Almost Lovers (Chapter Twenty-Six)

Banner by Summerstar882

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Some specific references to Almost Whole and Smallville’s Blank.

Chapter 26

Clark kicked at the remains of the door as Diana moved in behind him. “Looks like a struggle.” She bent down to pick up the cell phone among the many things spilled out of Lois’ purse. “Now we know why she didn’t answer.” 

Clark took the phone, then bent to scoop up the things he recognized as hers. “Not a robbery, obviously,” he said through clenched teeth. 

“What exactly happened here?”

“I don’t know yet,” he said, tucking her stuff back in. She’d want it back if… damn it, when they found her. 

“So Lois brought Lana here,” Diana said absently, “to get her things.” She gestured to a large suitcase. “It’s mostly packed.” She looked around. “The place is a mess, but it looks like most of it might have been that way before… whatever happened. I don’t see any blood if that makes you feel… My lasso!”

Clark clenched his fists. “Good. You found it. Now can we just…”

“Seriously, guys?” Bart said from the doorway. “You could wait just a second for... Hey, what the hell happened here? Where are they?”

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” Clark muttered.

“Okay, let me put my detective’s hat on and…”

“No,” Clark cut in. “I need you to do something else.” He stood up. “We’ll look this over. I need you to go to Victor and get a list of everything we need for a remote rescue mission, then get it for him.”

“But where…”

“I don’t know yet. But we need to be prepared for anything. Go!”

“Yes, sir!” he said with a nod before disappearing. 

“Look at this,” Diana sighed, still focused on her stupid rope. “It's all coiled up with junk, stockings, a belt, even a damned pen.”

“Would you stop with the…” Clark stilled, staring at the pen she was pulling out and tossing off. He rushed to catch it. “That’s not a pen.” Hell, he should know. He bought it. “It’s a recorder.” He heard the slight whirr. “And it’s been running.” He turned to Diana. “You need to get your gear on. We all do.”

He rushed back to the farm. Doors slamming open and shut until he came to his room.

“I’m working on it,” Victor said, not even looking up. 

AC was in the corner. “Bart’s bringing what he needs and your mom’s hooking up the back-up generator as this will take way more power than…”

He waved him off and turned to Victor. “Pause that for a second and play this.”

“Isn’t that Lois’ Christmas present?” Victor took it.

He nodded “I don’t know how much is on it, but it was still running when we got there. It might tell us where she is.”

Bart showed up with an armful of headsets, looking… different. “Don’t say a word,” he grunted at AC before disappearing again in a blur of red and yellow.

“Tell me you guys saw that,” AC whispered.

“I saw he has his gear on,” Clark said loudly. “I can’t say the same for you.”

“Okay, okay. Gearing up,” he said, moving out.

*****************

“Don’t suppose you’ll tell us where we are,” Lois called ahead to Lex as a large man, a different one this time, pulled her along a damp, dark hallway in zip ties. Here and there was another door like the one she’d been hustled out of. More cells. She hoped they weren’t occupied.

“No, I don’t think I will,” Lex said over his shoulder. “You’re already getting the grand tour. This is just kind of a sub-basement, all exterior walls layered with lead. Little something I picked up from Bruno Mannheim in the early stages of his project.”

“So you two are pals?” she tried miserably. He’d just confirmed the lead, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t call for Clark, that didn’t mean there wasn’t a chink in the armor. They were breathing air, after all. It was stale and obviously pumped in. There were vents somewhere. When she was ready to call him…

“Hardly. I didn’t want to part of his little sideshow,” Lex went on, “but I had people reporting to me about the work. Lead. It made sense to me somehow. It’s a radiation shield, though a little poisonous on its own. But, more than that, using it felt right, like something I must have already known. There are so many things I almost know, things I’ll know again with your help.”

She swallowed hard. “Well, if I’m being so helpful, maybe you’ll let me go after…”

“Oh, you’ll be free to go with some modifications. Wouldn’t want you coming back for repeat visits in case things don’t work out.”

“Work out for who?”

Lex shrugged and kept walking.

She glanced back to check on Lana, shuffling along a little more slowly with another of Lex’s collection of human giants, still crying and mumbling to herself about how it was supposed to be so perfect, how it all fell apart, perhaps because of the drugs. She’d be no help.

