms. Maybe it was a delayed reaction to all that she’d been through.

Then again, when they made it to her place, he noticed she didn’t have any issues with Linda squeezing the life out of her.

“Oh, my God! Why do I let you do this to me?” Linda pulled away, then pulled her back in. “I’m going to wait till I know you’re better, then I’m going to hit you a lot. Okay?”

“Okay,” Lois mumbled, muffled against her shoulder. 

“Because you can’t just go off getting kidnapped and having convulsions,” Linda sobbed. “That is not okay! Okay?”

“Mmmf-hmmf.” 

“God, I hate you! No! I hate her!” Linda pulled back and shook Lois hard. “And you know what? She can’t get away with this!”

Oliver rushed in from the kitchen and put a hand a hand on Linda’s back. “Okay. Babe…”

“I don’t care about the legal part! I’m gonna…”

“Yeah, well, care about the baby part.” He rubbed her back. “Remember Doctor Melcher? Happy thoughts, happy babies…”

Linda stilled, taking a deep breath and pasting on a smile. “I’m happy. I’m happy you’re okay,” she said, voice suddenly soft and breathy as she released Lois, putting a hand to her cheek. “I’m happy you’re home. And I’m very happy that I have at least a foot on Lana Lang.” She smiled and stroked her belly. “Because as soon as I get this baby out of me, I’m going to punch her in both of her faces… really hard,” she finished, smiling wider.

“That’s the spirit,” Oliver said, shrugging at Clark. “Happy thoughts for all of us.”

“Okay!” Linda clapped her hands. “There’s plenty of food. Martha sent over lasagna, Bart dropped off breakfast burritos, Diana sent a fruit assortment, AC sent a veggie platter because he, apparently, doesn’t care about you and I,” Linda bent to the coffee table, but Ollie shooed her out of the way and picked up the large basket, “got you a Keurig and a large variety of coffee. Because I love you the most of anyone.”

Lois blinked and looked around. She pointed at a bag left on the coffee table. “What’s that?” 

“Some toy from Victor.” She rolled her eyes. “He says it will give you wireless internet anywhere in the world. But there’s one of it.” She tapped her basket, which Oliver was still holding up. “This has fifteen different flavors and brews in seconds.”

Lois laughed, her eyes spilling over. “Okay, you love me the most.”

Linda pulled her in. “That’s my girl.”

Lois sniffled and pulled away. “And you got me more stuff?”

Clark noticed a bouquet and two baskets on the dining table.

“No. They’re from..." Linda threw up her hands. "I actually didn’t even look. We’ve been so busy.”

“Yeah. When was the last time you cleaned your bathroom?” Oliver grunted, putting the basket down.

Lois moved to the table. “Mini muffins from The Planet.” She smiled. “And cookies… from John,” she finished, surprised. And these…” She picked through the bouquet and pulled out an envelope. “Who else knows tulips are my favorite…” She trailed off as she opened it, then crumpled it up.

“What…”

“From Lana,” she said tersely. “Guess she remembered.”

Linda groaned. “Garbage disposal or…”

“No. They’re pretty. It’s not their fault.” She stroked the stems, staring off. “I always liked tulips, even though they don’t have a smell. Maybe because of that. They’re kind of a no-frills flower. Suits me.” She grew silent.

Clark frowned at her, trying to figure her out. She seemed just happy one moment, angry another, then eerily quiet the next. 

“You know what I’ll just get that out of your way,” Linda moved to the table and took the note out of Lois’ hand, “along with some of this other junk and…”

Lois put a hand on the paper Linda was trying to pull away. “That The Planet?”

“Interesting question,” Oliver said with a laugh, moving to the table and putting a hand on it as well. “See, I personally find this story below Planet caliber. I mean, I hear Cat Grant’s coming off a tabloid. It’s not really readable and I think it’s best not to…”

“I need to know,” Lois said firmly, pulling at it until they let go. “I need to know what she’s saying.” She shrugged, trying and failing to smile. “I mean, we’re starring characters in this little tale,” she gestured to Clark, “aren’t we?”

Clark nodded, holding her stare. “I wish we weren’t.”

Lois held it out and stared at the headline. “Lana Lang-Luthor: Out of the Shadows,” she read.

Linda huffed. “If you ask me…”

“You know I love you, right?” Lois cut in, putting the paper gently down and carefully folding it.

“Of course, Sweetie.”

“Then promise it’s okay if I ask you to go. I need some time to myself. Some time to take this all in. Is that okay?”

Linda sighed and moved around the table, pulling her in. “Of course it is. Just… No more scares?”

Lois patted her back. “I promise.”

Linda stepped back and was replaced by Oliver. “And no more stealing League equipment?” he asked, mimicking Linda’s cooing tone.

Lois actually laughed. “Is Diana still mad?”

“Less so every time you’re in horrible danger,” he said, pulling back. “So just keep that up till she’s over it.”

“Don’t encourage her,” Linda hissed, slapping his arm.

Lois laughed again. There were still several more goodbyes before they made it to the door. 

Clark moved to follow them, figuring he’d better take her at her word. “Call me if…”

“Not you,” she said abruptly, pulling him back as she shooed them out. She turned to him as the door closed. “Where’s that pen?”

“I think it’s still…” He moved to the table, pushing her laptop aside to find it, still there, even with the lemon pledge smell. “It’s still here. They must have cleaned around it.”

“Good.” She nodded and moved past him, picking up the paper again.

“Do you want me to…”

“Just wait. I need to read this.” She moved to her sofa, taking one side and tucking her legs under her as she unfolded the paper.

He took the easy chair, twirling the pen in one hand, then the other, not sure what else to do. He knew what she was reading. He had it memorized by now.

In a nutshell, battered wife Lana Luthor faked her death and siphoned money “just to survive” in Florida with her new name, Lorna Leery. She’d spent years in hiding before coming back to Metropolis under her assumed name, scared for her very life when Lex might be set free, going so far as to secure a job at Belle Reve just to find out what was going on. He was set free and she removed herself to Florida in fear until her old friends, Lois Lane and Clark Kent, found her and convinced her to come out of the shadows. 

She was still so afraid that she took a job at Belle Reve again, under her assumed name. She only wanted to be sure he’d be put away with this time, so she could finally live freely and without fear. But he found her out and kidnapped her, along with Lois Lane. 

“This is some riveting stuff,” Lois sneered. “‘I barely know what he did to us. Maybe I blocked it out,’ Lana says, tears rushing down her face. ‘I remember him threatening us and the other men there. Then I just remember coming to with Wonder Woman and Superman and the rest.’” She laughed bitterly. “I guess Bart and John will love that… the rest.”

“I don’t think John cares, but Bart’s not happy, considering how he stepped in for me.”

“But, as I said, Lois and Clark are the real heroes here,” she read. “Our very own Lois Lane is recovering in the hospital at this time and could not be reached for comment. Neither could her…” She put the paper down. “Fiancée?”

He shook his head frantically. “I saw that, too. And I swear I never said anything like that to anyone.”

“Good. I mean… Because just because you disclose a relationship at work doesn’t mean… Did Lana lie some more?”

Clark laughed bitterly. “I kind of doubt that’s a lie she’d want to tell. I think this is Cat, trying to juice up the story.” He moved to sit on the couch beside her. “I haven’t even touched this with all that’s going on. I’ll talk to Cat about…”

“You do that.” She stood, shaking the paper. “And I notice it doesn’t say anything about Jimmy being in the hospital!”

“I don’t think he made for good copy,” Clark said miserably.

“This is insane! Perry’s got to clamp down on this woman!” she hissed, pacing. “She’ll ruin The Planet’s reputation.”

Clark stood. “Lois, Cat’s not the one to blame here. I know she sensationalized things, but…”

“She downright fictionalized things! That lying, deceitful…”

“She’s not the one you’re angry at!”

“No!” She tossed the paper down. “I’m angry at you! This happens and you… What were you doing? Holding my hand?”

“Yes,” he said dully.

“Well, stop it! Who told you to?” She rushed at him and pushed at him. “You just leave me alone! Try that for a f*cking change!”

He let her push. “Is that what you want?”