“Well,” she said loudly, “Good to know I’m at least getting out of her alive.” She did see a vent, then. Not yet, not yet…

Lex stopped and turned to her as her escort stopped as well. “Seriously? Do you think I’m a monster.” He jerked his head at Lana, who whimpered. “I know she does, but think of this last year. Think of all the ways I tried to help you before you stopped taking my calls.”

Because I found out all you’d done before. “Because I was trying to move on, have a happy life. Maybe you could give that a shot.” She avoiding looking at the vent, knowing there’d be another.

“Do you think I haven’t tried?”

Not hard enough, she thought, but didn’t say. She didn’t want to antagonize him, after all.

“It’s hard to move on when you feel like half the man you should be.” He stared past her at Lana. “She didn’t make it easy, siphoning my money, taunting me by trying to pin her little crimes on me with Thorul Industries. Did you ever think, Lana, what it would have been like if you just left me alone?”

“I was only protecting myself,” Lana whimpered.

“From me?” He laughed. “I might never have found you if you didn’t make it so God damned easy. Trying to have me committed so I can’t be a danger to myself and others,” he sneered. 

“Here’s the thing,” Lois held up her hands, then nodded back to Lana, “You might not be helping your case here.”

“And let’s not forget what she did to you,” he went on, ignoring her words, still glaring at Lana. “Not just our shared amnesia. Remember all the data I sent you. You told me it all mysteriously went missing. Guess who was behind that?” He shrugged. “But that was a good thing, in the end. I looked deeper into it that night, looked into any activity my company seemed to have with commissioning a locksmith, maybe, in that timeframe. And I found it and had it traced it back to the leak. Once we stopped it up, my accountants found multiple leaks, taking pennies off dollar transactions. It seemed so small, but it added up to millions of dollars together.” He smiled at Lana. “God knows how much more we would have found if we got there before it was blown on pseudo-science courtesy of another ex-wife of mine and my trusted family physician.” He chuckled. “Did you girls have fun? Laughing at me? I really hope it was worth it.”

Lois twisted her head to look back at Lana. She was barely reacting, glassy-eyed. “It was supposed to turn out better,” she droned.

Lois turned back to Lex. “Okay. You’ve got Lana here, but you said I was the test subject.” She waited for him to look at her. “Lex, why do you need her? What are you going to do?”

“Nothing more than what was done to me, in the end.” He smiled and started down the hallway again, which seemed to be ending ahead. “She won’t have a mark on her,” he called out. “And here we are! The end of our tour. It’s not much, but it has potential.”

Lois gasped as the hall opened into a giant chamber, with rough walls. But it wasn’t the size of the room that had her horrified. It wasn’t even the giant pillars covered with wires and tubes connecting to various computers and controls. It was the shiny metal table in the middle and the straps hanging from it. Was that her part in all this? Because she’d rather bow out. 

Then she saw the man at the controls. And old man in a white coat, possibly sixty, though he looked haggard and, by the look of him, surprised to see her, as if he knew her somehow. He seemed strangely familiar to her, too.

There was a loud laugh from the corner beyond the door and she turned to it. A man was there, one hand chained to a bar, the other clutching a bottle. “Gang’s all here,” he slurred, his head lifting.

She stared at him, noting the resemblance between him and the older man, and not just in how drawn and haggard they looked, before she realized she knew him. He looked as if he’d aged ten years, though it hadn’t even been one. “Kevin?” she whispered.

***************

It was getting crowded. His old room had always seemed small, but never more so than when there were nine people shoved in, all arguing so loudly, he could hardly hear Victor.

“It could be Mannheim,” Jones said firmly. “He’s hired someone to get some kind of revenge and…”

“How would Mannheim track her down at Lana’s?” Diana cut in. “We just need to stop and think who…”

“It’s Lex. I know it,” Oliver growled. 

Diana sighed heavily. “Is that the only name you guys know? I’ve never even met the man and I’m sick to death of hearing his name.”

“Are we seriously not even going to consider that Lana did something?” Linda was shouting.

“No. I’ve known her since she was born,” Martha said. “More than that, she… Well, she couldn’t physically overpower Lois. At least not…”

“Can we all just quiet down and focus?” Bart suddenly yelled. “This is Lois we’re talking about here, so everyone out! Let them concentrate. We’ll know soon enough.”

Clark silently thanked him and leaned down to Victor as several grumbling people moved out of the room. “What do you have?”

Victor sighed. “Couple hours of audio. I’m assuming she wanted all that truth-telling on the record. It’ll take a while to hear every…”

Clark shook his head. “We don’t have time for that. Can you analyze it visually for one loud noise? Like a door getting kicked in?”

“Let me look over the track,” Victor said, scrolling until the waves seemed to spike several times. He clicked just before the section and then he heard Lana’s voice.

…any more pain. All those memories bring are pain.” She sounded strangely monotonous. “You wanted to be Lois Lane. I was helping…”

“Stop it!” Lois now, her voice pained. Clark resisted to the urge to find out what had her so upset. Because it was coming.

That pounding. Once, twice, three times, four, with a loud crunch, then a scream. It was Lois. 

He stood up straighter as if he could stop whatever it was from reaching her. 

There was a shuffling noise, then another loud crunch.

“Stay back,” he heard her yell, her voice shaky underneath.

“All clear.” It was a new voice this time. 

“I beg to differ,” he heard Lois say loudly. “What are you? Mannheim’s?” There was a pause. “Or is he one of your people?”

Lana’s voice again. “I can’t afford people.”

“Of course she can’t.”

Another new voice. But Clark knew that voice well. “Lex,” he whispered.

***************

Kevin Grady lifted his bottle to Lois and Lana, before turning to Lex. “I knew you were getting her," he gestured to Lana.

"Yes. Your little employer. Maybe you'll work for her."

Kevin snorted. "But I didn’t think you’d be a real ass*hole and get her, too." He waved his bottle at Lois. "Here’s to never underestimatin’ you again!” he lifted his bottle to his mouth, but Lex strode to him and took it.

“Time to sober up. I might be needing you soon.”

“Damn it, Luthor,” the older man muttered. “He can’t do it anymore. I’ve told you. You’ve corrupted his powers, feeding him alcohol.”

“I’ve subdued them. They’re still there. Besides, he could always refuse to drink.”

“Not gonna happen,” Kevin snorted.

“Just leave him out of this!” the older man shouted. “I told you I’m nearly…”

“He’ll be fine. Besides, it’ll be easy enough to use his powers one way. He refuses to try the other…”

“Because it doesn’t work that way,” the older man said hotly. “You’ve poked and prodded him enough to know that! Leave my son…”

“Your son?” Lois looked from one man to the other.

“I’m sorry. Introductions are in order. Lois, you know Kevin Grady. Well, this is Lawrence Grady, his father and semi-recent resident of the Metropolis Correctional Facility, but you might have heard of his time as a high-ranking researcher in the memory department of the Summerholt Institute, where he tortured his son and manipulated his mind and incidentally gave him meteor mutated…”

“Why are you telling them this?” Lawrence demanded. 

“I suspect they already know, or one of them does.” He gestured to Lois. “You do your homework. Even so, they won’t remember when it’s all over. But, for now, I want her to know this is worth being part of.” Lex paced toward the machine. “This might look like a low rent version of a similar project Doctor Grady was working on at Summerholt, but it’s just as effective. We did away with the cosmetics and kept things simple. It’s powered, as before, with meteor rock in liquid form underground.”

Lois held back a gasp.

“I want you to know,” he said, eyes on Lois, “so you’re not afraid. I believe in this project. I’ve done the work and so has Doctor Grady. See, we’ve done a few test runs. We know this machine can do… pretty much what the younger Mr. Grady could in his early state, which is precisely why it mutated him. But it can also reverse the affects when applied to a… memory deprived individual. Then it can even do it again, reversing the reverse.” He stopped at one of the guards near Kevin. “Isn’t that right, Chuck?”

“What, Sir?”

“Exactly. Now I wouldn’t want you ladies to get any ideas about appealing to these men’s probably deeply buried heroic instincts. Kevin and Lawrence both know what happens to the other if they play around and, surprisingly, given their checkered history, they don’t want that to happen.” He gave each of them a hard look.

Kevin’s smile faded as he slumped back on his bench. 

Lawrence put his head down and returned to his controls. “I’m not quite ready yet,” he said, his voice shaky.

“Fair enough.” He nodded at the men holding Lana and Lois. “The ladies can join Kevin here.”