“I want you to listen to me!” She gripped his shirt. “I want you to stay away when I tell you to! I want you to go back to your stupid fortress and stay there this time! I want you to… to…” She dropped her head to his chest. “I don’t know what I want,” she sobbed. 

He let out a breath, started to put his arms around her, then stilled. He just couldn’t read her right now. “Do you want me to go or stay?”

She pulled back, shaking her head. “I don’t know.” She released him, pacing away. “Maybe I just want to fix this. So let’s do this.” She snapped her fingers. “You and me. We’ll just make this right. We could always do that.”

“Lois, you’ve had a lot piled on you. Maybe you’re tired.”

“I’m not tired. Brainstorm. No bad ideas. Come on!”

Clark sighed and held up the pen. “We still have the truth.”

She shook her head, staring at it. “Yes. About her. And about you. And about me.”

“If we adjust the recording, erase those parts, then…”

“Then what? It will be altered and it would hardly be admissible. Even then, Perry will be humiliated, having to retract most of his own paper’s story and…”

“Not if it’s new evidence! You can tell him…”

“You remember how I said there were no bad ideas? Well…”

“Well, that’s the only idea I have!” Clark yelled, exasperated.

Lois plucked it from his hand. “And what if Lana says she was drugged or this was all coerced or threatened out of her. That seems to be going around with Lex’s goons!”

“We have Diana give a statement or a… a demonstration with her lasso or… I don’t know. There has to be a way! Lana can’t just… win this way!”

Lois stared at the pen. “Does Victor have a copy?" 

"No. His system wasn't fully operational. I was supposed to make a zip file, but I got so…”

She snapped it in her hand.

“Lois!”

She tossed it on the ground and stomped on it. 

“Why would you…”

“Because there’s no point in having it out there,” she growled, crunching it under her heel. “Not when it’s useless.”

“But she can’t get away with this!”

“She already did,” Lois said dully. “She’s got the press and public opinion on her side.” She met his eyes. “That’s our job. We know its power. We know it’s too much to fight against.”

He knelt to retrieve it. “I can get Victor to fix it and…”

“Don’t!” She gripped his shoulder, then knelt to face him. “Do you know how much tap-dancing this will take, desperately trying to figure out what can and can’t be said, worrying that we left something in that could expose us and… for what? What will it change?”

“It’s the truth.”

“It’s half the truth.” She stared down at the pieces in his hands, brushing them away. “All we could reveal is only half the truth. And it’s exhausting. I’m tired.” She met his eyes. “Aren’t you tired?” Her hand brushed his before snaking up his arm, glancing over his shoulder, gripping his tie. She stood, pulling him with her. 

He went willingly, but… “Lois…”

“I’m tired, Clark,” she breathed, pulling him down. “I’m angry. I’m frustrated,” she said against his mouth. “I need to feel... something else." She pulled at his tie. “You understand that, don't you?"

“I…”

She laughed and slid a hand down his shirt. “Of course you do. We wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. You and me…”

He squinted at her, so unable to make sense of her today. He stepped back, but she followed, her other hand sliding downward. 

“There’s always been this,” she gasped, squeezing him.

He gave in, meeting her lips and she kissed him back hard, pulling at his tie, his top buttons, then trying for the suit underneath.

“We shouldn’t…”

“Just take it off,” she gasped.

“I can’t,” he panted, taking her by the shoulders and holding her away with some difficulty. “I need to go into work. Perry’s expecting me by noon and it’s…”

“So we’ll get it over with quickly.” She tugged at his tie again.

He let out an awkward laugh. “I don’t think that’ll be much fun for you.”

“Let me be the judge of…”

“I also don’t think it’s what you need right now.” 

She dropped his tie. “Fine.”

He sighed. “Why don’t you get in the shower?”

“Fine.”

“It’s not that I don’t…”

She stepped away. “No. I want a shower.”

“There’s plenty of food in there now. I can heat something up before I go.”

“You do that, then.” She shrugged and stepped around him, then stilled. “Thank you,” she said before moving into the bedroom.

He frowned after her as she closed her bedroom door, then stared down at the remains of the pen recorder. He couldn’t blame her for being a little erratic. She’d been through a lot. He’d feel better when they were finished with her blood tests.