Lois went without protest, taking a place next to Kevin. He was using them, both of them, by threatening the other. All she knew of Lawrence Grady was what she read in articles and police reports when she finally figured out Kevin, but it was a checkered history, yet something in him still cared about his father and vice versa.

“Deeply buried, he says.” Grady chuckled. “And you know what? It’s right. I don’t have any heroics in me… if I ever did. Used to think I did.” 

He leaned to Lois, who resisted the urge to flinch away at the smell of him. It wasn’t just the probable lack of a good bath, it was like he’d spilled most of a brewery all over and inside himself.

“I used to think I was a little like him. He’s got lots of hero in him, your…”

“For God’s sake, be quiet,” Lois hissed.

“I know. Shh-shh! I didn't say it. But I thought I was like that. Like a hero. I was just saving everyone who'd let me and it was all supposed to be so perfect.”

“Supposed to be,” Lana moaned from her other side, "so perfect."

"She been drinking, too?"

"No. She's drugged. Now will the both of you shut up?” she growled lowly. Dead weight on either side of her, drugged and drunk. If she was going to get out of this, she certainly couldn’t count on Lana or Grady. She stared at the older Doctor, wondering if there was something to be seen in him… other than abject fear. That table…

She got the picture by now. She’d be strapped to that table and testing that new technology, which would either leave her brimming with long lost memories or an empty shell, babbling incoherently for the rest of her miserable life.

She stared at Lex, pacing back and forth. “What if it doesn’t work?” she tried.

Lex stilled, turning to her. “Then I’m sorry,” he said, not meeting her eyes. 

“What was done to me was different than what was done to you.”

“But it can still reverse it. That’s the point!”

“But what if it doesn’t?”

“What if it does?” He did meet her eyes then. “Can you imagine, being whole, knowing all the things that alluded you?” He moved to her, sat on his haunches in front of her. “I felt it sometimes. With the formula. It would give me everything back for mere moments, but it was never pure and clear. It was like an information high. I took in all I could. I’d try writing things down, then recording it. But it was always so much at once. And the side-effects…” His hand shook as he drew it over his damp forehead. “It could have driven me insane.”

You sure it didn’t? She wasn’t fool enough to say it, but would a sane man do this?

“It was always so much at once, like when you flick through a pile of pictures, none of them seen clearly. I wrote some down, but it all seemed like nonsense with no contexts. The bridge,” he breathed, “room in the west wing, strange symbols. And I couldn’t see any of it when the formula wore off, couldn’t put it together, but there was always this feeling, like I was cheated somehow, out of everything!” He stood, pacing away. “So I hope this works. I have to take the chance it does. I’ll take that chance with you.” He stilled. “And I meant it when I said I liked you. I just like myself a hell of a lot more.” 

“Got it,” she said softly. And she did. She had all she needed to know now. 

That’s the story. Got the story. Now to get out of here! Her eyes frantically searched for a vent, a damned cranny even! She landed on a grate in the far wall, blindly hoping it was some source of air, something that led somewhere. One clear path to a lead-free world outside. It wasn’t like she was going to climb up to and out of it, obviously. She just needed to say the word…

“Superman,” she said, trying to resist yelling it. But she couldn’t afford to be here any longer. And, if there was meteor rock, or kryptonite, it was under the ground. He needed to be here before that changed. “I wonder what Superman would think of all this,” she went on, emphasizing the name loudly. 

“I really don’t care.”

“I remember,” she said, forcing a laugh. “At that ball, you told me all about Superman. You don’t seem to think Superman is such a good guy. But I’ve seen a lot of Superman in action and let me tell you about Superman…”

“I don’t want to hear about him. Everyone knows you’re his biggest fan. Shut her up. Nicely.” He gestured to one of his men, who moved to her and covered her mouth. “Do you want to stay like that?”

Lois shook her head… as much as he could with a meaty hand clamped on it.

Lex nodded to the man and he took his hand away. “I’m sorry, but the good Doctor needs silence.”

****************

“Everyone be quiet!” Oliver yelled over the chatter of everyone, once again, crowded in Clark’s old room. “We’re trying to listen!”

Clark wasn’t sure how much good it would do the third time around, but maybe they’d hear something they hadn’t, some clue they’d missed.

“…as good a test subject as… someone who’s been where I am. It’s a little hard to resist,” Lex was saying.

“Test subject?” Lois after a moment. Clark still hated the tremor in her voice. 

“The technology’s a little sketchy. I wouldn’t try it on myself first. I learned enough about that with the formula. I’ve barely got my nerves in check. But this new project… This could work. Maybe even for you. Maybe you’ll thank me if it does.”

“What exactly…”

Superman.

“Did you hear that?” Clark breathed.

Victor paused. “What?”

“Did she call for me? I didn’t hear that before.” Did she call and he failed to hear her? Because he couldn’t stand it if…

“I don’t think you’re hearing that now. I didn’t hear ‘Clark.’”

“No. Superman. She said Superman.”

“I didn’t hear that, either. Did she whisper it? Maybe with your crazy hearing…”

He shook his head. “Never mind. If she did, it tells us nothing.” Except she called for me and I failed to come. But that didn’t help them now. “Just play it.”

“You’ll see soon enough,” he heard Lex say as Victor un-paused. “Sorry about this. But I wouldn’t want to insult you by assuming you’ll come quietly.”

There was a muffled thump, then footsteps, then…

“You! Get them in the Hummer. You! Take my car back!”

Shuffling, more footsteps. It was the same as before and told them nothing new. Except that Lois was right. There was obviously much more to Lana than they’d found out today. How much more, he didn’t have time to think about. He just needed to find them first.

Oliver stepped back and turned to the rest. “So we know it’s Lex, like I said some time ago, but let’s just forget that for now.”

“Doubt you’ll ever let us forget that,” Diana muttered.

“The question is,” Oliver said, pointedly ignoring her, “where he took them? As far as this experiment of his, all we need to know is…”

“Not to let him f*cking try it?” Bart put in, raising his hand.

“Pretty much.” Oliver nodded. “So we need to find them for that. The recording doesn’t tell us anything. So ideas….”

AC raised a hand. “We know there’s a Hummer. Can we hack into traffic cam footage for Hummers? Just stuff from the last three hours and track where they…”

“If by we, you mean me,” Victor said, “then no. That will take an hour at the least and give us nothing outside city limits, otherwise known as a waste of time. Everyone just pipe down till we get something off the mansion cams.”

Clark looked to Victor. “Do you have the feed from today?”

“It’s finally loading,” Victor grumbled. “It takes some time. Incidentally, it’s nice that you’re suddenly okay with me monitoring Lex.”

“You can gloat later. Just…”

“What about the rest of that recording?” Linda piped up.

“We don’t need that just yet,” Clark said impatiently. “We just need to find her and get her safe.”

“And alive?” Linda sobbed.

“No. She’s alive,” Martha cooed, pulling her in. “Of course she is. Don’t you…”

“She’s alive,” Clark cut in. “If she weren’t, I’d… I’d know.” There were times this last hour that, he swore, he could hear her voice. “We’ll find her.”

“And Lana,” his mother said softly.

“Yes. Lana.” She was missing, too. She was… 

Superman. 

Was that…

“Got him!” Victor suddenly yelled. “He’s… he’s just sitting in his damned study!”

“Well, that doesn’t tell us anything,” AC groaned. “He could have them locked up in a vault! Bring up the footage from three hours ago.”

“This is the footage from three hours ago,” Victor snapped.

“Well, he can’t both there and on the recording at once.” Oliver crowded in behind Victor.

“Of course he can’t. He’s messed with the feed!” Victor pushed his chair away roughly. “God damn it, he messed with the feed! He knows we’re watching!”

“He can’t know that.” Oliver shook his head. “The signal’s untraceable. You set it up yourself.”

“Well, he knows someone is! He must have found one of the cameras and…”

“And he’s been putting on a little show, just like he did for that Doctor and Nurse Lana, probably for his board, too,” Bart said. “No one’s gonna suspect the harmless nutjob, are they?” He frowned. “Still doesn’t explain the bathroom.”

“Would you shut up about the bathroom?” Victor groaned.

“Well, it’s still pretty weird. You gotta...”

“No more arguing,” Clark said tersely, pulling open his shirt

Bart covered his eyes. “Whoa! Clark!”

“Calm down,” he heard Diana say. “Most of keep suited up under our clothes.”

Bart took his hand away. “Well, how was I to know? I only just got my…”

“I’m going to the mansion,” Clark cut in, just ripping at the rest of his clothes as he really didn’t care at the moment.