He picked up the mass of cracked plastic and wires and moved to the kitchen, dejectedly tossing it in the trash. She was right, though. The only way to expose Lana was to expose all Lana knew, which was too much. 

He knocked on the bathroom door, trying not to be too loud, but hoping she heard it. He didn’t want to just march right in with her mood so unpredictable today.

“Yes?” she said over the shower.

He opened the door a crack. “I heated up some lasagna and put out some of the fruit. I wasn’t sure what you wanted.”

“That sounds fine,” she said dully. “Thank you. You can go.”

He hesitated, unable to shake this feeling that there was either something she wasn’t saying or something he’d done wrong. “I’ll stop in after work,” he said before leaving.

Of course, work didn’t involve much working. It was hard to concentrate on the police blotter with Cat leaning on his desk, congratulating herself.

“…and you know The Star is just livid, having to pick through our leftovers.” She laughed. “Serves them right. I mean, they let me go and I was there first. Oh, I mean we.” She smiled widely and gestured around her. “So this is good for all of us.”

“Oh. So there’s an us now?” Steve Lombard leered as he moved past.

“Drop dead,” Cat groaned. “Anyway, Adam brought the paper in for show-and-tell today and had me autograph it. Isn’t that just the cutest thing ever?”

“Adorable,” Clark sighed, not wanting to rain on her good mood. But she’d taken too many liberties.

“It just goes to show that it pays to a bastion of good journalism. Did you know we outsold every other…”

“Yeah. I wanted to talk to you about that,” Clark said, taking the opening. “Lois and I are not engaged.”

“You aren’t?” She asked, all innocence and fluttering eyes. “So I still have a chance?”

“Come on, Cat. You were the one who spread it around we were seeing each other only a few days ago, which pretty much made us expose a relationship that was… new. And I even pretty much told you it was new! You know we aren’t…”

“Okay, fine,” she groaned. “But boyfriend?” She rolled her eyes. “Miss Lane’s boyfriend could not be reached for comment? How does that sound as compared to fiancée?”

“Closer to the truth,” he muttered. “What’s Lois going to say we she comes back and everyone is congratulating her and asking to see the ring?” He barely knew what to say himself!

“So get her a ring! You probably want to. You were the one saying you wanted the picket fence and the babies.”

“I never said anything even close to…”

“Well, it wasn’t far,” she cut in. “Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this is just the push she needs. You can thank me later,” Cat said before sauntering back to her desk.

He gritted his teeth. 

“Kind of a piece of work, isn’t she?”

Clark looked over the pile of letters on Lois’ desk at Ron Troupe, chuckling to himself.

“We aren’t actually engaged, you know,” he grumbled. “Once Perry’s back from lunch, I’ll talk about a retraction or addendum.”

Ron waved a hand. “I wouldn’t bother. Most readers are probably more focused on the Luthor side of things. No point printing something barely anyone will read.”

“Maybe,” he muttered. “One truth in a pile of lies…” 

“I know the feeling,” Troupe said with a mild grimace. “Hey, that’s just gossip. Try working politics. The line between the truth and the lies is always hard to find. It wears on you.”

I might know more about that than you think. That was really the problem. He knew the truth and he couldn’t tell it. As much as the sight of that broken pen recorder left him feeling defeated, he knew there was nothing to do but accept that defeat. It was possibly the struggle he’d face every day, working here, trying to expose the truth in a life where lying was a necessary and daily evil.

His eyes moved away from Ron as he saw Jimmy moving into the coffee room. “What’s he doing here?”

Troupe flowed his gaze. “Olsen?” Troupe shrugged. “He said he wanted to work.”

“But wasn’t he in the hospital just…”

“I know. Was pretty scary, too.”

“You saw it?”

“I was talking to him when it happened. He was fine one second, just pouring some coffee and talking about a Lana Lang-Luthor through the years pictorial, then he just went white… Well, whiter. You’re all pretty white to me. Then he dropped the coffee and started shaking.”

Clark shook his head. Lois had been the same. “Well, he should be resting,” Clark grumbled loudly, getting up and moving to the copy room. “Jimmy?”