Victor put up a hand. “We don’t know for sure she’s at the…”

“He wouldn’t be screwing around with the feed there for nothing!” Clark pulled off his glasses. “More than that, I heard her. I swear I did,” he said, realizing now it wasn’t his imagination or a whisper on the audio feed. “It was faint, but it felt… I can’t even explain it, but I think she’s close.”

“And Luthor’s mansion isn’t far,” Bart said. “Okay, I’m ready to…”

“Diana, John, you’re with me,” Clark barked out. “We need to assess things from up high. The rest of you are on control. Mom, listen to Lex on that recording some more and tell Victor if you hear anything that gives us a better idea of where they might be, anything we missed. Victor, try to get the real feed up for remote support. AC, I want you at the Port Inn. Observe from the river if it makes you more comfortable. Just make sure that scene stays untouched for the police.”

Oliver snorted. “The police?”

“Yes. Superman has a reputation of cooperating with the police. So they will be briefed on everything we can safely tell them… after,” he finished. He wasn’t going to let loud sirens into this just yet. “Linda?” He turned to her, as she was fanning herself rapidly. “Please try to relax.”

“Okay,” she choked out.

“That’s right.” Martha rubbed her back. “No worrying for two.”

Bart raised his hand. “And I can do ground surveillance at Luthor’s so…”

“No, I need you to keep getting Victor whatever he needs in case…”

“Errand boy? Clark, I have a theory and you need me to…”

“This is no time to argue.” And no time to freak out. Just stay calm. Stay on mission. He turned to Oliver. “Oliver, you talk us through their progress while we’re out, just basic…”

“Watchtower duties. Got it.”

He took a deep breath and turned to Diana and John. “Headsets on!”

***************

“There might be a way, you know,” Kevin slurred beside her.

“Be quiet,” she hissed. “I’m busy.”

He gave a humorless laugh. “With what?”

“Taking inventory of what’s in my head. In case it’s not there in a moment. Looks like your dad’s nearly ready.” He was moving to that table, after all, connecting his wires. Strangely, she wasn’t afraid anymore. He’d come. It was just a matter of time. “Speaking of dads, I don’t get to remember mine. And he’s dead. So thank you for that,” she said through her teeth.

“Of course you wouldn’t. It would hurt to remember him,” Kevin said softly. “That’s why I made sure you wouldn’t… as much as I could.”

“Yes, you were so noble,” she whispered. “I’m sure the money was just the icing on the cake.” She nodded toward Lana, who was out cold on the floor. She’d suddenly started screaming uncontrollably at one point, possibly when the drugs wore off, and Lex had sedated her… if sedating her meant having a man whack her upside the head. Lois couldn’t bring herself to feel too concerned, though she did care enough to keep checking that Lana was breathing.

“No. The money was just security and… freedom to use my gift on those who wanted it.”

“And those that didn’t,” she sneered.

“I know,” he said after a moment. “I did. I knew, with you and Lex, that something was different, even before she confirmed it. I could feel it somehow, but I pushed on because I was so convinced that I was right. That I could fix everyone. Maybe I was wrong.”

“Maybe?” she snapped.

“Shut up,” Lex hissed in the middle of murmuring with the older Doctor Grady. Then again, the younger one wasn’t even a doctor.

“I could fix it now,” Kevin said, very softly, after a moment. “I have a theory. It’s just a theory, but if I’m right, then I could give him what he wants. It’s still only a theory, but…”

“Then be quiet about it, Kevin, for God's sake.”

“But if it worked…”

“You don't negotiate with mad men. You don't offer them what they want, especially if you don’t have it, so…”

“But it’s ironic.” He let out a soft and bitter laugh. “He says he'll let me go if I undo it and... the only way I can think of to undo it wouldn’t have me leaving here. So I haven't even tried. I never had the guts for that much. But maybe now. Why not? I’ve got nothing to lose at this…”

“Damn it, shut up!” She hissed. “We’ll get out of this. I know we will. He’ll find me. He’ll come for me. He’ll come for all of us.” She had to believe it, otherwise…

Lex clapped his hands loudly. “I think we’re set!”

The guard pulled Lois up and cut through her ties. She didn’t struggle. There was no point making a run for it when she could be overpowered by one of five gigantic men. 

She just looked to Doctor Lawrence Grady. “I’ve been told I’ve been part of this light show before, actually. I don’t actually remember, but I read the police reports.”