Jimmy jumped slightly before he turned, then shook himself. “Oh. Hey, CK,” he said before turning back to his work.

“What are you doing here?”

“Stuff for archives,” he said dully. “Just scanning in some of my photos. I always put this off, so…”

“No. What are you doing at work?” Clark closed the door. “Weren’t you just in the hospital?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. But they gave me my walking papers. Nothing wrong with me.”

“That’s what they said for Lois.”

“Lois,” Jimmy said softly, shaking his head. “Well, that’s good to know. Nothing wrong with her, either. That’s good. Good.”

Clark stared at him as he kept scanning. “Did they say anything about what might have caused it?”

“No. Took blood. Perry’s guy didn’t even find anything wrong with my car, apart from the brakes, transmission, check engine light, crappy tires. But I knew all that, so…” He trailed off, still scanning away.

“Well, archives aren’t an emergency. Perry would understand if you went home. He’s given Lois off till Monday and…”

“I’d rather be here,” Jimmy cut in, kind of curtly for Jimmy.

“Okay, well, I can help with some of…”

“I don’t want to talk right now.” He finally glanced over to Clark again. “I’m sorry, but I’d like to just concentrate on this… alone. That cool?”

“Of course. Sure. I mean… I’m sorry.”

Jimmy shook. “No, I’m sorry. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I’m just having a confusing kind of day and just want to do something that’s… not that.” He gave Clark what seemed like a forced smile. “Nothing confusing about archives.”

“No.” Clark forced a smile back and opened the door. He dropped it when he moved out. Between Lois and Jimmy’s moods, he was wondering if he should call Murray, see if he could use some of Star Lab’s pull to get their blood samples sent to him in Chicago, see if he could find something the hospital didn’t. Then again, the hospital hadn’t even finished testing. He’d just have to wait. He hated waiting.

He also hated the police blotter. It was just dull repetition and Perry, once he came in and interrogated Clark about Lois, had him taking both his and Lois’ share. But he wasn’t going to complain about it as he’d rather she take the time off and Perry had promised him he could leave once he finished to check on his fiancée – because almost no one seemed to listen when he said they weren’t engaged. Besides, it was better having something to concentrate on to take his mind off Lana Luthor’s glorious rise from the dead.

He hadn’t seen her yet and she hadn’t contacted him or Lois to explain herself, apart from the tulips. With all that had been going on, he didn’t want to see her… except for how he did and badly. Someone had to tell her, amidst all the undeserved sympathetic outpourings, that they knew what she’d done. But not him and not right now. He was too damned angry.

He moved to Lois’ desk, trying to distract himself, sorting her mail as best he could, even straightening up her mess of a desk. His eyes were drawn to the small bulletin board on the side of her file cabinet. He’d remembered that from the day Perry hired him, following Jimmy with coffee and seeing that sort of miniature wall-of-weird she’d started, even now. He wondered if it was still here…

He chuckled as he uncovered it under the other clippings and pictures. A post-it with the words "fisherman vigilante?" scrawled on it. He still remembered every moment of that day, the strangeness of being in this space that seemed more hers than his back then, the fear and elation of the moment she marched into Perry’s office…

Perry, I interviewed some more people about the reverse crime wave and everyone is reporting fish smells.

He laughed again, remembering how he’d tried to shrink into the walls as she accused him of angling for her story… about him.

“What’s so funny?” he heard Troupe ask behind him.

“Nothing,” he said, putting everything back a little more neatly. It wasn’t funny, really. This was the work of a woman putting things together without even half the information that was rightfully hers. 

And why? Grady and Lana. He couldn’t very well tell off a dead man, but he could damned well say a thing or two to her. In fact, he would.

***********

He stared at the closed drapes, hovering outside the Metropolis Grand in the fading sunlight, wondering if it was the same room, the very same one she’d been in before Christmas, before she apparently lost her money, the day she accidentally met Lois in the downstairs lobby of The Daily Planet and Lois fainted dead away on seeing her…

"You called her Lois," he hissed, moving toward her, willing her to face him. "Two days ago, you expressed surprise about Lois working at The Planet, then you asked if Chloe was still there, and then you... you called her Lois..."