He nodded. “Yes. You were younger then. But you got away… I think. The next thing I remember I was being arrested.”

She let out a bitter laugh. “Not so lucky this time, I guess,” she said as she was walked toward him. 

He shook his head sadly. “On the table, please?”

“Do you think this will really undo everything?”

“I have no way of knowing for sure.”

She took a deep breath and shook the guard off, hopping on. “Too bad it’s not just a light show,” she said, eyes boring into him as the guards and Lex backed away.

He strapped one of her legs down, giving no indication he heard her. 

“I’m not a bad actress, you know,” she said as softly as she could. 

He strapped the other down. 

“I could put on a good show of my own if you do the same. Buy us time. All we need is time,” she hissed. 

“Time for what?” he finally whispered.

“Time for Superman. He’ll find me. He’ll find all of us.”

“Something to say?” Lex called out, before moving to them.

Doctor Grady quickly backed away.

“Yes,” Lois said loudly. “I just want to say one thing before you try this highly experimental and dangerous technology that might turn me into a catatonic...

"Is this the one thing?” Lex drawled. “Because it seems like more.”

“Okay, fine. A few things. Because I’ve learned a few things about you, Lex. With all the money you have, all the damned good you could do in the world, and this… this is what you do. What you always seem to do! The amount of money and energy you put into secret projects could probably feed and shelter all of Metropolis! Probably several third-world…”

“Yes. Very inspiring. Now…”

“You don't remember a few years? Hell, I don't remember most of my life! My actual life and I go on!”

“Okay!” He shrugged. “Is that all?

"No. There’s also one thing you forgot.” She took the deepest breath she could. “Superman!" she yelled.

“Strap her down," Lex growled.

"Superman!”

“Gag her, too!”

****************

“Okay. We’re on,” Oliver said. “I’d like to remind you all to use codenames. It’s only professional.”

“Got it, Arrow.” Clark hovered between John and Diana, staring down at dark mansion, only scant light coming from a few windows. “Okay, we start with the guards. I’m not sure how many he has, but…”

“I’ll take them,” Jones said, moving to face Clark.

“Without hurting them,” Oliver said in their ears, “if possible. Damn it we should have given you trancs. You know what, Manhunter? Why don’t you shoot on back here and…”

“No need for that,” Jones cut in. “It’s late. I’m sure they’re tired already. I’ll just strongly suggest they give in to it and sleep soundly for a good…” He turned back to Clark. “Is three hours enough?”

“It’ll have to be.” He nodded and Jones streaked off in a trail of deep red.

Diana clapped her hands. “Okay, then. I’ll take a little fly-around close to the ground.”

“What if someone sees…”

“Don’t worry about it,” she scoffed. “I can fly faster than you.”

“Can’t be that much faster,” he found himself grumbling.

“Try half the speed of light.” 

He nodded. “I guess that’ll do.”

She laughed before disappearing.

Back to mission. It was just as well she was covering the ground. He was the only one able to see through the roof of this mansion. 

“Okay, so Wondy’s on ground. Boyscout?” Oliver’s grainy voice said in his ear. “What do you got there, buddy?”

“I’m going over the mansion. And you could start using Superman as my codename, you know.”

“Depends.” Oliver chuckled. “Can I call you Supes for short?”

“Fine.”

“Supey?”

“I don’t even care,” Clark grunted. “Third floor’s clear. Second floor has a few guards…”

“Not in a moment,” he heard Jones say. 

“Nothing on the first… Wait a minute.” He zoomed in while looking through, which was always frustrating to do. But not as irritating as what he saw. “Bart!”

“Bart? Don’t you mean Flash?” Oliver said absently. “Anyway, I’ll get him. He’s right… Where the hell is he?”

“He’s in Lex’s study,” Clark growled.

Oliver groaned. “Cyborg, is that feed up yet? I’ll get Cyborg to bring him up. What’s that crazy kid gone and...”

“I’ll take care of it,” Clark hissed, flying downward to one of the high windows. He knocked on it, did his damnedest to resist all the noise of breaking right through.

Bart just smiled and zoomed up, tossing it open. “Glad you made it. Now, like I was saying, I have a theory about…”

Superman!

“Lois,” he hissed, flying through. 