Her head snapped up. "Was I supposed to call her Chloe in public? I didn't know what else to do."

"How did you know to call her that, Lana? Only a handful of people know and, last I checked, you weren't one of them."

He’d been angry that night, not as angry as now, which is why he needed to check himself before he knocked on her window. He wasn’t going to change and go down to the lobby and ask to be let up to see her. She might refuse him. Besides, he needed the suit right now. Right now, he couldn’t be Clark Kent. He needed the perspective of Superman. He needed to remember that this wasn’t about punishing her with all the things he wanted to say. This was about her, about making sure she understood exactly what she’d done. 

And maybe she wouldn’t hear it from Clark Kent. She knew how to manipulate Clark Kent. She’d done it so well the last time he visited her here that he’d failed to see through her frantic tap dancing. Not tonight.

He moved to her balcony and knocked once, twice, then again, wondered how many times it would take before she realized he was out here. “Lana, open the door,” he finally called out impatiently.

There was scurrying from the other side and series of clinks before the drapes were pulled back. She had the nerve to smile as she undid the latch and opened up. “It’s just you. I was afraid the press was…”

“You knew it was me,” he said impatiently, moving past her and into the suite. “The press around here aren’t known for their climbing.”

“Well, you can never be sure. I’ve just had the worst time with all the calls and…”

“Yes. I’m sure your suffering is great,” he said, looking around the suite. It wasn’t the same one. It was bigger than the last one. “Luthorcorp pulled out all the stops for you. Cat was right.”

“Uh… C-cat Grant?”

He turned to her, shivering in the open doorway. “Yes, Cat Grant. Could you close the door if you’re so cold?”

She just nodded, wide-eyed, and did so.

“By the way, that was an interesting touch. You had to go to The Planet? Couldn’t have your lies printed somewhere else?”

“I thought that would make you madder,” she said softly as she pulled at the long drapes.

“Oh, so you knew what you were doing was wrong.”

“I… I spoke well of you.” She turned, a nervous half-smile seemed to be trying to form. “Didn’t you read it all? I made you two out to be heroes. And you are! I couldn’t have done any of this without…”

“Manipulating us?”

“I didn’t see it that way,” she whispered, looking away.

“Lying?”

"It was all the truth." 

"Your unique take on the truth,” he corrected coldly. 

“Well, I might have left a few things out.” She moved to the sideboard, picked up a full tumblr next to a half-empty decanter. So that was all the clatter while he waited for her to open. He supposed he didn’t blame her. She’d probably need a few drinks before he was done. “But I have been in hiding and Lex did find me out and… look what he did.”

“Yes, out of nowhere. It’s not at all possible you were goading him into it.” He thought of what Lois said that morning. It seemed only too possible, seeing her now. “You knew he’d come after you and you knew we’d try to help you.”

“Well, that’s not true. I never imagined…”

“You did.”

“And Cat Grant… Well, I didn’t want to go to her. I was planning to give you two an exclusive interview once…”

“I know. I heard that part. You just didn’t plan on us knowing the truth.”

She let out a breathy laugh. “Whatever Lois is telling you, she’s just been through a traumatic experience. I wouldn’t…”

“I didn’t hear it from Lois,” Clark cut in, “I heard it from you. She recorded every word you said before Lex came in.”

Lana froze, nearly dropped her glass, then seemed to recover her grip and her bearings. “What I said was…”

“It was the truth, Lana. Don’t treat me like an idiot… any more than you already have.”

She turned away from him and took a long gulp. “I never thought you were an idiot. Clark, you were always so important to me. Even after I realized you didn’t feel the same way anymore, I thought… With all I felt for you, I thought it had to mean something. That’s one of the reasons I committed to the project. I was looking for that meaning. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be with you, but maybe… that wasn’t all there was. Maybe I could be the person to lighten your load. See, all that I thought of, through everything, was you and…”

“Don’t you dare put this on me. If you bothered to contact me…”

“You were away and I thought I’d tell you all of it when you came back, but…”

“I’ve been back for almost a year, Lana, and you know it. You never contacted me until after Lois’ and my expose on your project came out.” 

“It’s not mine! I only funded it! I wish I’d never been a part of it!” She slammed her drink down and turned to him, shaking her head. “Don’t you see? I was deceived, too. Doctor Albright made it sound so wonderful, like I'd be saving the world. I wanted to be a part of that. Like you. If I knew what was really going on, how they were hurting people...”

“Because you’d never hurt anyone? Not even Lois?”

"But I didn’t understand, then. I thought it was about me. I thought… See? He’s doing all this work so he could finally be free to be with me. Then I realized that wasn’t true, not true at all. And it hurt, Clark. It hurt so much,” she said, her voice breaking, “realizing everything you told yourself wasn't true. Everything you planned…”

"Try having most of your life swiss-cheesed away,” he said lowly. 

“I’m not comparing it. I just… See it was supposed to be so perfect, then it all crumbled. Grady disappeared, Lizzie and Helen turned out to be… certifiable, Lex's accountants found my funds and... I didn’t know what to do. I thought if I could just shore things up with Lex, then I could come home,” she said on a broken gasp. “See, Smallville was the only place I was ever happy. Clark, I’ve been so unhappy for so long, I…”

“Don’t.” Clark shook his head. “You can’t make me feel sorry for you after what you did. You can’t justify…” 

"I'm not justifying it. I'm just... trying to explain. It took a long time to admit I was wrong, even to myself. Kevin even told me and I still couldn’t see…” She sniffed loudly, picking up her glass again. “You know, I never drank in front of him. Tried not to. I know how hard he worked to get sober. Sometimes I thought I was like his sponsor, helping him stay that way, helping him do something good.”

“If you’re talking about Grady, then you have some strange definition of good.”

“But he didn’t know, really. He tried so hard to… to…” She drew in a shaky breath. “I heard about him yesterday. He just wanted to help. Maybe I should have taken his help before all this... Sometimes I thought about it, you know.”

“Well, at least you had the right to refuse,” he sneered. “That’s more than you gave her.”

“But I’m not… those things I did… I know they were wrong, Clark. But they’re not me. They’re not who I really am. I could do so much better if you give me a chance to prove myself, I…”

“Lana, I’m done giving you chances, trying with you. I was done long before this. I told you that day in the field, told you we could only be friends, but you didn’t listen. And now?” He shook his head. “I couldn’t even see that.”

She swiped at her cheek with her free hand. “Things didn’t have to be like this. If you’d let me in from the start...”

“You know, you could probably say the same damned thing about Lex,” he snapped.

“Please don't compare me to him,” she said, almost whimpering, moving to the couch.

“It’s impossible not to. The both of you seem to think I owe you something for… what? Not telling you things you didn’t earn the right to know? You know what? Lois was kept out of my secrets for years before she knew and not once did she throw at me the level of resentment you did, not with either name!” He threw his hands up. “But I took it. I took it inside and thought of all the things I should have done different. But look at my life! All I’ve ever done is save lives and protect my secret. Mine, Lana! Every struggle comes down to that and I’m not going to apologize for that anymore. I don’t have any obligation to share it with every damned person who thinks they have a right to know!” He paced away. “But I felt guilty then, always moping and brooding and feeling ashamed of myself. And you… you were just another part of that problem.”

“Me?” she breathed. “Clark, all I ever did was love you! We loved each other! Doesn’t that mean being honest?”

He squeezed his eyes shut. This was one of the things, one the things he told himself he shouldn’t say, that Superman would never say. But it needed to be said. 

He turned to her. “You didn’t love me. You loved an idea of me. And I…” He sighed. “You want to know what drew me to you, Lana?” He didn’t wait for her to answer. “You might have been the prettiest girl in town, but I could have gotten over that. You want to know what first made me speak to you?”

“We’ve been speaking since we were…”

“Never for long.”

“Yes, I know that now,” she said quickly. “Because the meteor rock in my necklace…”

“It was guilt, Lana. The first time we talked, really talked, was in front of your parents’ graves. And it was minutes after I realized that I was the reason they died. I think, underneath everything, I just kept thinking I could make it up to you. Sometimes I think that’s all we were, me trying to change the past, make up for something I couldn’t control and couldn’t… ever make right.”