“Not her. Lex,” Bart was saying. “I keep a tally and Lex actually…”

“No! I hear her. It’s like she’s echoing all around.” He moved out of the study, trying to find out just where it was coming from.

Bart appeared next to him. “I don’t hear any…”

Superman!

“Lois!” He looked around, then he saw them. The vents. There must be one in every room, but they all connected to somewhere she was. “She’s here,” he said, x-raying all around him. “She’s here somewhere. She’s calling me.” He listened hard. “Damn it! I can’t hear her anymore!” He paced the hall, passing at least two snoring guards slumped against the wall.

“Okay, then. Calm down,” Bart said bracingly. “Just come with me and…”

“I can’t see her anywhere!” He looked down now, feeling frantic, through the wine cellar and to… nothing. “There’s nothing.”

“Then we just try something else. Like investigating that bathroom in the study,” Bart said impatiently.

“There is no bathroom in Lex’s study!” he snapped.

“Well, there is now!” Bart gripped his arm. “And he spends more than half his time in it!”

“Seriously?” he heard Oliver say faintly. “Tell him to stop with the bathroom conspiracy sh*t.”

“Oh, come on!” Bart pulled at his arm.

Clark followed almost dumbly, shaking his head. “Why can’t I see any… Wait a minute.” He stopped just inside the study, looking down and through. “Lead! Again!” It was under the basement covering too much ground to be naturally occurring. “That’s where he has her! She’s underground.” Clark flew upwards, ready to land hard. 

But Bart appeared below him, wide-eyed, waving his hands. “Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” he growled. “I’m busting through the floors!” 

“Yeah. I figured. And, if you’re right about her being under there, you’ll make a sh*tload of noise and maybe land on everyone’s heads! Now calm down and help me check out this bathroom!” Bart pointed frantically at a door.

“Would you stop with the…” Clark let himself land, staring at the door. “This wasn’t here before.” He looked around. He’d been in this room enough to know how it should look.

“Yeah. So you said. That only makes it more suspicious.” Bart took a deep breath. “So if everyone would stop picking on me and listen,” he said, leaning up to say it into Clark’s headset, “I think this is more than an ordinary bathroom.” He stepped back and gestured. “So get in there with the x-ray eyes and tell me if I’m right.”

Clark zipped past him, tossing open the door and looking through the floor. “The Flash is right,” he hissed.

Oliver let out a long breath. “Well, that’s the first time I heard that.”

“There’s just empty space and cables under the floor, going down…”

“Like an elevator?” Bart was bouncing in the doorway. “Knew it. I knew it was something like that. I mean, I was all for secret tunnel, but this is even cooler!”

Clark stared through the walls all around, then tried to pull back, looking for something that looked like controls through the shower, toilet, and… “It’s the sink,” he said, moving to it. “The cold lever.”

“Alright, Boys,” Diana’s voice said. “Good gumshoeing, but I found something, too. There’s a hummer parked outside a hill just east of stately Luthor manor. Not a real road in sight, so I guess they needed the traction. There’s a set of metal doors going into the hill. Permission to bust them down?”

“No!” Clark said quickly. “Flash is right. We don’t need to let them know we’re coming. Just see if you can get them open quietly, then wait for our signal.” He turned to Bart. “Going down.”

“The sink. Darn! It would be so much funnier if it was the toilet,” Bart groaned. “Flush our way down, you know?”

“Would you be serious?”

“No! Lex has a secret lavatory that probably leads to a secret laboratory! How can anyone ever be serious about this?” 

Clark fixed him with a stare.

Bart took a deep breath. “Okay, I know. Lois.” Bart shooed him out of the way. And Clark let him. “But I found it, so I get to do the honors.” He reached for the cold lever and pulled. The room started sinking with a metallic groan. “And I guarantee you,” Bart went on after a moment, “Lois will find this just as hilarious as I do.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

You know, around the time I decided Lex had a secret, evil lavatory that led to a secret, evil laboratory, I couldn’t help but think of Firebunny’s The Love/Hate Game and decided Bart had to be the only one to figure it out after his confusion about evil lavatories and laboratories in that fic. 

And just because I always adore pointing people to this fic:

http://www.ksitetv.com/forums/showth...Chlarkex-NC-17

Read it. I’m serious. I think I’ve reread this fic more than any other, even non-crack!fics. It’s insanely hilarious and will have you laughing out loud no matter how hard you try not to.