She let out a sob. “Don’t say that. If things had been different, we could have…”

“My God,” he said tiredly. “You still think that? I just told you…”

“If you’d told me the truth…”

“You think knowing me entitles you to know everything about me?”

“She knew everything.”

“There’s a reason for that,” he said hotly. “She was at my side. Every damned time, she proved to me and to the world that she could be trusted. I barely flinched when she found out.”

“She found out?” Lana let out a bitter laugh. “So you didn’t tell her, either?”

“I never told you, but you somehow knew.” Clark narrowed his eyes. “And I never even asked. How did you find out?”

“On my wedding day,” she said, another bitter laugh escaping her before she took a long sip. “See, I planned it. I…was having doubts and thought of the one thing that might keep me from going through with it and I thought it might help knowing, finally knowing, the truth about you. I talked to Nell and… I thought it might be time to bend the rules just a little. She told me thatwhen it comes to protecting ourselves, we do what we have to do.” She laughed again, almost hysterically this time, another gulp following it. “You know, Nell might not always be there, but I guess she’s been there for the worst of it. That’s just how she is. So… I bent the rules. I planned it. I told Chloe that I hid Lex's wedding gift in the wine cellar and asked her to get it. Then I locked her in when she did.”

Clark’s could only stare at her. “I came that day. She called me.”

“Yes, I knew she would. So I hid behind the wine racks and waited for…”

“No. What if she didn’t call me, Lana?” he demanded, getting angrier. “What if she couldn’t get service and sat in there for hours…”

“The worst she would have got was a cold,” Lana sneered. “I would have let her out, but I took the chance! I had to know!”

“Why? You still married him!”

“Because Lionel gave me no choice! You know that now!”

“Lana, you always had a choice. You just never took the right one! You never came to me. You chose to sneak around me. It’s the same with everything you’ve done this year and... ever!” He shook his head, his anger melting into indifference. “Of course. Of course you locked her in a fridge. I’m done being surprised at anything you do now.” He moved to the balcony door. “I’m just done.” He put his hand on the knob, then stilled. “Look at the things you do, the choices you make, then tell me again that we ever could have worked out." 

“Wait! Please!”

He stopped short of jumping on the railing to lift off and turned to her. 

“You said she had it all recorded,” Lana whispered, swiping at her eyes. “What’s she going to do with it?”

“Nothing,” he said tiredly. “It’s destroyed.”

She let out a shaky breath. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Lois did it. I didn’t agree.”

“Yes.” Lana nodded, almost smiling. “You know, I heard she had wasn’t feeling well. I sent…”

“Yes, she got your flowers. So I guess that makes up for everything in your eyes?” he ground out. 

She shook her head frantically. “I know it doesn’t. But you’ll see. You’ll see, Clark. I’ll do so much good, real good. I can…”

“All I see right now is that you got everything you wanted and no consequences at all. Good for you.”

“But I know better now. You think this money is just for me? I can help Smallville and Metropolis and… I’ve even thought about establishing clinics for meteor mutants. There are probably still so many lost and alone and I can be part of…”

“I don’t care what you do, Lana,” he cut in, turning to face her. “But if you hurt anyone again…”

“I won’t! I never wanted to. I…”

“You better not,” was all he said before flying off, tired of this conversation, tired of her, tired all over.

By the time he got to Lois’ window, he realized she must be even more tired. He wondered if he should even bother knocking. Lights were out. He’d told her he’d be by after work, but maybe she just wanted to sleep after all she… 

He moved closer, seeing something taped to the window – an envelope with Clark scrawled on it. He half-wondered why she hadn’t texted if she wanted to turn in early… or why she’d left a note on the outside of a third floor window in the dead of winter. Then again, she was smart enough to know he was the only one who’d retrieve it there. 

He briefly thought of looking through as he took it, just making sure she was sleeping soundly. Of course, by the time he read the note, he realized that would be futile. 

She wasn’t there.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

I wish I could find the Superman/Batman 49 scan of a similar Supes/Lana moment. I remember seeing that and thinking this scene should have that sort of flavor (though the context was slightly different).